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I appreciate your responses. *I* cannot put him in day treatment or boarding school. He is not my child. What I can do is try to guide my daughter in the right direction for her child and educate her as to the severity of his problems.


We have not always had the best of relationships, so I was really surprised when she called me crying saying she can't do this anymore. What an odd position to be in because I felt very much the same when she was a child. Her personality was very much the same as her sons except for the fire setting and violence towards animals.


We have talked about her growing up years now that she is a mother. I have explained my actions and frustrations with her behaviors, but it is not something either of us dwell on. I cringe because every time she calls me to share info on my grandson, I know exactly how frustrated she feels and the desperation trying to get help or get a professional to listen and understand and really "hear" you. I can't say to her each time, oh, that is exactly how you were! I don't volunteer that statement unless she asks me. She is adopted and her bio family have a very strong genetic tendency towards this behavior. Bio mom, my daughter and now her son. Also bio mom had another daughter who ended up being even more of a difficult child (and I do know that her adoptive mom told me she did set fires and had issue's with animals) and her children inherited the trait also. Oh my goodness!


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