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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 540437"><p>Elsie,</p><p></p><p>I think you did the right thing. Your son is only 18 and I think keep the door open is the right thing to do. Bounaries are good but so are open doors, or at least doors that are not slammed shut. When we kicked my son out I told my therapist I was going to wait until he contacted me. She encouraged me to text him here and there to keep that door open and I did that. As everyone knows we have been through the wringer with my son, with him getting help, screwing up and then looking for help again. I think we have ended up being very clear we are willing to help him when he wants help, but are not willing to enable drug use. I have come to believe that in a weird way knowing we are here for him is the reason that he has survived and not totally given up on himself.</p><p></p><p>And now a couple of years later there is some shift in him towards a better relationship. We still have a long way to go but it finally feels we are on the right track. So yes leave that door open... figure out what you are willing to do and not do... no need at all to take any abuse from him, but being his mom and offering him food and shelter makes sense to me.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 540437"] Elsie, I think you did the right thing. Your son is only 18 and I think keep the door open is the right thing to do. Bounaries are good but so are open doors, or at least doors that are not slammed shut. When we kicked my son out I told my therapist I was going to wait until he contacted me. She encouraged me to text him here and there to keep that door open and I did that. As everyone knows we have been through the wringer with my son, with him getting help, screwing up and then looking for help again. I think we have ended up being very clear we are willing to help him when he wants help, but are not willing to enable drug use. I have come to believe that in a weird way knowing we are here for him is the reason that he has survived and not totally given up on himself. And now a couple of years later there is some shift in him towards a better relationship. We still have a long way to go but it finally feels we are on the right track. So yes leave that door open... figure out what you are willing to do and not do... no need at all to take any abuse from him, but being his mom and offering him food and shelter makes sense to me. TL [/QUOTE]
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