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Parent Emeritus
Now he is really gone.
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 679426" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I am the determinant. I determine my life, my choices, my consequences. No different than anyone else. And I am determined not to be beaten by a situation out of my control.</p><p></p><p>Because it IS out of my control and out of yours, too.</p><p></p><p>Your child is not only a product of his biological parents but also a product of many other people - peers, friends, teachers, coaches - besides you. He is a product of many other environmental factors and experiences - drug use, social norms, peer pressure, academic/extracurricular failures and successes, etc - other than the ones he experienced in your care. And there is no way to know how he processed his adoption. For some, that is a sense of abandonment they never get past.</p><p></p><p>You give yourself too much credit, Copa, when you take full responsibility. I am sorry, sweetheart, but you didn't cause this. They don't come with crystal balls - and even IF we could predict how they would have turned out and rewrote every "wrong" we feel we did, chances are they would be the same or close to it. </p><p></p><p>Put the responsibility where it belongs: on him.</p><p>Put the consequences where they belong: on him.</p><p></p><p>You aren't strong enough to carry his burdens, and when he became an adult, your responsibility to do so ended.</p><p></p><p>Take Dad's advice and put your energy somewhere POSITIVE. No matter what it is. Volunteer somewhere. Exercise. Take up a new hobby. Something. Because this is unproductive and harmful for you. Get your bags and move out of this emotional rut you are living in.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 679426, member: 19905"] I am the determinant. I determine my life, my choices, my consequences. No different than anyone else. And I am determined not to be beaten by a situation out of my control. Because it IS out of my control and out of yours, too. Your child is not only a product of his biological parents but also a product of many other people - peers, friends, teachers, coaches - besides you. He is a product of many other environmental factors and experiences - drug use, social norms, peer pressure, academic/extracurricular failures and successes, etc - other than the ones he experienced in your care. And there is no way to know how he processed his adoption. For some, that is a sense of abandonment they never get past. You give yourself too much credit, Copa, when you take full responsibility. I am sorry, sweetheart, but you didn't cause this. They don't come with crystal balls - and even IF we could predict how they would have turned out and rewrote every "wrong" we feel we did, chances are they would be the same or close to it. Put the responsibility where it belongs: on him. Put the consequences where they belong: on him. You aren't strong enough to carry his burdens, and when he became an adult, your responsibility to do so ended. Take Dad's advice and put your energy somewhere POSITIVE. No matter what it is. Volunteer somewhere. Exercise. Take up a new hobby. Something. Because this is unproductive and harmful for you. Get your bags and move out of this emotional rut you are living in. [/QUOTE]
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Now he is really gone.
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