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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 302307" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First off, many hugs to you and your husband and son. It is SO HARD to have to deal with all of this. Those of us here on the board truly do "get it" even when no parent or teacher you know really does. This is the place to come to for support, help, advice, a shoulder to cry on and/or a kick in the pants if needed. (We all seem to need that kick in the pants on rare occasions. No one here would do it unless the situation is extreme. I promise!)</p><p></p><p>I think the ODD diagnosis is a waste of your time. ALL it tells you is that the people testing your son don't have a clue. It doesn't tell you WHY your son is this way and it doesn't tell you how to help him. It just says he is a difficult child. </p><p></p><p>You already KNEW that!</p><p></p><p>I agree that it is time for private testing. Schools do test. Their tests are geared to figuring out what is causing problems at school. Period. Schools do care about kids but they are invested in finding that nothing is wrong. If they identify a problem then they have to spend money and time and effort accommodating and supporting the child.</p><p></p><p>Wthe economy you can guess how much they want another problem to fix and another child to provide supports to.</p><p></p><p>First you need to go to the Special Education 101 forum and get help writing a letter asking for a full and complete evaluation. It MUST be MAILED to the school via certified mail return receipt requested. This puts into place timelines for the school to evaluate him. It also puts vital protections into place for him. It is a federal law so the school cannot get around this. Many try and many parents end up fighting. But many school systems also are truly helpful.</p><p></p><p>Either way, the request MUST be in writing and mailed that way. Verbal requests are almost worth the paper they are printed on. </p><p></p><p>Then you need to check your insurance and book appts with a developmental pediatrician, a neuropsychologist who specializes in children, a private occupational therapist who treats sensory integration disorder, an audiologist and a speech pathologist. You may have to go see the pediatrician and get referrals. have a list of the problems, what you have done, what does and does not work. Be firm that you have spent 2 years on this and it is NOT a parenting issue. You may have to be forceful and direct but insist on these appointments anyway.</p><p></p><p>The school Occupational Therapist (OT) first said my Tyler had no problems. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) said he had sensory itnegration disorder and problems with every single type of sensory input. Then the school Occupational Therapist (OT) "saw the light" and said of course he did, she knew that, she just meant that he didn't have any problems OTHER than those. It was a total lie and everyone at the meeting knew it. She didn't meet my eyes for an entire YEAR after that.</p><p></p><p>I strongly recommend you start putting together a Parent Report. A long time ago some of the moms here came up with a format to help organize all the info that applies to our difficult children. This lets us have all the info at our fingertips so we can fill in those annoying forms at teh doctor's office and school and it lets us be able to communicate with all the docs in a consistent way. Once it is done you can give the people working with you to help your son copies of all or part of the info as they need it. I do NOT recommend giving all the info to school. Too many times they twist it around and/or use it against you or the child. Many school personnel also will not understand it and then they end up with the wrong ideas.</p><p></p><p>You can find this outline in the FAQ/Board Help section. It is in the thread titled "Multidisciplinary Evaluation/Parent Input". Don't try to do it all at once. It is just too much. Work on it a section at a time or for an hour or 2 at a time. Also it is a good idea to put a photo of your child at the beginning and at the start of each section. This helps the docs remember which child they are reading about. You can take a school photo and place it on the original report and then just have the xeroxes of it instead of an original on the copy you give to others. </p><p></p><p>I really think that new evaluations may come up with an Asperger's diagnosis. And sensory integration disorder. His actions/words are so much like my son's at that age.</p><p></p><p>Also read up on gifted children. usually they are bored. Bored little boys cause trouble. They just get so bored they want to liven things up. They also perform poorly on tasks that are too simple. I used to have my child just do the last 5 or 6 problems on a worksheet. usually the hardest problems are at the end of the page. If he could do those with no problem then I didn't make him do all of them. I am sure I drove the teachers crazy but they drove me batty also. They refused to do anything to challenge him in kdg, first and second grades. They constantly told him he was stupid and bad and a failure. It drove him to try to commit suicide at age 7. THAT is how I found out what they were telling him when I wasn't there.</p><p></p><p>They even told him that I told them those things. That I thought of him that way.</p><p></p><p>We homeschooled him for a few years after that. </p><p></p><p>Your son is so bright. But he may have some learning disabilities and other problems that will mean he needs help and support. Testing now will help you help him. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. It may be a long time coming but it IS there. My aspie is almost 18. He graduated high school in May of 2009 and is taking a vocational course to be a machinist. It started last year and is tuition free. He will graduate in May from that. Then he wants to work as a machinist to put himself through college.</p><p></p><p>He is no longer violent and mean. He is a total sweetie and a wonderful big bro and son. This is especially amazing because we had to have the sheriff remove him from our home at 14 because he was beating me. He lives with my parents and somehow they have helped us help him turn his life around.</p><p></p><p>So our kids DO have real opportunities and chances. It is a tough road but the rewards can be incredible. For now, maybe ease up on the homework. If he can do the hardest problems then let school worry about the rest. Until you work iwth an Occupational Therapist (OT) maybe skip the cutting. Many of us have found that homework is NOT worth the battle. </p><p></p><p>It can eat all of your family time if you insist he do it all at home. Maybe set a time limit of 20 or 30 minutes. If he doesn't do it then his grade suffers or he has a consequence at school. don't let school battles poison your home life with him. I truly wish I had learned that earlier. </p><p></p><p>PLEASE be sure they do not EVER take recess away from him. If they simply MUST give him a recess punishment have them make him walk around the playground in a big circle. Or run the circle a time or two. Make sure he has at least half the recess time to just be himself, to not have to do what is expected otehr than not hurting himself or others. Taking the time he can blow off steam and get the wiggles out away will not make his work better. It will just take all that steam and all those wiggles and turn it