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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 234507" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You have adopted older kids (children who are not infants) and that presents problems of it's own. I did this also and it's not the same as infant adoption nor is the problem probably "Just ODD." Were they severely abused physically, sexually or both? Did their birthmother use substances when she was pregnant? This affects their brains. Did they have many caregivers before going to you? Do they remember their birth relatives?</p><p>Adopting older kids goes beyond experience and "great mom skills." I learned the hard way that it takes more than love. Some kids, in fact, are afraid of love and fight it. I suggest reading "Adoping the Hurt Child" by Gregory Keck and learning about various attachment issues. Chances are your two little ones have a lot on their plates and you can't fix them just by loving them. It does seem logically that giving them a good home, your undying love, and caring for their needs would "heal" them, but it isn't always simple like that. I won't go into one of my horrific experiences because it doesn't seem as if your girls are in that category, but I do think you should get them into adoption therapy (not just regular therapy). Even the kids I adopted at birth have some issues relating to adoption, but at least they were loved from the beginning. Also, do you have any information on their family tree on either side? Genetics counts! It would be a rare older adopted child who only had ODD, and I recommend a neuropsychologist evaluation first and then seeking out a therapist who is adept and knowledgeable about older adopted children. Not all therapists get the "adopted" issues. It will be worth your while. Welcome to the board! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 234507, member: 1550"] You have adopted older kids (children who are not infants) and that presents problems of it's own. I did this also and it's not the same as infant adoption nor is the problem probably "Just ODD." Were they severely abused physically, sexually or both? Did their birthmother use substances when she was pregnant? This affects their brains. Did they have many caregivers before going to you? Do they remember their birth relatives? Adopting older kids goes beyond experience and "great mom skills." I learned the hard way that it takes more than love. Some kids, in fact, are afraid of love and fight it. I suggest reading "Adoping the Hurt Child" by Gregory Keck and learning about various attachment issues. Chances are your two little ones have a lot on their plates and you can't fix them just by loving them. It does seem logically that giving them a good home, your undying love, and caring for their needs would "heal" them, but it isn't always simple like that. I won't go into one of my horrific experiences because it doesn't seem as if your girls are in that category, but I do think you should get them into adoption therapy (not just regular therapy). Even the kids I adopted at birth have some issues relating to adoption, but at least they were loved from the beginning. Also, do you have any information on their family tree on either side? Genetics counts! It would be a rare older adopted child who only had ODD, and I recommend a neuropsychologist evaluation first and then seeking out a therapist who is adept and knowledgeable about older adopted children. Not all therapists get the "adopted" issues. It will be worth your while. Welcome to the board! ;) [/QUOTE]
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