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<blockquote data-quote="tishthedish" data-source="post: 759453" data-attributes="member: 17103"><p>Dear Sleepymom,</p><p></p><p>My elder son was estranged from us from 4+ years. During the ensuing years I kept giving it to God. I would compartmentalize my thoughts of him and STOP if they started to encroach. I had a wise therapist that said when these people are living the streets, they have resources and survival skills that would never occur to you and me. I have a wise mother in law that said that everything happens in God's time. I found some comfort in that. Holidays were challenging, but I chose to be happy with what I had in front of me and not lament his absence. It got easier with Al-Anon and I started taking better and better care of myself. He reached out after my sister died unexpectedly via FB messenger. I kept my FB public so he could see how our family was doing and to keep touch. We started to keep in touch more regularly and he started to visit our home. Now, after a family emergency he is living here and I don't see it working out in the long run. But I am glad he got to spend these last months with his dad who recently passed. A lot of the same behaviors are still there and the hostility is like an undercurrent. It's complicated. But, you can survive. I will probably have to do so again, because I think he wants to stay here and he can't. As much as I love him, he can't. And he won't accept practical help. No matter how hard you worry or try to track him down, it won't change whatever outcome has been put in motion. No resolution can be forced. He has to change in order for there to be a meaningful relationship and it sounds like you are enjoying the respite from the confusion and conflict. Soak up this quiet time and let it restore you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tishthedish, post: 759453, member: 17103"] Dear Sleepymom, My elder son was estranged from us from 4+ years. During the ensuing years I kept giving it to God. I would compartmentalize my thoughts of him and STOP if they started to encroach. I had a wise therapist that said when these people are living the streets, they have resources and survival skills that would never occur to you and me. I have a wise mother in law that said that everything happens in God's time. I found some comfort in that. Holidays were challenging, but I chose to be happy with what I had in front of me and not lament his absence. It got easier with Al-Anon and I started taking better and better care of myself. He reached out after my sister died unexpectedly via FB messenger. I kept my FB public so he could see how our family was doing and to keep touch. We started to keep in touch more regularly and he started to visit our home. Now, after a family emergency he is living here and I don't see it working out in the long run. But I am glad he got to spend these last months with his dad who recently passed. A lot of the same behaviors are still there and the hostility is like an undercurrent. It's complicated. But, you can survive. I will probably have to do so again, because I think he wants to stay here and he can't. As much as I love him, he can't. And he won't accept practical help. No matter how hard you worry or try to track him down, it won't change whatever outcome has been put in motion. No resolution can be forced. He has to change in order for there to be a meaningful relationship and it sounds like you are enjoying the respite from the confusion and conflict. Soak up this quiet time and let it restore you. [/QUOTE]
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