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ok girls I need some pepp talk
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 87101" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>ahhhhh I need a puppy or a guinea pig. No you don't. You don't need something ELSE to take care of, or love you unconditionally. </p><p></p><p>You need to figure out that YOU are the most important person in the world. You need to find out where you left your self confidence, your love for yourself, and where you were when you decided it was okay to be treated less than you deserve. A guinea pig or a puppy is not going to fill that need. Finding yourself and improving on your life will. Making sure that you aren't attracted to a person for the wrong reasons and repeat the same mistake you did in choosing your first mate is more important now than almost anything. Someone told me after my separation that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time ie: picking the same kind or sorts of men and hoping they turn out to be different. Not gonna happen. </p><p></p><p>I went and have been to alanon, narcanon, aa, (all for x) and narcanon was about the best, but it was in essence a room full of former cocaine users trying to get clean (admirable to say the least) but I didn't want to take a chance that I would meet someone and feel "sorry" or "fall" for them and have the same thing happen over and over in my life or my kids' life. I chose to get sliding scale fee counseling and went once a week. I didn't have a drug problem - he did. I had an enabling problem because I was naive. Life has given me quite an education. </p><p></p><p>I hope you take all this cyber-advice to heart. I'm not preaching or trying to tell you what to do. I guess it's just when you've been there yourself and see someone you know falling into the same pitfalls..you don't want them to so you bark or yell or type out a message on a board so that they see and hear you. </p><p></p><p>YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY and if you don't know HOW....find out! Educate yourself. When I finally did meet my df (oh thats a good story too) I walked a wide path around him. Long hair, tattoos, biker. But what made him different was that I was DONE with macho self-serving men. My attitude reflected that and come to find out he was really a nice, decent, honest man. He is my soul mate if there ever was to be one. And the thing that got me despite the hair and ink? He said I was the first woman he ever met with a sexy mind. (HA me...with a mind at all was a new one)</p><p></p><p>He said that my no -BS attitude was refreshing and enjoyable. It also told him I wasn't putting up with CRUD in my life and drew the line about how I would and wouldn't be talked to. That led to me having less stress in my life because now I was being treated like I should have been being treated all along. And that led to my self-confidence level rising, my attitude and appearance improving, getting a better job, being able to deal with my kid (mostly) and lots of doors opened. </p><p></p><p>I took a leap of faith, got my son, got some of my possessions and left my x in a van he gave me (stolen) and lived in that van with my son in a town where no one knew me and no money, no home and little to no possessions. Today I own a home, I'm rich in spirit but still poor in pocket, but I'm happy and I dont' spend my days yelling or getting yelled at or being put down. Now I'm put on a pedestal. I deserved it. YOU DESERVE THE SAME. </p><p></p><p>So for now, forget about the pup and the piggy and take care of yourself. Don't find the time.....MAKE THE TIME TO TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. YOU are the only one who can do this and make it happen and if you start today....you're a day farther along than you were. Find a counselor that will let you bring the kids and lock his door for an hour while you unload and figure out you. Ask your parents to do it for you and leave for an hour. IF YOU DON'T TAKE THE TIME TO IMPROVE YOURSELF WHY in the WORLD should anyone else think more highly of you and treat you the same? </p><p></p><p>YOU HAVE CHARISMA........FIND IT! YOU ARE WORTH IT...your kids are worth you being the best MOM you can be aren't they? What's stopping you? </p><p></p><p>Nothing, but your excuses. </p><p></p><p>I know you can make it - I'm here and everyone else is here rootin' for you! </p><p></p><p>Goooooooooooooooo GIRL!!!!! </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p><p>the long winded</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 87101, member: 4964"] ahhhhh I need a puppy or a guinea pig. No you don't. You don't need something ELSE to take care of, or love you unconditionally. You need to figure out that YOU are the most important person in the world. You need to find out where you left your self confidence, your love for yourself, and where you were when you decided it was okay to be treated less than you deserve. A guinea pig or a puppy is not going to fill that need. Finding yourself and improving on your life will. Making sure that you aren't attracted to a person for the wrong reasons and repeat the same mistake you did in choosing your first mate is more important now than almost anything. Someone told me after my separation that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time ie: picking the same kind or sorts of men and hoping they turn out to be different. Not gonna happen. I went and have been to alanon, narcanon, aa, (all for x) and narcanon was about the best, but it was in essence a room full of former cocaine users trying to get clean (admirable to say the least) but I didn't want to take a chance that I would meet someone and feel "sorry" or "fall" for them and have the same thing happen over and over in my life or my kids' life. I chose to get sliding scale fee counseling and went once a week. I didn't have a drug problem - he did. I had an enabling problem because I was naive. Life has given me quite an education. I hope you take all this cyber-advice to heart. I'm not preaching or trying to tell you what to do. I guess it's just when you've been there yourself and see someone you know falling into the same pitfalls..you don't want them to so you bark or yell or type out a message on a board so that they see and hear you. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY and if you don't know HOW....find out! Educate yourself. When I finally did meet my df (oh thats a good story too) I walked a wide path around him. Long hair, tattoos, biker. But what made him different was that I was DONE with macho self-serving men. My attitude reflected that and come to find out he was really a nice, decent, honest man. He is my soul mate if there ever was to be one. And the thing that got me despite the hair and ink? He said I was the first woman he ever met with a sexy mind. (HA me...with a mind at all was a new one) He said that my no -BS attitude was refreshing and enjoyable. It also told him I wasn't putting up with CRUD in my life and drew the line about how I would and wouldn't be talked to. That led to me having less stress in my life because now I was being treated like I should have been being treated all along. And that led to my self-confidence level rising, my attitude and appearance improving, getting a better job, being able to deal with my kid (mostly) and lots of doors opened. I took a leap of faith, got my son, got some of my possessions and left my x in a van he gave me (stolen) and lived in that van with my son in a town where no one knew me and no money, no home and little to no possessions. Today I own a home, I'm rich in spirit but still poor in pocket, but I'm happy and I dont' spend my days yelling or getting yelled at or being put down. Now I'm put on a pedestal. I deserved it. YOU DESERVE THE SAME. So for now, forget about the pup and the piggy and take care of yourself. Don't find the time.....MAKE THE TIME TO TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. YOU are the only one who can do this and make it happen and if you start today....you're a day farther along than you were. Find a counselor that will let you bring the kids and lock his door for an hour while you unload and figure out you. Ask your parents to do it for you and leave for an hour. IF YOU DON'T TAKE THE TIME TO IMPROVE YOURSELF WHY in the WORLD should anyone else think more highly of you and treat you the same? YOU HAVE CHARISMA........FIND IT! YOU ARE WORTH IT...your kids are worth you being the best MOM you can be aren't they? What's stopping you? Nothing, but your excuses. I know you can make it - I'm here and everyone else is here rootin' for you! Goooooooooooooooo GIRL!!!!! Hugs & Love Star the long winded [/QUOTE]
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