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Nuggets of Wisdom from Sober Living
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739138" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Albatross. Oh no. </p><p></p><p>I do not understand our children. I do not understand our lives. Maybe I do not understand life itself. If such a thing can happen.</p><p></p><p>There is hope. He will crash. Not just the car.</p><p></p><p>We have to believe that this was the real him in the program. To have faith he is in there, still That this person who he really is will reassert himself. That this is one part of him. Only. Only what one part of him wants.</p><p></p><p>There will be a dialogue. In time. </p><p></p><p>You wrote of it so beautifully. The place to stand. Without preconditions or expectations. Why can't I ever remember what you wrote! When it was so meaningful to me.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to hold on to. That. But it is all each of us has. The love.</p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry albatross. And I really cannot believe it.</p><p></p><p>I know this was unintended. The cruelty of this. That you be collateral damage. And that he is not a cruel man. But what a cruel, cruel blow. I am sorry.</p><p></p><p>PS</p><p></p><p>I wish I knew what to say. It is a blow for all of us.</p><p></p><p>After half an hour I find myself asking instead of why, but how?</p><p></p><p>Is this compartmentalizing? Self deception on his part. Is it a fugue state? Does he go into oblivion! Or seek it. Kind of like my online shopping. </p><p> </p><p>There is a real innocence about him. <em>I had a nice farewell dinner with my parents.</em> This is not deception. It is clueless. It is as if he is operating on one frequency and the rest of us on another. Or maybe we are the ones out of synch. </p><p></p><p>He really, really seems to have not factored in at all the effect of this on you, or thought at all about how this would play, or cared. I am trying to fathom this. Because maybe if I can understand, I will not have to be so terribly crushed about my own son. Who seems to not love me much of the time, or care if he hurts me. </p><p></p><p>He will resurface. Not just physically. But I believe he will have regret and awareness. It need only be a moment's lapse. I am praying.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739138, member: 18958"] Albatross. Oh no. I do not understand our children. I do not understand our lives. Maybe I do not understand life itself. If such a thing can happen. There is hope. He will crash. Not just the car. We have to believe that this was the real him in the program. To have faith he is in there, still That this person who he really is will reassert himself. That this is one part of him. Only. Only what one part of him wants. There will be a dialogue. In time. You wrote of it so beautifully. The place to stand. Without preconditions or expectations. Why can't I ever remember what you wrote! When it was so meaningful to me. It is hard to hold on to. That. But it is all each of us has. The love. I am so very sorry albatross. And I really cannot believe it. I know this was unintended. The cruelty of this. That you be collateral damage. And that he is not a cruel man. But what a cruel, cruel blow. I am sorry. PS I wish I knew what to say. It is a blow for all of us. After half an hour I find myself asking instead of why, but how? Is this compartmentalizing? Self deception on his part. Is it a fugue state? Does he go into oblivion! Or seek it. Kind of like my online shopping. There is a real innocence about him. [I]I had a nice farewell dinner with my parents.[/I] This is not deception. It is clueless. It is as if he is operating on one frequency and the rest of us on another. Or maybe we are the ones out of synch. He really, really seems to have not factored in at all the effect of this on you, or thought at all about how this would play, or cared. I am trying to fathom this. Because maybe if I can understand, I will not have to be so terribly crushed about my own son. Who seems to not love me much of the time, or care if he hurts me. He will resurface. Not just physically. But I believe he will have regret and awareness. It need only be a moment's lapse. I am praying. [/QUOTE]
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