all into a major uproar. </p><p></p><p>Lots of hugs. I know it is overwhelming. But you can and will figure out how to help your child. We will help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 302307, member: 1233"] First off, many hugs to you and your husband and son. It is SO HARD to have to deal with all of this. Those of us here on the board truly do "get it" even when no parent or teacher you know really does. This is the place to come to for support, help, advice, a shoulder to cry on and/or a kick in the pants if needed. (We all seem to need that kick in the pants on rare occasions. No one here would do it unless the situation is extreme. I promise!) I think the ODD diagnosis is a waste of your time. ALL it tells you is that the people testing your son don't have a clue. It doesn't tell you WHY your son is this way and it doesn't tell you how to help him. It just says he is a difficult child. You already KNEW that! I agree that it is time for private testing. Schools do test. Their tests are geared to figuring out what is causing problems at school. Period. Schools do care about kids but they are invested in finding that nothing is wrong. If they identify a problem then they have to spend money and time and effort accommodating and supporting the child. Wthe economy you can guess how much they want another problem to fix and another child to provide supports to. First you need to go to the Special Education 101 forum and get help writing a letter asking for a full and complete evaluation. It MUST be MAILED to the school via certified mail return receipt requested. This puts into place timelines for the school to evaluate him. It also puts vital protections into place for him. It is a federal law so the school cannot get around this. Many try and many parents end up fighting. But many school systems also are truly helpful. Either way, the request MUST be in writing and mailed that way. Verbal requests are almost worth the paper they are printed on. Then you need to check your insurance and book appts with a developmental pediatrician, a neuropsychologist who specializes in children, a private occupational therapist who treats sensory integration disorder, an audiologist and a speech pathologist. You may have to go see the pediatrician and get referrals. have a list of the problems, what you have done, what does and does not work. Be firm that you have spent 2 years on this and it is NOT a parenting issue. You may have to be forceful and direct but insist on these appointments anyway. The school Occupational Therapist (OT) first said my Tyler had no problems. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) said he had sensory itnegration disorder and problems with every single type of sensory input. Then the school Occupational Therapist (OT) "saw the light" and said of course he did, she knew that, she just meant that he didn't have any problems OTHER than those. It was a total lie and everyone at the meeting knew it. She didn't meet my eyes for an entire YEAR after that. I strongly recommend you start putting together a Parent Report. A long time ago some of the moms here came up with a format to help organize all the info that applies to our difficult children. This lets us have all the info at our fingertips so we can fill in those annoying forms at teh doctor's office and school and it lets us be able to communicate with all the docs in a consistent way. Once it is done you can give the people working with you to help your son copies of all or part of the info as they need it. I do NOT recommend giving all the info to school. Too many times they twist it around and/or use it against you or the child. Many school personnel also will not understand it and then they end up with the wrong ideas. You can find this outline in the FAQ/Board Help section. It is in the thread titled "Multidisciplinary Evaluation/Parent Input". Don't try to do it all at once. It is just too much. Work on it a section at a time or for an hour or 2 at a time. Also it is a good idea to put a photo of your child at the beginning and at the start of each section. This helps the docs remember which child they are reading about. You can take a school photo and place it on the original report and then just have the xeroxes of it instead of an original on the copy you give to others. I really think that new evaluations may come up with an Asperger's diagnosis. And sensory integration disorder. His actions/words are so much like my son's at that age. Also read up on gifted children. usually they are bored. Bored little boys cause trouble. They just get so bored they want to liven things up. They also perform poorly on tasks that are too simple. I used to have my child just do the last 5 or 6 problems on a worksheet. usually the hardest problems are at the end of the page. If he could do those with no problem then I didn't make him do all of them. I am sure I drove the teachers crazy but they drove me batty also. They refused to do anything to challenge him in kdg, first and second grades. They constantly told him he was stupid and bad and a failure. It drove him to try to commit suicide at age 7. THAT is how I found out what they were telling him when I wasn't there. They even told him that I told them those things. That I thought of him that way. We homeschooled him for a few years after that. Your son is so bright. But he may have some learning disabilities and other problems that will mean he needs help and support. Testing now will help you help him. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. It may be a long time coming but it IS there. My aspie is almost 18. He graduated high school in May of 2009 and is taking a vocational course to be a machinist. It started last year and is tuition free. He will graduate in May from that. Then he wants to work as a machinist to put himself through college. He is no longer violent and mean. He is a total sweetie and a wonderful big bro and son. This is especially amazing because we had to have the sheriff remove him from our home at 14 because he was beating me. He lives with my parents and somehow they have helped us help him turn his life around. So our kids DO have real opportunities and chances. It is a tough road but the rewards can be incredible. For now, maybe ease up on the homework. If he can do the hardest problems then let school worry about the rest. Until you work iwth an Occupational Therapist (OT) maybe skip the cutting. Many of us have found that homework is NOT worth the battle. It can eat all of your family time if you insist he do it all at home. Maybe set a time limit of 20 or 30 minutes. If he doesn't do it then his grade suffers or he has a consequence at school. don't let school battles poison your home life with him. I truly wish I had learned that earlier. PLEASE be sure they do not EVER take recess away from him. If they simply MUST give him a recess punishment have them make him walk around the playground in a big circle. Or run the circle a time or two. Make sure he has at least half the recess time to just be himself, to not have to do what is expected otehr than not hurting himself or others. Taking the time he can blow off steam and get the wiggles out away will not make his work better. It will just take all that steam and all those wiggles and turn it all into a major uproar. Lots of hugs. I know it is overwhelming. But you can and will figure out how to help your child. We will help. [/QUOTE]
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