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Now I'm re-evaluating....
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 219639" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions. I ma still mulling this over and looking at things online. I'm trying to get the nerve to email the principal and see what she thinks- you would think that would be easy and not cause any stress, huh?</p><p></p><p>I wish I could get something like WO (Sharon) has- where I could call someone when things are out of control and someone would take difficult child for a day or two "stop the world", then he could come back. I think that might help him before this becomes too much of an easy habit for him.</p><p></p><p>Re psychiatric hospital: when difficult child is acute, I can't get him in the car. If I call for assistance to get him to a psychiatric hospital, unless difficult child has a knife in his hand threatening someone with it when they get here, or unless he tells them he's going to kill himself or another, he gets a police report that goes to the judge and PO and has to answer to it in court. Even if it is me that over-reacted. We had this happen before. Last spring, I got him to an er after he calmed down a bit, so he was there willingly. I had to "fudge" things a little, but I beleived he needed in there so I don't feel guilty. It's a lst reosrt, mainly because I don't think that alone will solve anything long-term.</p><p></p><p>toto- the link you put up is what I'm using- I found it through infor mom to 3 provided - thank you both!! The more I look, the more it seems that I have a good arguement of getting this. psychiatrist even suggested it last year, but legal people involved steered away from it. That makes me leary because no one has told me why- it could be because of funding (lack of) or it could be because legally, it would makes things worse or harder for both of us or difficult child, I'm not sure. I am concerned because nothing seems that easy without repercussions, Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>HOC: difficult child does seem remorseful afterwards, although he used to seem more remorseful in the past than he does now. I do think that if something isn't done to completely stop this, it will be too easy for him to give into the impulses and come to believe that it's acceptable. That scares me to see that in his future, as much as it physicaly scares me.</p><p></p><p>The experience with the MST guy last year has me skiddish, too. My concerns include:</p><p></p><p>1) He had no kids but wanted to tell me how to parent (he doesn't even know how to parent a easy child) and would act like I should be providing recreation opportunites, friendship visits for me andd difficult child, etc. Well, the reality is that difficult child had no friends, I had no time and energy or money, and it was all I could do to work full time, come home at 5:00 or 5:30, meet with this guy at 6:30, make sure difficult child already had homework done, cook dinner after this guy left at 7:30-8:00, get difficult child to go get cleaned up while I cleared dishes, get difficult child to bed on time. </p><p></p><p>2) This guy tried to take over difficult child's mental health treatment- he wanted to go with us to appts with psychiatrist/therapist. Here, I'd been telling difficult child that he should confide inhis therapist, it would be kept between the two of them and this guy wanted to tell the therapist what he should be doing with difficult child</p><p></p><p>3) This guy wanted to go to iep meetings and help write a behavior contract. the school wasn't having behavior issues with difficult child and we'd already decided that difficult child should not have a behavior contract. I had spent a LONG time getting the school and iep team to see that there was more going on with difficult child than a behavior problem- the last thing I needed was someone coming into this who had not even been around before telling the iep team that difficult child needed a contract for behavior and basicly, taking over the iep</p><p></p><p>4) Since the courts were involved and it was public funuding, the guy was supposed to report everything- including progress and compliance- to the court. If I didn't do exactly what he wanted, he would tell the judge I wasn't cooperative.</p><p></p><p>5) He was not consistent. He would tell me one thing one day, and something entirely different another day.</p><p></p><p>So, if we were to get a case manager who acts like this, would we be able to change that person?</p><p></p><p>on the other hand, if we're headed for this, we are much better off if I intiate it/ask for it because I think they would be more apt to see me as cooperative, listen to me about what I think we/difficult child needs, and hear me if I say there is a conflict with one particular person or this particular idea is not working. (At least in theory) But, last year, I ask for in-home help and the judge ordered that (so county would pay for it). Something got mis-contrued and the MST guy was ordered. MST was for a kid with conduct disorder and that problem being the biggest issue. Now one would think that once I explained and showed evidence to MST guy that this was not the biggest issue in our house or at school, he would have said "oh, ok, well I'll report that, I understand where you're coming from". After all, the initail request for help came from me. But instead, I had to get everything in writing and take it to court to show evidence to the judge because the GAL, the MST guy and the PO told me they DID NOT CARE what issue difficult child had- MST was ordered and we had to do it. I got it changed, but what I had to go through to get it changed was remarkable.