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ODD pre-teen
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 150809" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok, wait, hold on. "I antagonize him because he gets on my nerves." Right off the bat you have admitted and seem to know that you are part of the problem, and it needs to stop. Being older, you need to be the one to stop the cycle. Do NOT antagonize a troubled child; things will only get worse. "I have no intention of breaking up MY family because of him." Um, he's your wife's son. He's YOUR family too. Sorry, he is.</p><p>You married this woman AND her child and he is a part of her. Sorry to break the mood...I DO want to be supportative...but you're talking about him like he's NOT part of t he family, like he's ruined the family and like you dislike him. Whether or not you like it, he's your wife's son and you can't just get rid of him. It's not fair to you? Not fair to HIM either. Doesn't seem like anyone cares enough to help find out what's wrong with him and to work with professionals to help him. He is still young...</p><p>First of all, I would give him a complete brand new evaluation. Something isn't right with him, and he needs help and he's not getting it in either home. I strongly recommend a neuropsychologist examination. This little boy has a father with possible mental health issues that he may have inherited (and probably did) and it is NOT his fault. And you are the adult. If you know you are stubborn and that you expect instant obedience than you can change the way you react to him too. You seem to know that this is not right and that it does not work, yet you say you still do it. "Popping him" is very unacceptable for a few reasons. The most obvious is it doesn't work. The other reasons are because he will learn to do the same and because he's NOT your child. You could get into serious trouble, depending on where you live. I'm not sure what you mean by "popping" but to me I think of pulling off a belt and whacking him or slapping his face. I certainly don't feel it will help the situation. Nor will your getting into "I will win, I am more powerful" matches. I think he needs therapy, but that you do too...probably the entire family, to learn to live with a child who is different. </p><p>This boy is the "odd man out." YOu and wife and kids are all biologically related. He knows, no matter how well you believe you are hiding it, that he's not as important to you as the others, and it hurts him. And it needs fixing. He also knows that he's somehow different, which he can start to think is "bad", and that nobody really wants him. ODD is rarely a stand alone diagnosis. If his father is an alcoholic he is at high risk for a mood disorder, such as childhood bipolar and in my opinion you need to explore the possibility. It sounds like more than ADD to me and ADD medications make kids with mood disorders worse. </p><p>When you signed up for this marriage, you signed up for the child and in my opinion you owe it to him to try just as hard as you would if one of your biological children were in trouble. This child hasn't been evaluated or treated recently--it's about time. </p><p>I'm sorry, but your post made me feel bad for this child. I had a few difficult children who are doing well now, but I"m sure they wouldn't be if they'd have felt "not part of the family." </p><p>I'd do the family therapy at once and get him signed up for a neuropsychologist evaluation. These evaluations are very intensive and can be up to ten hours. Something needs to change or this little guy, who has had a tough life and was born different, may get into drugs or worse. I hope everyone is on board and wants to prevent that from happening. Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 150809, member: 1550"] Ok, wait, hold on. "I antagonize him because he gets on my nerves." Right off the bat you have admitted and seem to know that you are part of the problem, and it needs to stop. Being older, you need to be the one to stop the cycle. Do NOT antagonize a troubled child; things will only get worse. "I have no intention of breaking up MY family because of him." Um, he's your wife's son. He's YOUR family too. Sorry, he is. You married this woman AND her child and he is a part of her. Sorry to break the mood...I DO want to be supportative...but you're talking about him like he's NOT part of t he family, like he's ruined the family and like you dislike him. Whether or not you like it, he's your wife's son and you can't just get rid of him. It's not fair to you? Not fair to HIM either. Doesn't seem like anyone cares enough to help find out what's wrong with him and to work with professionals to help him. He is still young... First of all, I would give him a complete brand new evaluation. Something isn't right with him, and he needs help and he's not getting it in either home. I strongly recommend a neuropsychologist examination. This little boy has a father with possible mental health issues that he may have inherited (and probably did) and it is NOT his fault. And you are the adult. If you know you are stubborn and that you expect instant obedience than you can change the way you react to him too. You seem to know that this is not right and that it does not work, yet you say you still do it. "Popping him" is very unacceptable for a few reasons. The most obvious is it doesn't work. The other reasons are because he will learn to do the same and because he's NOT your child. You could get into serious trouble, depending on where you live. I'm not sure what you mean by "popping" but to me I think of pulling off a belt and whacking him or slapping his face. I certainly don't feel it will help the situation. Nor will your getting into "I will win, I am more powerful" matches. I think he needs therapy, but that you do too...probably the entire family, to learn to live with a child who is different. This boy is the "odd man out." YOu and wife and kids are all biologically related. He knows, no matter how well you believe you are hiding it, that he's not as important to you as the others, and it hurts him. And it needs fixing. He also knows that he's somehow different, which he can start to think is "bad", and that nobody really wants him. ODD is rarely a stand alone diagnosis. If his father is an alcoholic he is at high risk for a mood disorder, such as childhood bipolar and in my opinion you need to explore the possibility. It sounds like more than ADD to me and ADD medications make kids with mood disorders worse. When you signed up for this marriage, you signed up for the child and in my opinion you owe it to him to try just as hard as you would if one of your biological children were in trouble. This child hasn't been evaluated or treated recently--it's about time. I'm sorry, but your post made me feel bad for this child. I had a few difficult children who are doing well now, but I"m sure they wouldn't be if they'd have felt "not part of the family." I'd do the family therapy at once and get him signed up for a neuropsychologist evaluation. These evaluations are very intensive and can be up to ten hours. Something needs to change or this little guy, who has had a tough life and was born different, may get into drugs or worse. I hope everyone is on board and wants to prevent that from happening. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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