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ODD, the teen years
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<blockquote data-quote="Irene_J" data-source="post: 97111" data-attributes="member: 181"><p>Did something specific happen to warrant the psychiatric program? My difficult child is now 19, in community college and works part time. She didn't really start to change until she wanted to change. And when she did change, I was there to support her; if she had not changed, she would have been kicked out as soon as legally possible. </p><p></p><p>I found that picking my battles carefully worked best for my household. I didn't compromise on safety or school attendance, but I let alot of the other items go. This is not to say that she complied on the two issues, but when she didn't that was when I imposed consequences. When she was your difficult child's age, the cell phone and the computer meant everything, and these are the items I took away. </p><p></p><p>I also believe wholeheartedly in natural consequences. When she was out past curfew, I called the police. When she was in a house filled with teens and no adult, I called the police. When the school wanted to suspend her, I let them do it and did not petition for something different. She was even expelled once and had to finish out the rest of the semester with a one-on-one teacher meeting daily in the library (our school district had to supply an alternative when expelling a student).</p><p></p><p>When she should have been a junior, she only had enough credits to be a freshman. I was fully prepared kick her out at age 18, but something happened. She "saw" her future and didn't like it. She came to me for help and along with the CST, we devised a plan to help her graduate on time. She had to take extra credits at another high school (giving up her lunch time). She attended summer school the last 3 years and because she has a learning disability, I got some of the requirements waived. And she graduated on time. She heard people talking about proms, senior picnics and colleges, and decided she wanted that life too. And she came to me for help, and I was glad to give it.</p><p></p><p>She didn't qualify for a 4 year college, but hopes to transfer after she finishes community college. </p><p></p><p>So my difficult child turned it around when she decided she wanted to turn it around. I was there to help after she made the decision, but it really has to come from the person.</p><p></p><p>Another thing she did was to drop her bunch of loser friends. This is almost as important as the other stuff.</p><p></p><p>This has been a long answer. I hope you can take a little bit from it. I actually think the middle school years were worse than the high school years. I still shudder when I think about what I went through in middle school.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Irene_J, post: 97111, member: 181"] Did something specific happen to warrant the psychiatric program? My difficult child is now 19, in community college and works part time. She didn't really start to change until she wanted to change. And when she did change, I was there to support her; if she had not changed, she would have been kicked out as soon as legally possible. I found that picking my battles carefully worked best for my household. I didn't compromise on safety or school attendance, but I let alot of the other items go. This is not to say that she complied on the two issues, but when she didn't that was when I imposed consequences. When she was your difficult child's age, the cell phone and the computer meant everything, and these are the items I took away. I also believe wholeheartedly in natural consequences. When she was out past curfew, I called the police. When she was in a house filled with teens and no adult, I called the police. When the school wanted to suspend her, I let them do it and did not petition for something different. She was even expelled once and had to finish out the rest of the semester with a one-on-one teacher meeting daily in the library (our school district had to supply an alternative when expelling a student). When she should have been a junior, she only had enough credits to be a freshman. I was fully prepared kick her out at age 18, but something happened. She "saw" her future and didn't like it. She came to me for help and along with the CST, we devised a plan to help her graduate on time. She had to take extra credits at another high school (giving up her lunch time). She attended summer school the last 3 years and because she has a learning disability, I got some of the requirements waived. And she graduated on time. She heard people talking about proms, senior picnics and colleges, and decided she wanted that life too. And she came to me for help, and I was glad to give it. She didn't qualify for a 4 year college, but hopes to transfer after she finishes community college. So my difficult child turned it around when she decided she wanted to turn it around. I was there to help after she made the decision, but it really has to come from the person. Another thing she did was to drop her bunch of loser friends. This is almost as important as the other stuff. This has been a long answer. I hope you can take a little bit from it. I actually think the middle school years were worse than the high school years. I still shudder when I think about what I went through in middle school. [/QUOTE]
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