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Not quite runaway
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 368270" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi - </p><p> </p><p>You've gotten some very good advice from the other gals. You wanted to know if this goes on his record? Yes and no. Technically it's not 'HIS" record as in a police record, but it does create a paper trail. In one respect this is a good thing if there are going to be future need to get him into family court when/if this gets to be a huge problem. My thought is (from experience) if he's this much of a handfull at 16 it's not going to get any better, or correct itself, it's going to get worse. You DO have a few things in his favor that I see. He is working. With the drugs he's doing now however that could lead to other harder drugs. Some people will tell you that marijuana is a 'gateway' drug to other harder drugs. I'm pretty on the fence about that. I know a lot of people that smoked in hs and never did anything else, but still smoke that; smoked in hs and stopped and never did anything else, and some that smoked in hs and went on to completely destroy their lives with drugs. It would depend on his genetics, and personality. At 16 it's really too early to say - "He's going to -----and fill in the blank." </p><p> </p><p>I can tell you that this is NOT a stage, or a something he's going to grow out of. It's a progression of behaviors that get worse over time and without counseling do manifest into worse behaviors. I've yet to see or hear about anyone whose child had conduct disorder or oppositional defiance disorder at 16 and then say at 23 - Well he's fine now. Pillar of the community. I'm sure it happens, but there are always quirks. So....to get back to the original question - WHY wouldn't you want a paper trail. Well this is what breaks a Mother's dreams and heart huh? </p><p> </p><p>One one hand that paper trail makes you think it would ruin his future chances of a good job, and education in the future. If someone did a background check on him later in life they could find those police reports. yes, that's very true. Unlikely - but true. Depends on if he's looking for a job with the Federal Government or something I guess. But running away at 16 is hardly cause to keep him from a job. Then on the other hand you have to consider the future....WHAT IF - what if he is so incorrigible by 16 and 1/2 that you can no longer live with him - his behaviors are so outrageous, he hits, starts stealing money, the car? And you need a paper trail to go before a family court judge to GET him institutionalized? Without those reports more than likely a judge is going to send him home to you and say - Sounds like a family squabble - your son will sit smiling in court and 30 minutes later - he'll be back home, out the door yelling Kiss my butt as he peels out of the drive way - smoking a joint - not afraid one bit of a drug test in 30 days, blowing off his court ordered NA classes. (narcotics anon)</p><p> </p><p>It's like a catch 22. But it's something a lot of us had to decide. </p><p> </p><p>I DO KNOW that if you threaten and don't follow through? You are doomed. If you say I'm calling the police - you have to do it. And currently right now? You could be in a lot of trouble for NOT reporting him as a runaway with Child Protective Services. If something happened to him and the police came to YOUR door right now and wanted to know why YOU didn't know his wear abouts? Oh man - are you in big trouble. Not joking one little bit. You need to make a report asap.....you don't want the cops at your house? Fine - go to the station. But make sure you call them every day he is gone and make that report. Will they look for him? yes. Will they ask for his friends addresses? Yes. Will they go there? You bet. Will they be serious? YUP. If he's smoking pot will he be arrested? Possibly. And will they call you and tell you where they took him? Not likely. (But either Department of Juvenile Justice or County in a special section for juvenille offenders then transferred to Department of Juvenile Justice) </p><p> </p><p>I'm so sorry for you....and I wish 10000 times I didn't know what I know to tell you but I do. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 368270, member: 4964"] Hi - You've gotten some very good advice from the other gals. You wanted to know if this goes on his record? Yes and no. Technically it's not 'HIS" record as in a police record, but it does create a paper trail. In one respect this is a good thing if there are going to be future need to get him into family court when/if this gets to be a huge problem. My thought is (from experience) if he's this much of a handfull at 16 it's not going to get any better, or correct itself, it's going to get worse. You DO have a few things in his favor that I see. He is working. With the drugs he's doing now however that could lead to other harder drugs. Some people will tell you that marijuana is a 'gateway' drug to other harder drugs. I'm pretty on the fence about that. I know a lot of people that smoked in hs and never did anything else, but still smoke that; smoked in hs and stopped and never did anything else, and some that smoked in hs and went on to completely destroy their lives with drugs. It would depend on his genetics, and personality. At 16 it's really too early to say - "He's going to -----and fill in the blank." I can tell you that this is NOT a stage, or a something he's going to grow out of. It's a progression of behaviors that get worse over time and without counseling do manifest into worse behaviors. I've yet to see or hear about anyone whose child had conduct disorder or oppositional defiance disorder at 16 and then say at 23 - Well he's fine now. Pillar of the community. I'm sure it happens, but there are always quirks. So....to get back to the original question - WHY wouldn't you want a paper trail. Well this is what breaks a Mother's dreams and heart huh? One one hand that paper trail makes you think it would ruin his future chances of a good job, and education in the future. If someone did a background check on him later in life they could find those police reports. yes, that's very true. Unlikely - but true. Depends on if he's looking for a job with the Federal Government or something I guess. But running away at 16 is hardly cause to keep him from a job. Then on the other hand you have to consider the future....WHAT IF - what if he is so incorrigible by 16 and 1/2 that you can no longer live with him - his behaviors are so outrageous, he hits, starts stealing money, the car? And you need a paper trail to go before a family court judge to GET him institutionalized? Without those reports more than likely a judge is going to send him home to you and say - Sounds like a family squabble - your son will sit smiling in court and 30 minutes later - he'll be back home, out the door yelling Kiss my butt as he peels out of the drive way - smoking a joint - not afraid one bit of a drug test in 30 days, blowing off his court ordered NA classes. (narcotics anon) It's like a catch 22. But it's something a lot of us had to decide. I DO KNOW that if you threaten and don't follow through? You are doomed. If you say I'm calling the police - you have to do it. And currently right now? You could be in a lot of trouble for NOT reporting him as a runaway with Child Protective Services. If something happened to him and the police came to YOUR door right now and wanted to know why YOU didn't know his wear abouts? Oh man - are you in big trouble. Not joking one little bit. You need to make a report asap.....you don't want the cops at your house? Fine - go to the station. But make sure you call them every day he is gone and make that report. Will they look for him? yes. Will they ask for his friends addresses? Yes. Will they go there? You bet. Will they be serious? YUP. If he's smoking pot will he be arrested? Possibly. And will they call you and tell you where they took him? Not likely. (But either Department of Juvenile Justice or County in a special section for juvenille offenders then transferred to Department of Juvenile Justice) I'm so sorry for you....and I wish 10000 times I didn't know what I know to tell you but I do. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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