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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 411877" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Star and Marg are totally right. He is old enough and has more than enough tools to handle this. If you change your plans or step in and make changes for him then you are setting him up to expect you to handle this stuff for the rest of his life. It will be what he expects.</p><p> </p><p>In this situation, he needs to work to support YOU. This is a hugely traumatic time for you and it is high time for Matt to start seeing Steely the woman, the person, rather than just seeing Matt's Mom. He is trying to drag your focus back to him because he perceives that you are distracted.</p><p> </p><p>REMAIN distracted. Your top priority and your focus should be on your parents and yourself. This is when family bands together and supports each other - not when each member acts like a spoiled brat if they are not the center of attention. DO NOT let him interfere with your plans to spend this time with your father and mother. </p><p> </p><p>When my gpa died we could not afford to all go to the funeral. Gpa had asked bro and I to remember him the way he was when we visited him and NOT the way he would be at a funeral. Specifically asked us to not attend his funeral so we wouldn't see him that way. I was willing to travel to the town where the funeral was, but would not attend the funeral. Bro carried on like he was the only one who loved gpa, and insisted on going. He and my mom flew to the funeral. If we all went we were going to have to drive and my parents decided that dad and I would stay home. The ENTIRE trip gfgbro acted like a difficult child. Right up to being very late to several things and almost missing the funeral because he was out playing with the cows. They stayed with a family friend who had a farm and gfgbro refused to do anything to support my mom or Gma or to mkae anything easier on them. It was the first time many of these elderly family friends ever met gfgbro and they were all upset by his lack of respect, which deeply shamed my mother.</p><p> </p><p>It took my mother YEARS to forgive gfgbro for this. It caused real problems with her ability to fully grieve for her father and a really good therapist to help her finally deal with it all.</p><p> </p><p>Don't let Matt's behavior steal this time with your father. Let him know you have every confidence in his ability to handle himself while you are caring for your parents during these last days. </p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry he is showing his gfgness. I hope he is past that point and that he is supportive of you and your parents as you all celebrate your father's life and grieve his passing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 411877, member: 1233"] Star and Marg are totally right. He is old enough and has more than enough tools to handle this. If you change your plans or step in and make changes for him then you are setting him up to expect you to handle this stuff for the rest of his life. It will be what he expects. In this situation, he needs to work to support YOU. This is a hugely traumatic time for you and it is high time for Matt to start seeing Steely the woman, the person, rather than just seeing Matt's Mom. He is trying to drag your focus back to him because he perceives that you are distracted. REMAIN distracted. Your top priority and your focus should be on your parents and yourself. This is when family bands together and supports each other - not when each member acts like a spoiled brat if they are not the center of attention. DO NOT let him interfere with your plans to spend this time with your father and mother. When my gpa died we could not afford to all go to the funeral. Gpa had asked bro and I to remember him the way he was when we visited him and NOT the way he would be at a funeral. Specifically asked us to not attend his funeral so we wouldn't see him that way. I was willing to travel to the town where the funeral was, but would not attend the funeral. Bro carried on like he was the only one who loved gpa, and insisted on going. He and my mom flew to the funeral. If we all went we were going to have to drive and my parents decided that dad and I would stay home. The ENTIRE trip gfgbro acted like a difficult child. Right up to being very late to several things and almost missing the funeral because he was out playing with the cows. They stayed with a family friend who had a farm and gfgbro refused to do anything to support my mom or Gma or to mkae anything easier on them. It was the first time many of these elderly family friends ever met gfgbro and they were all upset by his lack of respect, which deeply shamed my mother. It took my mother YEARS to forgive gfgbro for this. It caused real problems with her ability to fully grieve for her father and a really good therapist to help her finally deal with it all. Don't let Matt's behavior steal this time with your father. Let him know you have every confidence in his ability to handle himself while you are caring for your parents during these last days. I am so sorry he is showing his gfgness. I hope he is past that point and that he is supportive of you and your parents as you all celebrate your father's life and grieve his passing. [/QUOTE]
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