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Not sure what to make of this...What do you all
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 66170" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Now is the time when you need to shift gears. This time will be painful, too. What you want to do I think, is focus on the outcome. Moving home again puts your son back under the influences that got him where he is, now.</p><p></p><p>So, until he is strong enough to steer his own course, moving home is not a good idea.</p><p></p><p>There is no punishment in that, and there is no judgment in it, either. Just a cold look at the facts.</p><p></p><p>That was always the hardest part for me.</p><p></p><p>Looking at the facts.</p><p></p><p>I like the Canaan idea very much.</p><p></p><p>Your son needs a challenge as harsh as the challenge he will face on the streets in his own hometown.</p><p></p><p>Successful completion of that program will give him the strength to confront the challenges coming for him once this part is over.</p><p></p><p>We always believed our son would find it easy to snap out of it ~ somehow, we believed the life we had envisioned for him would be draw enough to help him resist the kind of life he had been living.</p><p></p><p>By the time we understood that wasn't going to happen, it was too late. </p><p></p><p>I wish I had been tougher, wish I had envisioned each change I needed to see before I would help, even in a small way, so that I could know there was a process, and we were in it. I wish I had steeled myself to turn my son away until I did see those changes.</p><p>As it was, we were so grateful for any smallest ray of hope that we (our son too, I think) refused to believe the power drugs have to reach back in and squeeze the life out of you.</p><p></p><p>There was a time when I condemned our son for his part in what happened to all of us. Now though, I get it that drug use gets a hold on you, somewhere inside where you just can't see it. </p><p></p><p>I agree with BBK that however hard the person may try, it takes more than love, takes more than our families or our dreams of best, future selves, to beat it. </p><p></p><p>So, that's what I have to say this morning. </p><p></p><p>Continue with the barrel racing, continue to strengthen your marriage and to steel yourself for what will be a long, hard road ahead for your son.</p><p></p><p>Tell him it is going to be tougher than he thinks to turn things around, but that you believe in him, and that you know he can do it.</p><p></p><p>And he can do it.</p><p></p><p>Our role as parents of addicted kids is to not give in to that wish to make things easier for them.</p><p></p><p>What happened to our kids isn't an easy thing.</p><p></p><p>Watching your son go through what is coming next and believing in him for him when he cannot believe in himself is going to be hellish.</p><p></p><p>But I think if you are prepared for it (as Pony was prepared), then your son stands a really good chance of coming back from this and putting his life back together.</p><p></p><p>(Cheesh! Rereading this posting, you would think I had everything all together, over here. I don't mean to sound that way. If I could go back and do it all again though, I would wish for the kind of advice I have been so free with this morning. :smile:</p><p></p><p>Sorry for the preachy, pretentious tone of the posting, Traci.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 66170, member: 1721"] Now is the time when you need to shift gears. This time will be painful, too. What you want to do I think, is focus on the outcome. Moving home again puts your son back under the influences that got him where he is, now. So, until he is strong enough to steer his own course, moving home is not a good idea. There is no punishment in that, and there is no judgment in it, either. Just a cold look at the facts. That was always the hardest part for me. Looking at the facts. I like the Canaan idea very much. Your son needs a challenge as harsh as the challenge he will face on the streets in his own hometown. Successful completion of that program will give him the strength to confront the challenges coming for him once this part is over. We always believed our son would find it easy to snap out of it ~ somehow, we believed the life we had envisioned for him would be draw enough to help him resist the kind of life he had been living. By the time we understood that wasn't going to happen, it was too late. I wish I had been tougher, wish I had envisioned each change I needed to see before I would help, even in a small way, so that I could know there was a process, and we were in it. I wish I had steeled myself to turn my son away until I did see those changes. As it was, we were so grateful for any smallest ray of hope that we (our son too, I think) refused to believe the power drugs have to reach back in and squeeze the life out of you. There was a time when I condemned our son for his part in what happened to all of us. Now though, I get it that drug use gets a hold on you, somewhere inside where you just can't see it. I agree with BBK that however hard the person may try, it takes more than love, takes more than our families or our dreams of best, future selves, to beat it. So, that's what I have to say this morning. Continue with the barrel racing, continue to strengthen your marriage and to steel yourself for what will be a long, hard road ahead for your son. Tell him it is going to be tougher than he thinks to turn things around, but that you believe in him, and that you know he can do it. And he can do it. Our role as parents of addicted kids is to not give in to that wish to make things easier for them. What happened to our kids isn't an easy thing. Watching your son go through what is coming next and believing in him for him when he cannot believe in himself is going to be hellish. But I think if you are prepared for it (as Pony was prepared), then your son stands a really good chance of coming back from this and putting his life back together. (Cheesh! Rereading this posting, you would think I had everything all together, over here. I don't mean to sound that way. If I could go back and do it all again though, I would wish for the kind of advice I have been so free with this morning. [img]:smile:[/img] Sorry for the preachy, pretentious tone of the posting, Traci. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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