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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 680899" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>While this is a logical response and at the end of the day, what would govern what happens, at an emotional level, I would fight for her.</p><p></p><p>I think our kids who were adopted struggle with the sense they were rejected, abandoned, thrown away. They have a great deal of anger. Your daughter/grand-daughter is splitting. She is putting all of her anger on YOU, and her fantasy that she can find acceptance and reverse all of the negative feelings (abandonment) she is placing on her birth mom.</p><p></p><p>We know that it will all come crashing down. But she will not hear it.</p><p></p><p>I think I would try to come from a place like this: I love you. I want you to have a life where you are valued and safe. I will fight for you until my last breath, so that you have the wonderful life and become the person you are in your heart.</p><p></p><p>Remember that children's story: I think it was Runaway Bunny, where the baby bunny kept running away and the mother kept following? And at the end, the mother declared. Runaway everywhere you want. I will always find you. I will always follow you. To the ends of the earth.</p><p></p><p>I think this is what our kids want to feel about us, as they fight us every inch of the way. That we will always be there. That we are their anchors in life. And we are.</p><p>Nor does she care, it seems.</p><p>Yes. This happened so many times with us, my son and I, where a neighbor, a friend, would try to usurp the connection between my son and I (with my son's help, because he would complain, tell stories about me.)</p><p></p><p>You are the legitimate mother. You are her true and real mother. She knows it but wants to fight you, because that is what she needs to do right now.</p><p></p><p>You cannot control what happens but you can control how you respond. You have nothing to prove.</p><p></p><p>You: I will always do what is right for your welfare. Always. If somebody is hurting you or may hurt you while I am here and responsible, I will never stop doing what I can and I must. Even after she either emancipates or turns 18 your stance will be the same. I may have no legal right to take a stand for your welfare, but I will always stand for your safety and your being a person of consequence, living a life of dignity and security. Even if it is only in my heart.</p><p></p><p>Regardless of whether we succeed or not, we can come from this stance. Because it is true.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 680899, member: 18958"] While this is a logical response and at the end of the day, what would govern what happens, at an emotional level, I would fight for her. I think our kids who were adopted struggle with the sense they were rejected, abandoned, thrown away. They have a great deal of anger. Your daughter/grand-daughter is splitting. She is putting all of her anger on YOU, and her fantasy that she can find acceptance and reverse all of the negative feelings (abandonment) she is placing on her birth mom. We know that it will all come crashing down. But she will not hear it. I think I would try to come from a place like this: I love you. I want you to have a life where you are valued and safe. I will fight for you until my last breath, so that you have the wonderful life and become the person you are in your heart. Remember that children's story: I think it was Runaway Bunny, where the baby bunny kept running away and the mother kept following? And at the end, the mother declared. Runaway everywhere you want. I will always find you. I will always follow you. To the ends of the earth. I think this is what our kids want to feel about us, as they fight us every inch of the way. That we will always be there. That we are their anchors in life. And we are. Nor does she care, it seems. Yes. This happened so many times with us, my son and I, where a neighbor, a friend, would try to usurp the connection between my son and I (with my son's help, because he would complain, tell stories about me.) You are the legitimate mother. You are her true and real mother. She knows it but wants to fight you, because that is what she needs to do right now. You cannot control what happens but you can control how you respond. You have nothing to prove. You: I will always do what is right for your welfare. Always. If somebody is hurting you or may hurt you while I am here and responsible, I will never stop doing what I can and I must. Even after she either emancipates or turns 18 your stance will be the same. I may have no legal right to take a stand for your welfare, but I will always stand for your safety and your being a person of consequence, living a life of dignity and security. Even if it is only in my heart. Regardless of whether we succeed or not, we can come from this stance. Because it is true. COPA [/QUOTE]
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