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Oh that gym class
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 427691" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi Confused - thanks for your reply. In general (I think!), my son seems to be better behaved with me if I take a collaborative approach, better behaved with others in other settings if they take a "firm, rules-based approach"... Go figure, as you say... As for J's (adopted) dad - they see each other just in holiday settings (we live in different countries) so there is a lot of playing, toy-buying, etc. I think his dad is typical of all Moroccans of his background - very little psychologising, a lot of physical punishment to "discipline" kids. Also a lot of warmth and affection. J seems very close to his father and he listens to him far more than he does to me; they have a strong chemistry - fortunately or unfortunately, they seem quite similar... I've sometimes suspected that my ex-husband is an undiagnosed hyperactive... The thing is I just can't reproduce the "strong male authority" that J sometimes seems to respect, even if I wanted to... If I take that approach with him, which out of my own limitations I sometimes do, he does not respond well - just sets off his oppositional tendencies. Yet if he thinks someone is REALLY stronger than him, he will listen and obey. Bit like a dog in a pack or something.</p><p>Thanks for your thoughts, SRL. A lot of my reaction to what happens in the gym class is, I'm afraid, that I hate being around to watch his misbehaving antics... makes me feel embarrassed and out of control... to do with me and my incomplete acceptance that he is a difficult child... So basically I prefer dropping him off and then picking him up at the very end with the teacher telling me he has been fine!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 427691, member: 11227"] Hi Confused - thanks for your reply. In general (I think!), my son seems to be better behaved with me if I take a collaborative approach, better behaved with others in other settings if they take a "firm, rules-based approach"... Go figure, as you say... As for J's (adopted) dad - they see each other just in holiday settings (we live in different countries) so there is a lot of playing, toy-buying, etc. I think his dad is typical of all Moroccans of his background - very little psychologising, a lot of physical punishment to "discipline" kids. Also a lot of warmth and affection. J seems very close to his father and he listens to him far more than he does to me; they have a strong chemistry - fortunately or unfortunately, they seem quite similar... I've sometimes suspected that my ex-husband is an undiagnosed hyperactive... The thing is I just can't reproduce the "strong male authority" that J sometimes seems to respect, even if I wanted to... If I take that approach with him, which out of my own limitations I sometimes do, he does not respond well - just sets off his oppositional tendencies. Yet if he thinks someone is REALLY stronger than him, he will listen and obey. Bit like a dog in a pack or something. Thanks for your thoughts, SRL. A lot of my reaction to what happens in the gym class is, I'm afraid, that I hate being around to watch his misbehaving antics... makes me feel embarrassed and out of control... to do with me and my incomplete acceptance that he is a difficult child... So basically I prefer dropping him off and then picking him up at the very end with the teacher telling me he has been fine!! [/QUOTE]
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