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Substance Abuse
Off the wagon, again....
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 38887" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Mikey,</p><p>from my point of view the fact that your son is blatantly defying you (i.e., cooking pot when he knew you would be coming home) means that you have to step up and be the dad and put a stop to it. I agree with the others--call the police if this happens again. Your son is going to have absolutely no respect for you if you are a pushover. Also, I agree with the others who said he is holding you hostage with the school thing. If he screws it up that is his problem. If the only reason he is doing well in school is so he can use it to manipulate you then call him on it. You cannot deal with him from a position of strength if he is holding the ace. You will also be hating yourself for letting a kid manipulate you this way. After all, it is his life he is screwing up, not yours--shouldn't be yours. You've paid your dues, you work, are a responsible adult. If he sabotages himself you still have a life to live--he is the one who will be unhappy, not you (once you have learned to detach and not let your happiness depend on how he is feeling).</p><p></p><p>I too smoked pot and drank as a high school student. The difference is I would never have shoved it in my parents' faces and I would not have threatened to sabotage my education. I had my own internal boundaries and was interested in finishing high school and going on to college. These were my own goals, things I wanted for myself, not because my parents wanted them. I hung around with a variety of kids--some had no interest in college, some did. I knew what I wanted, they had no influence over that aspect of my life. </p><p></p><p>Good luck, thanks for listening to all of us!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 38887, member: 3450"] Hi Mikey, from my point of view the fact that your son is blatantly defying you (i.e., cooking pot when he knew you would be coming home) means that you have to step up and be the dad and put a stop to it. I agree with the others--call the police if this happens again. Your son is going to have absolutely no respect for you if you are a pushover. Also, I agree with the others who said he is holding you hostage with the school thing. If he screws it up that is his problem. If the only reason he is doing well in school is so he can use it to manipulate you then call him on it. You cannot deal with him from a position of strength if he is holding the ace. You will also be hating yourself for letting a kid manipulate you this way. After all, it is his life he is screwing up, not yours--shouldn't be yours. You've paid your dues, you work, are a responsible adult. If he sabotages himself you still have a life to live--he is the one who will be unhappy, not you (once you have learned to detach and not let your happiness depend on how he is feeling). I too smoked pot and drank as a high school student. The difference is I would never have shoved it in my parents' faces and I would not have threatened to sabotage my education. I had my own internal boundaries and was interested in finishing high school and going on to college. These were my own goals, things I wanted for myself, not because my parents wanted them. I hung around with a variety of kids--some had no interest in college, some did. I knew what I wanted, they had no influence over that aspect of my life. Good luck, thanks for listening to all of us! Jane [/QUOTE]
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