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Substance Abuse
Nuggets of Wisdom from Sober Living
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739424" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Albatross. Do you not think he was drunk and the farthest thing from his mind was you guys, and the effect upon you. I would think he would be in active and desperate denial to the consequences for you and your feelings.</p><p> This must be true. I keep trying to find a response to counter it and I cannot. I do not think my own son is motivated in the least by his love for me, mine for him, or any sense of obligation or responsibility.</p><p></p><p>I have the fantasy that my absence will motivate him to choose in such a way as to restore our relationship. But I know this is a fantasy. This story, yours, reinforces this for me. </p><p></p><p>Tl models an appropriate and realistic stance, for me. The only expectation being decent conduct towards her. Keeping him at a distance, in terms of insulating his poor behavior and discouraging his dependency. Support and counsel, as he asks for it, to the extent that makes sense. Insisting upon his independence and self-responsibility. Willingness to keep in the game with him, without conditions. She does not personalize it, and have skin in the game in terms of her own emotional needs.</p><p></p><p>Not one of these things am I able to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739424, member: 18958"] Albatross. Do you not think he was drunk and the farthest thing from his mind was you guys, and the effect upon you. I would think he would be in active and desperate denial to the consequences for you and your feelings. This must be true. I keep trying to find a response to counter it and I cannot. I do not think my own son is motivated in the least by his love for me, mine for him, or any sense of obligation or responsibility. I have the fantasy that my absence will motivate him to choose in such a way as to restore our relationship. But I know this is a fantasy. This story, yours, reinforces this for me. Tl models an appropriate and realistic stance, for me. The only expectation being decent conduct towards her. Keeping him at a distance, in terms of insulating his poor behavior and discouraging his dependency. Support and counsel, as he asks for it, to the extent that makes sense. Insisting upon his independence and self-responsibility. Willingness to keep in the game with him, without conditions. She does not personalize it, and have skin in the game in terms of her own emotional needs. Not one of these things am I able to do. [/QUOTE]
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