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OK you PE-ers... need help with- balance
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<blockquote data-quote="WhereIsTheLight" data-source="post: 37660" data-attributes="member: 3673"><p>My daughter also went through Korn and Limp Bizkit and I gritted my teeth for about a year. She had pants with 50-inch legs. She doesn't wear underwear. She had a sweater she didn't take off for two years. She's shaved her head so much she got a barber's kit for Christmas. She used to walk around with a tampon cardboard in her ear lobe to keep it stretched. Okay, as long as she wasn't with me in public. Then it came out. She pierced the space between her bottom lip and her chin. She's been blue, purple, pink and orange. And I bought her the dye.</p><p></p><p>She finally started wearing women's jeans about a year ago - still slung low on her hips (but she won't wear low-risers), so I tell her that her six-inch <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> crack is quite impressive today...by Norge Repairman standards, it's definitely a Master Crack. Currently, she's into sweater vests and hats. She has a couple of men's blazers she's sewn flags and picture on the backs. She just threw out a pair of men's dress shoes. She doesn't believe in deodorant or shampoo. She has Sharpied a mustache and beard to her face and gone out in public that way several times. Last summer, it was a thin white tank top with "DYKE" Sharpied across her chest (black bra, of course, when she wore one). She wears a bright red nylon skirt with white polka dots and taffeta and thermal underwear. For two years, she kept her hair shaved to about an inch except for tendrils on the sides. I used to think she was a lost extra from the cast of Fiddler on the Roof. She broke her jaw three weeks ago while on her bike and she was drunk, although she's not much of a drinker, and I hope she's learned the lesson. She is currently on a two-week vow of silence. Her favorite pair of pants came from the Salvation Army. They are mens dress pants, navy blue with white pin stripes. These pants are shredded and sewn with dental floss, patched and stained and look like they've been pulled off a body in the Cass Corridor. She wears them still in public. But not with me. I will not be seen with her like that. And she will not get whatever is she wants from me at the moment.</p><p></p><p>So, she knows there is appropriate clothing for appropriate occassions. So much so, when a friend hers died (ODed on wormwood, the toxin in absinthe, which is illegal in the US. It can be ordered on the internet, which has become a way for kids to find legal stuff to get them high), at the funeral she was appalled at the young girls that showed up in belly shirts that exposed bras and navels. For her cousin's wedding, I let her pick out the dress (black, of course), which didn't make her cousin happy, but who had pointed out that so many others were wearing black anyway. The dress was lacy and long, and she wore nylons and heels and let me do her make up. I let her spike her hair. My gender-bending, hellaciously groomed daughter was a supermodel! I went out of my way to make sure she was appropriately dressed AND comfortable. And even though she probably felt like she was in Hallween costume that night, she enjoyed the compliments and had a great time, despite the women's clothes and the tether (that's another story).</p><p></p><p>[Just goes to show how much we endure...when showed up to that wedding, seeing family we hadn't seen in years, difficult child was on a tether, easy child had just lost her two front teeth at softball practice -- "you're supposed to CATCH the ball, not EAT it, dear..." -- and my Jeep had the back window punched out of it by DEX and was being held together with plastic sheeting. It was a thick mother in law and crystal clear...hey, I had to keep up appearances for the wedding! Oh, if I could have only shown up seven months pregnant by a parolee...the picture would have been complete. I swear you could hear banjo picking when we showed up.]</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, she seems to be finding a style that she's comfortable with, a little more masculine than Annie Hall (her oral surgeon says "Irish dock boy" and nodded and said he liked it), and she is showering more often now. And she listens to everything from <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> and Animal (hate 'em!) to the Bealtes (I'm going to marry Paul McCartney when I grow up) to bluegrass to Beethoven to whale calls. There are still times I tell her to turn it down, but I never tell her to turn it off. Just keep it at a non-offensive, talking level and I'm okay.</p><p></p><p>By the way, Limp Bizkit and Korn sold out. They so suck now...</p><p></p><p>I've always let this kid express herself and I gotta tell you, it's one of the biggest source of my resentment. How can I be so critical, controlling and crazy if I've turn my eye from this mess? Can't she see how supportive I've been? GRRRRR! &gt;<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>It looks like the appearance thing is going to resolve itself in time. Expose your son to all sorts of music. Point out what you like in songs. My daughter, an atheist, appreciates the jamming in Handel's Messiah...she hears the rock 'n' roll in Gospel and she appreciates musicality all across the board now. She thought what I was listening to (classic rock) sucked until she started listening to the bass and the drums and the pianos and the rhythms. Maybe he could use music lessons to appreciate more stuff. My daughter had guitar lessons and goes to drum circles. It so much easier to listen to her music now that she appreciates more than just "Break Stuff".