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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739400" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Albatross. I am glad he is back there. It makes it that much more clear-cut for you. In that he will have to affirmatively and sober-mindedly choose to leave the program knowing full well and with clarity what he is choosing. One could say he fell in the canal this time. Next time he will dive in.</p><p></p><p>Two questions.</p><p></p><p>Where did he get the money he saved to buy the electronics?</p><p></p><p>What happened...this...in the way that it happened...how is it different or worse than what you accepted a "regular" or expected or acceptable relapse would be?</p><p></p><p>I am not being cute here. Each of us here knows what we felt when we read what happened. I edited my first post several times to remove evidence of my extreme reaction.</p><p></p><p>Let me first write this. (Sorry. Am on cell.) Everything you have written about your son in the past has made me think of him as at heart loving, good, kind and decent.</p><p></p><p>That said the relapse to me, was special in these ways:</p><p></p><p>The canal. The plan. The set up. The meal. The deception. The unawareness and indifference that resulted in your being made his victims. The predatory quality that enabled the con.</p><p></p><p>But this is my point. Are these qualities, these behaviors not part of the disease? Or if one wants to reject the disease concept, are these qualities not a manifestation of going astray? Of losing touch with one's core, real self.</p><p></p><p>Which makes this all the more tragic.</p><p></p><p>I am tearing up here. My father was a depraved alcoholic. But as a small child I remembered him to be the most loving of fathers. I felt him to be a prince, really. In my memory. You see, my parents divorced.and for a long time I had only my memories.</p><p></p><p>Over the years he became so depraved that when I was 27 I never saw him again. I could not tolerate how degraded I became around him. He grew to hate me.</p><p></p><p>In these many years since he left, I believed that my sense he was a prince was a fantasy.</p><p></p><p>You see. In this post I am seeing, it may not have been.</p><p></p><p>Oh the places we will go. (I say, facetiously.) Our lives take us on journeys. Like an escalator in an airport. And unless we get off. And stay off, we may arrive into horror.</p><p></p><p>Your son, a good person, for now seems hell bent to step back on. How many times he will do so is unknown.</p><p></p><p>I guess I am writing that to me a relapse is a relapse. This was a doozy. Yes. But the horror is the elevator.</p><p></p><p>I am asking myself here the question. At what point does a good man (our parents, our sons) become changed by the degradation into which he steps? Do they ever become bad men? Like I felt my father became.</p><p></p><p>Am trying to find in my own heart that belief that my father was a good man. Because as long as my heart holds that turning from openness to bitterness and hurt and despair, I too have gotten on the airport elevator, with him.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to accept I have given over such a large and vital part of my heart, for nearly my whole life.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry Albatross.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739400, member: 18958"] Hi Albatross. I am glad he is back there. It makes it that much more clear-cut for you. In that he will have to affirmatively and sober-mindedly choose to leave the program knowing full well and with clarity what he is choosing. One could say he fell in the canal this time. Next time he will dive in. Two questions. Where did he get the money he saved to buy the electronics? What happened...this...in the way that it happened...how is it different or worse than what you accepted a "regular" or expected or acceptable relapse would be? I am not being cute here. Each of us here knows what we felt when we read what happened. I edited my first post several times to remove evidence of my extreme reaction. Let me first write this. (Sorry. Am on cell.) Everything you have written about your son in the past has made me think of him as at heart loving, good, kind and decent. That said the relapse to me, was special in these ways: The canal. The plan. The set up. The meal. The deception. The unawareness and indifference that resulted in your being made his victims. The predatory quality that enabled the con. But this is my point. Are these qualities, these behaviors not part of the disease? Or if one wants to reject the disease concept, are these qualities not a manifestation of going astray? Of losing touch with one's core, real self. Which makes this all the more tragic. I am tearing up here. My father was a depraved alcoholic. But as a small child I remembered him to be the most loving of fathers. I felt him to be a prince, really. In my memory. You see, my parents divorced.and for a long time I had only my memories. Over the years he became so depraved that when I was 27 I never saw him again. I could not tolerate how degraded I became around him. He grew to hate me. In these many years since he left, I believed that my sense he was a prince was a fantasy. You see. In this post I am seeing, it may not have been. Oh the places we will go. (I say, facetiously.) Our lives take us on journeys. Like an escalator in an airport. And unless we get off. And stay off, we may arrive into horror. Your son, a good person, for now seems hell bent to step back on. How many times he will do so is unknown. I guess I am writing that to me a relapse is a relapse. This was a doozy. Yes. But the horror is the elevator. I am asking myself here the question. At what point does a good man (our parents, our sons) become changed by the degradation into which he steps? Do they ever become bad men? Like I felt my father became. Am trying to find in my own heart that belief that my father was a good man. Because as long as my heart holds that turning from openness to bitterness and hurt and despair, I too have gotten on the airport elevator, with him. It is hard to accept I have given over such a large and vital part of my heart, for nearly my whole life. I am sorry Albatross. [/QUOTE]
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