</p><p></p><p>I want to make sure that I'm not walking into a similar or worse situation this time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 219639, member: 3699"] Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions. I ma still mulling this over and looking at things online. I'm trying to get the nerve to email the principal and see what she thinks- you would think that would be easy and not cause any stress, huh? I wish I could get something like WO (Sharon) has- where I could call someone when things are out of control and someone would take difficult child for a day or two "stop the world", then he could come back. I think that might help him before this becomes too much of an easy habit for him. Re psychiatric hospital: when difficult child is acute, I can't get him in the car. If I call for assistance to get him to a psychiatric hospital, unless difficult child has a knife in his hand threatening someone with it when they get here, or unless he tells them he's going to kill himself or another, he gets a police report that goes to the judge and PO and has to answer to it in court. Even if it is me that over-reacted. We had this happen before. Last spring, I got him to an er after he calmed down a bit, so he was there willingly. I had to "fudge" things a little, but I beleived he needed in there so I don't feel guilty. It's a lst reosrt, mainly because I don't think that alone will solve anything long-term. toto- the link you put up is what I'm using- I found it through infor mom to 3 provided - thank you both!! The more I look, the more it seems that I have a good arguement of getting this. psychiatrist even suggested it last year, but legal people involved steered away from it. That makes me leary because no one has told me why- it could be because of funding (lack of) or it could be because legally, it would makes things worse or harder for both of us or difficult child, I'm not sure. I am concerned because nothing seems that easy without repercussions, Know what I mean?? HOC: difficult child does seem remorseful afterwards, although he used to seem more remorseful in the past than he does now. I do think that if something isn't done to completely stop this, it will be too easy for him to give into the impulses and come to believe that it's acceptable. That scares me to see that in his future, as much as it physicaly scares me. The experience with the MST guy last year has me skiddish, too. My concerns include: 1) He had no kids but wanted to tell me how to parent (he doesn't even know how to parent a easy child) and would act like I should be providing recreation opportunites, friendship visits for me andd difficult child, etc. Well, the reality is that difficult child had no friends, I had no time and energy or money, and it was all I could do to work full time, come home at 5:00 or 5:30, meet with this guy at 6:30, make sure difficult child already had homework done, cook dinner after this guy left at 7:30-8:00, get difficult child to go get cleaned up while I cleared dishes, get difficult child to bed on time. 2) This guy tried to take over difficult child's mental health treatment- he wanted to go with us to appts with psychiatrist/therapist. Here, I'd been telling difficult child that he should confide inhis therapist, it would be kept between the two of them and this guy wanted to tell the therapist what he should be doing with difficult child 3) This guy wanted to go to iep meetings and help write a behavior contract. the school wasn't having behavior issues with difficult child and we'd already decided that difficult child should not have a behavior contract. I had spent a LONG time getting the school and iep team to see that there was more going on with difficult child than a behavior problem- the last thing I needed was someone coming into this who had not even been around before telling the iep team that difficult child needed a contract for behavior and basicly, taking over the iep 4) Since the courts were involved and it was public funuding, the guy was supposed to report everything- including progress and compliance- to the court. If I didn't do exactly what he wanted, he would tell the judge I wasn't cooperative. 5) He was not consistent. He would tell me one thing one day, and something entirely different another day. So, if we were to get a case manager who acts like this, would we be able to change that person? on the other hand, if we're headed for this, we are much better off if I intiate it/ask for it because I think they would be more apt to see me as cooperative, listen to me about what I think we/difficult child needs, and hear me if I say there is a conflict with one particular person or this particular idea is not working. (At least in theory) But, last year, I ask for in-home help and the judge ordered that (so county would pay for it). Something got mis-contrued and the MST guy was ordered. MST was for a kid with conduct disorder and that problem being the biggest issue. Now one would think that once I explained and showed evidence to MST guy that this was not the biggest issue in our house or at school, he would have said "oh, ok, well I'll report that, I understand where you're coming from". After all, the initail request for help came from me. But instead, I had to get everything in writing and take it to court to show evidence to the judge because the GAL, the MST guy and the PO told me they DID NOT CARE what issue difficult child had- MST was ordered and we had to do it. I got it changed, but what I had to go through to get it changed was remarkable. I want to make sure that I'm not walking into a similar or worse situation this time. [/QUOTE]
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