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General Parenting
Not really sure what to do...I guess I'm looking for support, ideas, and commiseratio
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<blockquote data-quote="Christy" data-source="post: 295665" data-attributes="member: 225"><p>It seems so simple, you give a child a reasonable rule to follow and then wonder why can't he/she follow it? Sometimes its deliberate defiance but other times its due to a disability of some type. I would like my son to follows rules, I know he tries to follow the rules, but often times he's too impulsive and acts without thinking, or he forgets because he is too distracted by something else, he's too overwhelmed by his emotions, he's too overstimulated or excited to think about it, or in his mind, he should be able to do it so he feel entiltled to do it, etc... There are many reasons why I can't trust my son to follow a simple rule and therefore he requires a great deal of supervision. I keep an eye on him even though our yard is fenced, if he's quiet for more than a few minutes in another room then I check on him, I monitor his interactions with other children, I may seem way over protective to some but I know my son is not always capable of making a good decision. I've had too many unsafe, dangerous situations and violent meltdowns to let down my guard and I wish things were different but for now this is what he needs. Following rules is not always as easy as it seems and I try to set my son up to be successful whenever possible. I don't see my son's behavior most of the time as defiant so much as an inability to make good decisions. Believe me, I'm not making excuses but just trying to survive. If consequences were effective for my difficult child, he'd be an angel by now. Medication helps somewhat at times but not alone. Therapy provides plenty of good strategies but accessing this information at the moment is not easy when you factor in distractions and emotions. Sometime kids need adult support to help them with the most basic of things. Please don't think I'm second guessing you as I don't know your situation but as someone who has learned everything the hard way, my advice would be to not expect your child to be able to follow rules without prompting and supervision at this point as he may not be capable of it. Build on successess and things may improve over time.</p><p></p><p>Christy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Christy, post: 295665, member: 225"] It seems so simple, you give a child a reasonable rule to follow and then wonder why can't he/she follow it? Sometimes its deliberate defiance but other times its due to a disability of some type. I would like my son to follows rules, I know he tries to follow the rules, but often times he's too impulsive and acts without thinking, or he forgets because he is too distracted by something else, he's too overwhelmed by his emotions, he's too overstimulated or excited to think about it, or in his mind, he should be able to do it so he feel entiltled to do it, etc... There are many reasons why I can't trust my son to follow a simple rule and therefore he requires a great deal of supervision. I keep an eye on him even though our yard is fenced, if he's quiet for more than a few minutes in another room then I check on him, I monitor his interactions with other children, I may seem way over protective to some but I know my son is not always capable of making a good decision. I've had too many unsafe, dangerous situations and violent meltdowns to let down my guard and I wish things were different but for now this is what he needs. Following rules is not always as easy as it seems and I try to set my son up to be successful whenever possible. I don't see my son's behavior most of the time as defiant so much as an inability to make good decisions. Believe me, I'm not making excuses but just trying to survive. If consequences were effective for my difficult child, he'd be an angel by now. Medication helps somewhat at times but not alone. Therapy provides plenty of good strategies but accessing this information at the moment is not easy when you factor in distractions and emotions. Sometime kids need adult support to help them with the most basic of things. Please don't think I'm second guessing you as I don't know your situation but as someone who has learned everything the hard way, my advice would be to not expect your child to be able to follow rules without prompting and supervision at this point as he may not be capable of it. Build on successess and things may improve over time. Christy [/QUOTE]
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Not really sure what to do...I guess I'm looking for support, ideas, and commiseratio
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