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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 625979" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree with COM. Whatever the reason he is using drugs, he is using drugs and that is his first problem right now. No medication for depression will work if the good effects are blotted out by illegal drug use or alcohol. You can't have your cake and eat it too with depression. Since he is twenty years old, you can't make him do anything. You can set up new boundaries for him that make it harder for him to live a comfy life while he uses drugs. That's all you have control over...yourself.</p><p>\</p><p>As for the girlfriend, your son is very young and immature and not in a good place. I would personally, if this were my son, be appalled that he was planning on marrying anyone in his state of mind. After marriage (sometimes before) come children and he is n Occupational Therapist (OT) ready to be a husband or father so if it were me the last thing I'd care about is if he is alienating said fiance. If she is smart, she will not marry him. If they do get married, expect a divorce, maybe with kids...if this were me, I would not be encouraging either of them to tie the knot at this point in time.</p><p></p><p>Depression is a horrible feeling. I have suffered from cycles of excruciating depression for a good slice of my life, but I wanted to get better and I kn ew that any drugs or even alcohol would make me even worse (which at times was hard to imagine). I had a long pathway to the right medication and therapy, but I believe the success was also because I did not use anything but my prescribed medication. You are impaired enough with severe depression...hard to concentrate, hard to enjoy anything, hard to even get out of bed, hard to sleep, hard to eat, hard to deal with any pressure....I can't imagine being able to hold any sort of job, even an easy one, if you are severely depressed then pour extra substances on top of that problem.Being married will not make him happy or quit using drugs. It will only make it worse and more glaring, especially if there is a child.</p><p></p><p>Your son has to decide to quit using drugs before he can really address the depression. The drugs are making THAT (his drug use) his primary problem and his depression will not go away even with treatment until he is clean. But he is an adult and getting clean is 100% his own decision now. Maybe you can try a Nar-Anon meeting to see if you can learn loving detachment and get on with your own life and happiness. Yes, we can be happy even if our adult children struggle. You can't control him, but you can control YOU and YOU deserve and worked hard for a happy rest-of-your-life!!</p><p></p><p>What I read every day before I leave the house:</p><p></p><p>God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change,</p><p>The COURAGE to change the things I can,</p><p>And the WISDOM to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>I once had a necklace with these words on it. Look at what this says and try to live it!!! Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 625979, member: 1550"] I agree with COM. Whatever the reason he is using drugs, he is using drugs and that is his first problem right now. No medication for depression will work if the good effects are blotted out by illegal drug use or alcohol. You can't have your cake and eat it too with depression. Since he is twenty years old, you can't make him do anything. You can set up new boundaries for him that make it harder for him to live a comfy life while he uses drugs. That's all you have control over...yourself. \ As for the girlfriend, your son is very young and immature and not in a good place. I would personally, if this were my son, be appalled that he was planning on marrying anyone in his state of mind. After marriage (sometimes before) come children and he is n Occupational Therapist (OT) ready to be a husband or father so if it were me the last thing I'd care about is if he is alienating said fiance. If she is smart, she will not marry him. If they do get married, expect a divorce, maybe with kids...if this were me, I would not be encouraging either of them to tie the knot at this point in time. Depression is a horrible feeling. I have suffered from cycles of excruciating depression for a good slice of my life, but I wanted to get better and I kn ew that any drugs or even alcohol would make me even worse (which at times was hard to imagine). I had a long pathway to the right medication and therapy, but I believe the success was also because I did not use anything but my prescribed medication. You are impaired enough with severe depression...hard to concentrate, hard to enjoy anything, hard to even get out of bed, hard to sleep, hard to eat, hard to deal with any pressure....I can't imagine being able to hold any sort of job, even an easy one, if you are severely depressed then pour extra substances on top of that problem.Being married will not make him happy or quit using drugs. It will only make it worse and more glaring, especially if there is a child. Your son has to decide to quit using drugs before he can really address the depression. The drugs are making THAT (his drug use) his primary problem and his depression will not go away even with treatment until he is clean. But he is an adult and getting clean is 100% his own decision now. Maybe you can try a Nar-Anon meeting to see if you can learn loving detachment and get on with your own life and happiness. Yes, we can be happy even if our adult children struggle. You can't control him, but you can control YOU and YOU deserve and worked hard for a happy rest-of-your-life!! What I read every day before I leave the house: God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change, The COURAGE to change the things I can, And the WISDOM to know the difference. I once had a necklace with these words on it. Look at what this says and try to live it!!! Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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