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Oh not Friday not another week-end...
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 222139" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I really like Nancy's description of repsonses- "think of it like a brainstorming session". That's the way I try to view posts on threads I start and even if/when I post back and say "we tried that- it didn't work" or "I think that won't work because XYZ", it's still a discussion among parents who each have some experience with kids who can be difficult to parent and we are all parents who want to help, support, and encourage each other.</p><p></p><p>I guess maybe we forget sometimes that when a person is new to the board, it is hard to jump to that comfort level quickly sometimes. I was desparate when I first came here, but I did "lurk" and not join or post for several days- I checked out others' join dates and could see that some had been here for years. I read about various problems people were having so I didn't think I or my son would be judged, at least not blamed, like many in society would treat us.</p><p></p><p>My point is that I honestly think there might be a valid reason why you think not letting your son do something, even at 17 yo, is really the best decision. But, we don't know what that reason is if we have no details of anything. For instance- it drives me nuts when my son's probation officer says to my son that I am being over-protective for not letting him do more, like have a cell phone. Well, she doesn't know that my son is one who could be half way cross town and call me and tell me he's 3 blocks away at a friend's house. She doesn't know that my son goes to any length to get a hold of any cell phone I bring in this house and makes calls to 900 numbers on it. She doesn't know the other people he tries to call on it- when it's in the middle of the night, etc. I have every reason to make that decision.</p><p></p><p>But, keep in mind, we aren't here to judge or have authority over you like the PO does in our lives. We are here as friends, so we don't really know how to begin if we don't know any of your reasons or background or his diagnosis or medications, etc. And that info can make all the difference in the world. </p><p></p><p>Now there are times someone might say you, or me, or someone else needs to think about loosening the reigns a little on the kid or "maybe try this instead of that". They do it with me, thank God, because when I'm doing something that isn't working and my son is going through the house punching holes in walls or whatever and someone gets on here and says "try this" and I do and he calms down-- I am Happy!! And I am grateful!! Even though I wish I had thought of it myself and tried it sooner, the main thing is, I have another method to try when we have this problem.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest stepping back and thinking about your objectives in regards to your teenager- I doubt you really are just looking to win a battle of wills. Then, lurk or think about it or just aske simple questions here until you decide if you want to reveal a little more about the situation so we can be informed enough to give an opinion. Sorry- that's a lot more than my share, I'm sure LOL!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 222139, member: 3699"] I really like Nancy's description of repsonses- "think of it like a brainstorming session". That's the way I try to view posts on threads I start and even if/when I post back and say "we tried that- it didn't work" or "I think that won't work because XYZ", it's still a discussion among parents who each have some experience with kids who can be difficult to parent and we are all parents who want to help, support, and encourage each other. I guess maybe we forget sometimes that when a person is new to the board, it is hard to jump to that comfort level quickly sometimes. I was desparate when I first came here, but I did "lurk" and not join or post for several days- I checked out others' join dates and could see that some had been here for years. I read about various problems people were having so I didn't think I or my son would be judged, at least not blamed, like many in society would treat us. My point is that I honestly think there might be a valid reason why you think not letting your son do something, even at 17 yo, is really the best decision. But, we don't know what that reason is if we have no details of anything. For instance- it drives me nuts when my son's probation officer says to my son that I am being over-protective for not letting him do more, like have a cell phone. Well, she doesn't know that my son is one who could be half way cross town and call me and tell me he's 3 blocks away at a friend's house. She doesn't know that my son goes to any length to get a hold of any cell phone I bring in this house and makes calls to 900 numbers on it. She doesn't know the other people he tries to call on it- when it's in the middle of the night, etc. I have every reason to make that decision. But, keep in mind, we aren't here to judge or have authority over you like the PO does in our lives. We are here as friends, so we don't really know how to begin if we don't know any of your reasons or background or his diagnosis or medications, etc. And that info can make all the difference in the world. Now there are times someone might say you, or me, or someone else needs to think about loosening the reigns a little on the kid or "maybe try this instead of that". They do it with me, thank God, because when I'm doing something that isn't working and my son is going through the house punching holes in walls or whatever and someone gets on here and says "try this" and I do and he calms down-- I am Happy!! And I am grateful!! Even though I wish I had thought of it myself and tried it sooner, the main thing is, I have another method to try when we have this problem. I would suggest stepping back and thinking about your objectives in regards to your teenager- I doubt you really are just looking to win a battle of wills. Then, lurk or think about it or just aske simple questions here until you decide if you want to reveal a little more about the situation so we can be informed enough to give an opinion. Sorry- that's a lot more than my share, I'm sure LOL!! [/QUOTE]
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