Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
not so fun night...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 585062" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /> been there done that and it hoovers. Long time ago we learned that nothing good ever came from circular arguing and did our very best not to end up there. And found ourselves there again and again.</p><p></p><p>By the way, my difficult child is grounded for approximately 200 years, will not have his favourite dinosaur figure back before year 2358, will be allowed back to practise his favourite sport sometime when he is in his eighties and will never again have a soda. Or something like that. Yeah, giving him consequences and not getting sucked to circular arguing and upping the ante always worked that well <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sigh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sigh:" title="sigh :sigh:" data-shortname=":sigh:" /></p><p></p><p>I don't have any real advice but I have come to believe that it is very important to saviour the things difficult children are good at/get joy/that are positive influences to them and build to their strengths. They are usually not very good at learning from huge punishments and consequences and are not good in adapting after something that has influenced them positively is taken away from them.</p><p></p><p>Some would say that going that route makes me a pushover and I do get that. But at least with mine nothing good has ever come from taking positive things out from his life. He has learned from some huge consequences but they have been so that he has been able to save the things most important to him (like when he was kicked out from his junior team, lost a chance to live at home and had to learn to live independently three hours from home in city he knew about no one, lost his reputation and most of the friends he may have had, was branded as an untrustworthy and slimy thief for foreseeable future, took a huge step back in his career dreams and faced a private and public humiliation, but because he was able to keep the most important thing, his sport, he did continue to try and has earned back some of his old standings and has learned a lot.) If he is left with nothing to work for, or if he can't see the way to climb out of the hole he has dug for himself (and it doesn't take a lot for him to not see a way out and can happen even if you spell it out for him) he simply keeps on digging and apparently hopes he will eventually get out from the other side.</p><p></p><p>And during circular arguing it is amazing how deep he can dig himself in very short time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 585062, member: 14557"] :hugs: been there done that and it hoovers. Long time ago we learned that nothing good ever came from circular arguing and did our very best not to end up there. And found ourselves there again and again. By the way, my difficult child is grounded for approximately 200 years, will not have his favourite dinosaur figure back before year 2358, will be allowed back to practise his favourite sport sometime when he is in his eighties and will never again have a soda. Or something like that. Yeah, giving him consequences and not getting sucked to circular arguing and upping the ante always worked that well :sigh: I don't have any real advice but I have come to believe that it is very important to saviour the things difficult children are good at/get joy/that are positive influences to them and build to their strengths. They are usually not very good at learning from huge punishments and consequences and are not good in adapting after something that has influenced them positively is taken away from them. Some would say that going that route makes me a pushover and I do get that. But at least with mine nothing good has ever come from taking positive things out from his life. He has learned from some huge consequences but they have been so that he has been able to save the things most important to him (like when he was kicked out from his junior team, lost a chance to live at home and had to learn to live independently three hours from home in city he knew about no one, lost his reputation and most of the friends he may have had, was branded as an untrustworthy and slimy thief for foreseeable future, took a huge step back in his career dreams and faced a private and public humiliation, but because he was able to keep the most important thing, his sport, he did continue to try and has earned back some of his old standings and has learned a lot.) If he is left with nothing to work for, or if he can't see the way to climb out of the hole he has dug for himself (and it doesn't take a lot for him to not see a way out and can happen even if you spell it out for him) he simply keeps on digging and apparently hopes he will eventually get out from the other side. And during circular arguing it is amazing how deep he can dig himself in very short time. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
not so fun night...
Top