</p><p></p><p>This is the one area I really let go of and feel so much better for doing so. She's gotten looks in public that angers and saddens me, and she's gotten complete and total acceptance, too. I was always afraid if I stifled her gender-bender appearance, that ultimately, more damage would be done. Even if I was trying to shield her from the stares, ultimately it is a part of her personality, of her being and essence, and I cannot, nor do I have the right, to interfere with that as long as it is not inappropriate to the function. Just walking around and hanging out and going to school wasn't the battleground. Funerals and weddings and court (sigh) is a different story and she knows it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WhereIsTheLight, post: 37660, member: 3673"] My daughter also went through Korn and Limp Bizkit and I gritted my teeth for about a year. She had pants with 50-inch legs. She doesn't wear underwear. She had a sweater she didn't take off for two years. She's shaved her head so much she got a barber's kit for Christmas. She used to walk around with a tampon cardboard in her ear lobe to keep it stretched. Okay, as long as she wasn't with me in public. Then it came out. She pierced the space between her bottom lip and her chin. She's been blue, purple, pink and orange. And I bought her the dye. She finally started wearing women's jeans about a year ago - still slung low on her hips (but she won't wear low-risers), so I tell her that her six-inch :censored: crack is quite impressive today...by Norge Repairman standards, it's definitely a Master Crack. Currently, she's into sweater vests and hats. She has a couple of men's blazers she's sewn flags and picture on the backs. She just threw out a pair of men's dress shoes. She doesn't believe in deodorant or shampoo. She has Sharpied a mustache and beard to her face and gone out in public that way several times. Last summer, it was a thin white tank top with "DYKE" Sharpied across her chest (black bra, of course, when she wore one). She wears a bright red nylon skirt with white polka dots and taffeta and thermal underwear. For two years, she kept her hair shaved to about an inch except for tendrils on the sides. I used to think she was a lost extra from the cast of Fiddler on the Roof. She broke her jaw three weeks ago while on her bike and she was drunk, although she's not much of a drinker, and I hope she's learned the lesson. She is currently on a two-week vow of silence. Her favorite pair of pants came from the Salvation Army. They are mens dress pants, navy blue with white pin stripes. These pants are shredded and sewn with dental floss, patched and stained and look like they've been pulled off a body in the Cass Corridor. She wears them still in public. But not with me. I will not be seen with her like that. And she will not get whatever is she wants from me at the moment. So, she knows there is appropriate clothing for appropriate occassions. So much so, when a friend hers died (ODed on wormwood, the toxin in absinthe, which is illegal in the US. It can be ordered on the internet, which has become a way for kids to find legal stuff to get them high), at the funeral she was appalled at the young girls that showed up in belly shirts that exposed bras and navels. For her cousin's wedding, I let her pick out the dress (black, of course), which didn't make her cousin happy, but who had pointed out that so many others were wearing black anyway. The dress was lacy and long, and she wore nylons and heels and let me do her make up. I let her spike her hair. My gender-bending, hellaciously groomed daughter was a supermodel! I went out of my way to make sure she was appropriately dressed AND comfortable. And even though she probably felt like she was in Hallween costume that night, she enjoyed the compliments and had a great time, despite the women's clothes and the tether (that's another story). [Just goes to show how much we endure...when showed up to that wedding, seeing family we hadn't seen in years, difficult child was on a tether, easy child had just lost her two front teeth at softball practice -- "you're supposed to CATCH the ball, not EAT it, dear..." -- and my Jeep had the back window punched out of it by DEX and was being held together with plastic sheeting. It was a thick mother in law and crystal clear...hey, I had to keep up appearances for the wedding! Oh, if I could have only shown up seven months pregnant by a parolee...the picture would have been complete. I swear you could hear banjo picking when we showed up.] Anyhow, she seems to be finding a style that she's comfortable with, a little more masculine than Annie Hall (her oral surgeon says "Irish dock boy" and nodded and said he liked it), and she is showering more often now. And she listens to everything from :censored: and Animal (hate 'em!) to the Bealtes (I'm going to marry Paul McCartney when I grow up) to bluegrass to Beethoven to whale calls. There are still times I tell her to turn it down, but I never tell her to turn it off. Just keep it at a non-offensive, talking level and I'm okay. By the way, Limp Bizkit and Korn sold out. They so suck now... I've always let this kid express herself and I gotta tell you, it's one of the biggest source of my resentment. How can I be so critical, controlling and crazy if I've turn my eye from this mess? Can't she see how supportive I've been? GRRRRR! >:( It looks like the appearance thing is going to resolve itself in time. Expose your son to all sorts of music. Point out what you like in songs. My daughter, an atheist, appreciates the jamming in Handel's Messiah...she hears the rock 'n' roll in Gospel and she appreciates musicality all across the board now. She thought what I was listening to (classic rock) sucked until she started listening to the bass and the drums and the pianos and the rhythms. Maybe he could use music lessons to appreciate more stuff. My daughter had guitar lessons and goes to drum circles. It so much easier to listen to her music now that she appreciates more than just "Break Stuff". This is the one area I really let go of and feel so much better for doing so. She's gotten looks in public that angers and saddens me, and she's gotten complete and total acceptance, too. I was always afraid if I stifled her gender-bender appearance, that ultimately, more damage would be done. Even if I was trying to shield her from the stares, ultimately it is a part of her personality, of her being and essence, and I cannot, nor do I have the right, to interfere with that as long as it is not inappropriate to the function. Just walking around and hanging out and going to school wasn't the battleground. Funerals and weddings and court (sigh) is a different story and she knows it. [/QUOTE]
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