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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 649469" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Since it sounds like you own the property, put cameras outside the building (where you can catch them coming and going) under the guise of "security" I believe in every state it is OK to video someone as long as it is in pubic. With the video, it is probable that you can catch them out of the house for long periods of time without the baby - proof for DCF of neglect. Also since you said that she is smoking pot and nursing I would call DCF again to have the baby tested for drugs in it's system. If you get nowhere with the DCF Hotline, keep going up the ladder until you get some one who "hears" your concerns. Too many babies are dying because of lack of action on the part of these agencies. If you don't get anywhere with DCF - go to your local police and lay out the whole situation to them. I don't think I have ever heard of a cop that will tolerate abuse/neglect of a child. Keep calm and just keep putting one foot in front of the other until the baby is removed from this environment. Absolutely cut off all funds and moneys from these two, it will give you more leverage, give you something to manipulate back with. Let them scream, rage whatever - your number one job here is to no longer be manipulated and to get the baby to a place of safety.</p><p></p><p>It is only natural that eventually you would stop having feelings for people who are/live this way - if they were people not related to you, you would have them cut out of your life a long time ago. A mother's guilt can make us do things we would never do in any other type of relationship. How they are living and what they are doing are NOT your fault!!!! As you said, you did not raise him this way but now these are HIS choices whether through addiction or any other reason. </p><p></p><p>It takes time to heal when our children have hurt us and when we are forced to see that they will even hurt their own baby with their selfishness. I understand where you are coming from - you want out - but what to do about the baby. Well first you have to collect yourself emotionally - help yourself, before you can do anything else. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I also understand this, although my grandson was much older when I went no contact (he was 15) I could not allow him to be pulled into be used as a pawn in her sick manipulations of me (he kept me stuck for a long time). It was better for him - not to be used in that way than it was for me to have a relationship with him. Now mind you his home situation was much different - their was no neglect or physical abuse. (other stuff I won't go into now) </p><p></p><p>Exactly, these things they say are beyond hateful, they are meant to demean you and manipulate you and your feelings. Being the way they have been, living the way they have been, keeps you trapped in a dysfunctional situation and that is exactly where they want you to be. I have one piece of advice for you when you hear that type of garbage: Stop trying to make sense out of nonsense! They are CRAZY in their opinions if they actually do believe them so the opinions they spout are meaningless except that they hurt you so stop listening to it and stop letting what crazy people say effect you. When you hear it just mentally say like the young people say: Well Whatever!</p><p></p><p>As soon as you are able to wrap your head around everything that has happened/is happening move forward and make it your mission to get that poor child out of situation no matter what it takes. I think that would make you feel a whole lot better if you could actually do something to help another helpless victim in this situation. Also I think if you could help the baby, you would be finally able to cut the cord with your son and his behaviors.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 649469, member: 18366"] Since it sounds like you own the property, put cameras outside the building (where you can catch them coming and going) under the guise of "security" I believe in every state it is OK to video someone as long as it is in pubic. With the video, it is probable that you can catch them out of the house for long periods of time without the baby - proof for DCF of neglect. Also since you said that she is smoking pot and nursing I would call DCF again to have the baby tested for drugs in it's system. If you get nowhere with the DCF Hotline, keep going up the ladder until you get some one who "hears" your concerns. Too many babies are dying because of lack of action on the part of these agencies. If you don't get anywhere with DCF - go to your local police and lay out the whole situation to them. I don't think I have ever heard of a cop that will tolerate abuse/neglect of a child. Keep calm and just keep putting one foot in front of the other until the baby is removed from this environment. Absolutely cut off all funds and moneys from these two, it will give you more leverage, give you something to manipulate back with. Let them scream, rage whatever - your number one job here is to no longer be manipulated and to get the baby to a place of safety. It is only natural that eventually you would stop having feelings for people who are/live this way - if they were people not related to you, you would have them cut out of your life a long time ago. A mother's guilt can make us do things we would never do in any other type of relationship. How they are living and what they are doing are NOT your fault!!!! As you said, you did not raise him this way but now these are HIS choices whether through addiction or any other reason. It takes time to heal when our children have hurt us and when we are forced to see that they will even hurt their own baby with their selfishness. I understand where you are coming from - you want out - but what to do about the baby. Well first you have to collect yourself emotionally - help yourself, before you can do anything else. I also understand this, although my grandson was much older when I went no contact (he was 15) I could not allow him to be pulled into be used as a pawn in her sick manipulations of me (he kept me stuck for a long time). It was better for him - not to be used in that way than it was for me to have a relationship with him. Now mind you his home situation was much different - their was no neglect or physical abuse. (other stuff I won't go into now) Exactly, these things they say are beyond hateful, they are meant to demean you and manipulate you and your feelings. Being the way they have been, living the way they have been, keeps you trapped in a dysfunctional situation and that is exactly where they want you to be. I have one piece of advice for you when you hear that type of garbage: Stop trying to make sense out of nonsense! They are CRAZY in their opinions if they actually do believe them so the opinions they spout are meaningless except that they hurt you so stop listening to it and stop letting what crazy people say effect you. When you hear it just mentally say like the young people say: Well Whatever! As soon as you are able to wrap your head around everything that has happened/is happening move forward and make it your mission to get that poor child out of situation no matter what it takes. I think that would make you feel a whole lot better if you could actually do something to help another helpless victim in this situation. Also I think if you could help the baby, you would be finally able to cut the cord with your son and his behaviors. [/QUOTE]
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