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Nuggets of Wisdom from Sober Living
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739188" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Albatross. Is there any word yet about how or where son is? How are you? </p><p>____</p><p></p><p>RN. M is a lifelong alcoholic. While he quit drinking for 19 years he resumed when he came to this country.</p><p></p><p>He was drinking when I met him. One year later, something happened with us that made him deeply ashamed. He stopped drinking the next day and in 8 years has never drunk again. He believes that it is a question of will. Of deciding. That there is nothing easy about it, but doable, when it is decided.</p><p></p><p>It seems that our children's motivation to stop depends upon whether it is located in some short term goal or problem, or whether it is about who they are and choose to be. And the awareness that the choosing to be who you are will continue for the rest of their lives, just like for every one of us.</p><p></p><p>This really puts things into perspective for me. This is not something that happens to them, as participants, not something they undergo but the conscious choice to exercise a muscle that they must continually exercise, because they choose it. And if they choose to not exercise, for a time, it is the awareness, that they can resume. At any point.</p><p></p><p>I do not know what is the answer, or even the question, but it really, really is entering my consciousness, that it is not my question or my answer either. </p><p></p><p>Some of us have been writing about loving them from a distance, without conditions, without expectations, without an agenda. In my case that is not possible right now because my son wants to inflict pain, because I am not engaging with him in the way he wants, in terms of responding to his needs, or feelings. </p><p></p><p>I do not know how this will go, our story. But for right now I will focus on my own. Which has been flooded and sunk, by my focus upon his.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739188, member: 18958"] Albatross. Is there any word yet about how or where son is? How are you? ____ RN. M is a lifelong alcoholic. While he quit drinking for 19 years he resumed when he came to this country. He was drinking when I met him. One year later, something happened with us that made him deeply ashamed. He stopped drinking the next day and in 8 years has never drunk again. He believes that it is a question of will. Of deciding. That there is nothing easy about it, but doable, when it is decided. It seems that our children's motivation to stop depends upon whether it is located in some short term goal or problem, or whether it is about who they are and choose to be. And the awareness that the choosing to be who you are will continue for the rest of their lives, just like for every one of us. This really puts things into perspective for me. This is not something that happens to them, as participants, not something they undergo but the conscious choice to exercise a muscle that they must continually exercise, because they choose it. And if they choose to not exercise, for a time, it is the awareness, that they can resume. At any point. I do not know what is the answer, or even the question, but it really, really is entering my consciousness, that it is not my question or my answer either. Some of us have been writing about loving them from a distance, without conditions, without expectations, without an agenda. In my case that is not possible right now because my son wants to inflict pain, because I am not engaging with him in the way he wants, in terms of responding to his needs, or feelings. I do not know how this will go, our story. But for right now I will focus on my own. Which has been flooded and sunk, by my focus upon his. [/QUOTE]
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