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Ok, so how do you handle this? Fantasy-to-fact in one quick second
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 345210" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Yep.</p><p></p><p>And I get you on, "If we give way at all, we're stuck with him expecting we will always give way."</p><p></p><p>Let me tell you - you're stuck with it anyway.</p><p></p><p>What you need to do, is use "Explosive Child" methods to handle tis. You manage it, you dont meet it with the same opposition he uses. Instead, you use negotiation because this teaches him negotiation and also teaches him that straight-out obstinacy is not the way.</p><p></p><p>I agree with you, dad should have not been so rigid to begin with. But he was, and he has to follow through. So Dad could say, "What I said, I have to follow through with or you won't learn. We did everything we said. We do not lie to you. But if you can try to calm yourself, maybe next time I will make time to sit and watch TV with you. You need to listen to your time warnings, do your best to stay calm, and then if you are still calm, we will be able to watch TV together. Next time."</p><p></p><p>What are your reasons for him not watching TV with Dad? If it's because TV watching gets him a bit more mentally hyped up, then tell him. Also tell him that your aim, and Dad's aim, is to help him calm himself down before bedtime. He needs to be able to demonstrate that watching TV with Dad will be a good thing and not a bad thing.</p><p></p><p>Some flexibility from you as parents is good, if difficult child can then learn to be flexible. But you know your son, you know how likely he is to use flexibility as leverage. You need to learn how to reason with him and to STAY CALM even when he is raging. Accept that a lot of the raging is frustration, and not him being rude. Do your utmost to not react, keep in your thoughts your ultimate aim - to teach him to cope.</p><p></p><p>THis is not easy. It's about the most difficult part of parenting kids like this. But if you can achieve this, it is worth it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 345210, member: 1991"] Yep. And I get you on, "If we give way at all, we're stuck with him expecting we will always give way." Let me tell you - you're stuck with it anyway. What you need to do, is use "Explosive Child" methods to handle tis. You manage it, you dont meet it with the same opposition he uses. Instead, you use negotiation because this teaches him negotiation and also teaches him that straight-out obstinacy is not the way. I agree with you, dad should have not been so rigid to begin with. But he was, and he has to follow through. So Dad could say, "What I said, I have to follow through with or you won't learn. We did everything we said. We do not lie to you. But if you can try to calm yourself, maybe next time I will make time to sit and watch TV with you. You need to listen to your time warnings, do your best to stay calm, and then if you are still calm, we will be able to watch TV together. Next time." What are your reasons for him not watching TV with Dad? If it's because TV watching gets him a bit more mentally hyped up, then tell him. Also tell him that your aim, and Dad's aim, is to help him calm himself down before bedtime. He needs to be able to demonstrate that watching TV with Dad will be a good thing and not a bad thing. Some flexibility from you as parents is good, if difficult child can then learn to be flexible. But you know your son, you know how likely he is to use flexibility as leverage. You need to learn how to reason with him and to STAY CALM even when he is raging. Accept that a lot of the raging is frustration, and not him being rude. Do your utmost to not react, keep in your thoughts your ultimate aim - to teach him to cope. THis is not easy. It's about the most difficult part of parenting kids like this. But if you can achieve this, it is worth it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Ok, so how do you handle this? Fantasy-to-fact in one quick second
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