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Not helping to help our difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 175468"><p>I think this is an interesting discussion. I also think many of these things discussed here will not have clear cut answers.</p><p> </p><p>People come here for advice and that especially in the PE Forum, enabling can be a frequent cause for concern. But since we are not medical experts and can't truly know the full stories behind each case (medical, familly, marital issues), I would hesitate to encourage a person to for example, disengage from their adult child so completely that medical care was not going to be provided. However, sometimes there are <strong>extreme</strong> situations and that might have to be the case.</p><p> </p><p>It seems that most of us have learned the value of detachment and that enabling our children (esp. our adult children) often is NOT the road to their salvation.</p><p> </p><p>I believe there are the extreme situations and that there are many <strong>shades of gray</strong>. There might be a way to keep our kids <strong>safe</strong>, but <strong>refuse to enable</strong>. I do believe enabling takes away a child's desire to propel himself (a necessary force) towards self sufficiency. Believe me, I'm not always "comfortable" with this stuff myself, but baby steps forward, especially for those with diagnosis's, are a good thing. </p><p> </p><p>I think Stands was simply asking for help, but was not fully ready to hear what everyone was saying to her. Gettng angry certainly wont help. Perhaps too many opinions are confusing. I do think that many folks in these predicaments need professional guidance and counseling. Not always, but sometimes...this is a long process. </p><p> </p><p>If it is troubling to post to the poster mentioned here, I probably wouldn't do it. But, just like I believe is often the case with many of our children...there are shades of gray. Here are some possibilities:</p><p>1) either not respond 2) limit your response 3) simply suggest she see a counselor -regularly or attend Al-Anon or Family Anonymous meetings. Repetition is the key to learning and if she hears it often enough, it is likely to stick.</p><p> </p><p>The idea of being propelled (addicted?) to help this poster is intriquing...I'm sure there are many possible reasons for it. It could be a possible indication of projection or that we are feeling insecure in our own abilities to productive in this world (in my humble opinion). Hmmmmm</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 175468"] I think this is an interesting discussion. I also think many of these things discussed here will not have clear cut answers. People come here for advice and that especially in the PE Forum, enabling can be a frequent cause for concern. But since we are not medical experts and can't truly know the full stories behind each case (medical, familly, marital issues), I would hesitate to encourage a person to for example, disengage from their adult child so completely that medical care was not going to be provided. However, sometimes there are [B]extreme[/B] situations and that might have to be the case. It seems that most of us have learned the value of detachment and that enabling our children (esp. our adult children) often is NOT the road to their salvation. I believe there are the extreme situations and that there are many [B]shades of gray[/B]. There might be a way to keep our kids [B]safe[/B], but [B]refuse to enable[/B]. I do believe enabling takes away a child's desire to propel himself (a necessary force) towards self sufficiency. Believe me, I'm not always "comfortable" with this stuff myself, but baby steps forward, especially for those with diagnosis's, are a good thing. I think Stands was simply asking for help, but was not fully ready to hear what everyone was saying to her. Gettng angry certainly wont help. Perhaps too many opinions are confusing. I do think that many folks in these predicaments need professional guidance and counseling. Not always, but sometimes...this is a long process. If it is troubling to post to the poster mentioned here, I probably wouldn't do it. But, just like I believe is often the case with many of our children...there are shades of gray. Here are some possibilities: 1) either not respond 2) limit your response 3) simply suggest she see a counselor -regularly or attend Al-Anon or Family Anonymous meetings. Repetition is the key to learning and if she hears it often enough, it is likely to stick. The idea of being propelled (addicted?) to help this poster is intriquing...I'm sure there are many possible reasons for it. It could be a possible indication of projection or that we are feeling insecure in our own abilities to productive in this world (in my humble opinion). Hmmmmm [/QUOTE]
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