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ok girls I need some pepp talk
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 86082" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Think about this situation: </p><p></p><p>When the US Coast guard goes out on a mission to rescue people who are potentially drowning they have one thing in mind - save whomever they "can". </p><p></p><p>When they arrive at the site of a disabled vessel they will have a diver jump into the water to prepare the people for rescue. They are there to help. If you do not listen to their instructions you put their crew in jeopardy and they will leave you for last and you have a potential of drowning. Drowning causes loss of life without recussitation. </p><p></p><p>If there was a person who did not listen to the rescue instructions and was left below in the water and there is no more time/fuel to rescue a victim they will - if there is not, they count the mission for whom they were able to rescue and go back to base. No one from the helicopter is saying "Yes, jeopardize us ALL the whole crew, please go try again to get the person that wouldn't listen - we'll all take a chance of dying. The person who did not listen is lost at sea. Sometimes they can go back and get that person with a new mission but it depends on what mission control says. </p><p></p><p>Your marriage was the boat. You and your children are the people that are saved. Your husband is the person that would not listen. (However in his chance he has a chance to be saved if he listens to what the hospital tells him to do, attends counsling and understands that he the potential to save himself)</p><p>Your sister in law is the person in the helicopter saying "Yes, jeopardize all that were rescued, all the crew that is here trying to save people for one person who won't listen) </p><p></p><p>There is something wrong and enabling with asking you to jeopardize your family and yourself for his sake once again. </p><p></p><p>Better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health does NOT MEAN: ALL WORSE, ALL POORER and ALL SICKNESS = you MUST STAY. Don't take my word for it, call a minister and ask him. </p><p></p><p>As far as your sister in law. When she calls again cut her off short and say "LOOK, I need to say this and I'm only going to say it once. I love XX - but love does NOT mean dragging me and the kids down - IF he loved us, he would do what is being asked of him for his road to recovery - so far to my knowledge he's still wallowing in self pity which is NOT going to help him. I left him pictures in frames, I cleaned the house before I left and I made sure there were groceries for him to have food - I have taken Pictures of it all so that if someone says again I have not - I can prove it, and as far as him committing suicide? I'm very sorry for that, but I can't do a single thing about it. My going for a visit to a man who is suicidal is like putting a bandaid on open heart surgery. If XX is EVER to get well, we have to let him go, and find himself without our crutches. I love him enough to see if he's going to be a man and stand on his own. Going to see him is not support, it's a quick fix, just like the drugs were." I'm not enabling him ANY MORE. So unless you have something helpful or kind to call and tell me, don't. Now I have TWO KIDS that I'm left to go take care of by myself and I need to concentrate all my energy on them and myself. You're going to have to find a way to deal with your brother without me for now. Thanks for calling. HANG UP. </p><p></p><p>SHE IS AN ENABLER. AND the only reason she is calling you is because HE is calling her and she can't deal with it either so instead of telling him the right thing (stand on your own feet, listen to the doctor, take your therapy) she's dumping him on you and giving you the YOU NEED TO (quick fix) my brother. It could just be being a sister...but she's certainly not looking out for you or the kids. She's going to have to find a way to deal with it. </p><p></p><p>Nuf sed. </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p><p></p><p>and yes, I've been through this so many times I lost count. With DF and with difficult child. difficult child was a little different the first time - he was suicidal due to medicines, the second time it was all drama and I gave him no stage.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 86082, member: 4964"] Think about this situation: When the US Coast guard goes out on a mission to rescue people who are potentially drowning they have one thing in mind - save whomever they "can". When they arrive at the site of a disabled vessel they will have a diver jump into the water to prepare the people for rescue. They are there to help. If you do not listen to their instructions you put their crew in jeopardy and they will leave you for last and you have a potential of drowning. Drowning causes loss of life without recussitation. If there was a person who did not listen to the rescue instructions and was left below in the water and there is no more time/fuel to rescue a victim they will - if there is not, they count the mission for whom they were able to rescue and go back to base. No one from the helicopter is saying "Yes, jeopardize us ALL the whole crew, please go try again to get the person that wouldn't listen - we'll all take a chance of dying. The person who did not listen is lost at sea. Sometimes they can go back and get that person with a new mission but it depends on what mission control says. Your marriage was the boat. You and your children are the people that are saved. Your husband is the person that would not listen. (However in his chance he has a chance to be saved if he listens to what the hospital tells him to do, attends counsling and understands that he the potential to save himself) Your sister in law is the person in the helicopter saying "Yes, jeopardize all that were rescued, all the crew that is here trying to save people for one person who won't listen) There is something wrong and enabling with asking you to jeopardize your family and yourself for his sake once again. Better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health does NOT MEAN: ALL WORSE, ALL POORER and ALL SICKNESS = you MUST STAY. Don't take my word for it, call a minister and ask him. As far as your sister in law. When she calls again cut her off short and say "LOOK, I need to say this and I'm only going to say it once. I love XX - but love does NOT mean dragging me and the kids down - IF he loved us, he would do what is being asked of him for his road to recovery - so far to my knowledge he's still wallowing in self pity which is NOT going to help him. I left him pictures in frames, I cleaned the house before I left and I made sure there were groceries for him to have food - I have taken Pictures of it all so that if someone says again I have not - I can prove it, and as far as him committing suicide? I'm very sorry for that, but I can't do a single thing about it. My going for a visit to a man who is suicidal is like putting a bandaid on open heart surgery. If XX is EVER to get well, we have to let him go, and find himself without our crutches. I love him enough to see if he's going to be a man and stand on his own. Going to see him is not support, it's a quick fix, just like the drugs were." I'm not enabling him ANY MORE. So unless you have something helpful or kind to call and tell me, don't. Now I have TWO KIDS that I'm left to go take care of by myself and I need to concentrate all my energy on them and myself. You're going to have to find a way to deal with your brother without me for now. Thanks for calling. HANG UP. SHE IS AN ENABLER. AND the only reason she is calling you is because HE is calling her and she can't deal with it either so instead of telling him the right thing (stand on your own feet, listen to the doctor, take your therapy) she's dumping him on you and giving you the YOU NEED TO (quick fix) my brother. It could just be being a sister...but she's certainly not looking out for you or the kids. She's going to have to find a way to deal with it. Nuf sed. Hugs Star and yes, I've been through this so many times I lost count. With DF and with difficult child. difficult child was a little different the first time - he was suicidal due to medicines, the second time it was all drama and I gave him no stage. [/QUOTE]
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