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Ok, experts. Need parenting advice on what to do with easy child's girl fight. Help?
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 199944" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Ok, I'll give you my opinion but it's looking at things from a little different angle. I think you need to talk to the parent and I'm surprised the parent hasn't already called you. This has nothing to do with easy child and the girls have no reason to be mad at her but it sounds like when at least one of them got into trouble, your easy child got blamed. </p><p></p><p>The other parents' perspective: I can only relay how I felt when my son was 12yo and he tricked people into thinking he was allowed to spend the night with another kid. My son did not come home after school and I had no idea where he was so I called school and they said he had gotten on bus to come home so I called police. The next morning, my son showed up to school- on a bus with another kid who he jhad spent the night with. He had told that Mom that he had called me. I thought it a little odd that she bought that given that it was a school night, I had never spoken to her and didn't know her son, my son showed up unexpectedly after school with no change of clothes, and just told her that he had my permission. I was appalled that she bought that story- So, I called her and had to leave a message. She called me back and said those thoughts did cross her mind around 11:00 pm that night and she had wondered if difficult child's mom "had been at home worried if he was ok or not". I was speachless- just standing there on the phone wondering "then why didn't she call me just to make sure that I knew where my son was and that he was ok". Then she said "I figured he's 12 yo". And I'm thinking "what do you expect from a 12yo".</p><p></p><p>I know- your situation is not so extreme because the parents did not expect their girls to be home at that time and they weren't left worried about their kids all night long. But, the parents are probably wondering why you gave their daughter's that much credit that they wouldn't just tell you what you wanted to hear so they could do what they wanted without verifying any of it.</p><p></p><p>I see where you are coming from, too, though. I understand that you didn't think you needed to. So, that's where the frustration lies, in my humble opinion. The parents are mad at their kids and at you- a little- but they probably are wondering if most other 12yo could be trusted more than their's. It's just that they knew their's couldn't and they expected that you knew that too.</p><p></p><p>This is a long way of getting to this: None of the frustration pertained to easy child- and the fact that the Mom hasn't called you yet does indicate a little oddness in their family. However, in my humble opinion, I think you should talk to your daughter and explain why you need to call that Mom and then call her. Let her know that you were not aware that you needed to verify what her daughter told you about getting permission and that you would appreciate it if she would talk to her daughter and explain to her that this is not easy child's fault. That's just what I would do anyway.</p><p></p><p>The friendship might be damagad by all of this but if it is, I tend to think it's because they are just being raised differently and sometimes that leaves kids without having too much in common. I think that because you mentioned that the parents had left these girls by themselves until the middle of the night. To me, that is neglect and unsafe at that age. So, the dynamics in their household are probably a lot different than in yours. (And no, it is nowhere close to logical that they would leave them until 3:00 am but get mad at you for this, but people are not always logical.)</p><p></p><p>After all- you are planning for a homecoming!! (I love the way you mentioned that difficult child wanted to come home to go to his girlfriend's house!!)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 199944, member: 3699"] Ok, I'll give you my opinion but it's looking at things from a little different angle. I think you need to talk to the parent and I'm surprised the parent hasn't already called you. This has nothing to do with easy child and the girls have no reason to be mad at her but it sounds like when at least one of them got into trouble, your easy child got blamed. The other parents' perspective: I can only relay how I felt when my son was 12yo and he tricked people into thinking he was allowed to spend the night with another kid. My son did not come home after school and I had no idea where he was so I called school and they said he had gotten on bus to come home so I called police. The next morning, my son showed up to school- on a bus with another kid who he jhad spent the night with. He had told that Mom that he had called me. I thought it a little odd that she bought that given that it was a school night, I had never spoken to her and didn't know her son, my son showed up unexpectedly after school with no change of clothes, and just told her that he had my permission. I was appalled that she bought that story- So, I called her and had to leave a message. She called me back and said those thoughts did cross her mind around 11:00 pm that night and she had wondered if difficult child's mom "had been at home worried if he was ok or not". I was speachless- just standing there on the phone wondering "then why didn't she call me just to make sure that I knew where my son was and that he was ok". Then she said "I figured he's 12 yo". And I'm thinking "what do you expect from a 12yo". I know- your situation is not so extreme because the parents did not expect their girls to be home at that time and they weren't left worried about their kids all night long. But, the parents are probably wondering why you gave their daughter's that much credit that they wouldn't just tell you what you wanted to hear so they could do what they wanted without verifying any of it. I see where you are coming from, too, though. I understand that you didn't think you needed to. So, that's where the frustration lies, in my humble opinion. The parents are mad at their kids and at you- a little- but they probably are wondering if most other 12yo could be trusted more than their's. It's just that they knew their's couldn't and they expected that you knew that too. This is a long way of getting to this: None of the frustration pertained to easy child- and the fact that the Mom hasn't called you yet does indicate a little oddness in their family. However, in my humble opinion, I think you should talk to your daughter and explain why you need to call that Mom and then call her. Let her know that you were not aware that you needed to verify what her daughter told you about getting permission and that you would appreciate it if she would talk to her daughter and explain to her that this is not easy child's fault. That's just what I would do anyway. The friendship might be damagad by all of this but if it is, I tend to think it's because they are just being raised differently and sometimes that leaves kids without having too much in common. I think that because you mentioned that the parents had left these girls by themselves until the middle of the night. To me, that is neglect and unsafe at that age. So, the dynamics in their household are probably a lot different than in yours. (And no, it is nowhere close to logical that they would leave them until 3:00 am but get mad at you for this, but people are not always logical.) After all- you are planning for a homecoming!! (I love the way you mentioned that difficult child wanted to come home to go to his girlfriend's house!!) [/QUOTE]
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Ok, experts. Need parenting advice on what to do with easy child's girl fight. Help?
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