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OMG, can he come up with-ANYthing else to screw up or lie about?????
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 530768" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, the girl he was alone with. he lied about prents being home. What is the consequence for that? He also cheated on his girlfriend. What is the FAMILY stand on cheating on your sig other? This is NOT NOT NOT a private matter. It IS IS IS a family matter. This comes down to BASIC human values, not privacy. You NEED to send a super clear message about how it is NOT okay to cheat on his girlfriend, and he needs to TELL his girlfriend even though it will be hard. He also needs to find a way to make this up tot he FAMILY for disappointing the FAMILY (ncluding himself). Unless you want him to grow up to be a man who thinks it is just fine as long as no one knows. After all, he probably enjoyed it very much (big reward) andif it isn't a big deal to anyone, then why would he deny himself? </p><p></p><p>I KNOW all the privacy, he is growing up and learnng for himself, type koi. But he isn't. How many of th social rules did he get by 'himself' with-o you pushing and remindng etc... about a million times?? No matter how clear this is to you, it isn't going to be to him because, well, it was FUN and pleasurable and that kind of fun and pleasure just beg to be repeated. As he is a difficult child with little innate understanding (caring? comprehension? not sure which fits better here) of how others feel or why he should care you need to work to inject your values and to give him hard, firm guidelines bc it probably is the only way he will grasp it at least for now. </p><p></p><p>Next issue is the sexting. It is illegal. In some states they are sending teens to prison and/or putting them on the sex offender registry for sending pics of naed teens. Evens ending a pci of yourself to boyfriend just one time qualifies for some judges. these teens are charged with child port - having it if they receive the text, having and distributing it if they are the one who sent the sext. This is serious business. Does difficult child go to school with this girl? Wht are the school regulations regarding sexting? Can you talk to the VP or guidance counselor about setingm, school rules, etc...?</p><p></p><p>I would also call the police dept and ask about how sexting is handled? Just in case the girl's dad tries to press charges. The girl could send it to more than just difficult child and then tell her dad that difficult child did it. Then it would be up to some tech guru to figure out who sent it to whom. BUT it would be difficult to handle, and it would land difficult child with a reputation that he does NOt want. </p><p></p><p>husband needs to have some major consequences for not making double dang sure that a parent was home and not just a sister. Personally I would start by asking if he prefers Grandpa or Grandad? After all, he did just give his son a ride to a sexual liaison with a teenage female. there is every chance that the kids did not use bc properly if at all. I don't know if difficult child has gone to the doctor for some open, honest info from a guy on the long term effects of sex on his health, the mother of his chld's health (if they have a child when she is a teen)and the problems the child is likely to have. Then some open talk about birth control, never trusting that the girl is on the pill or is using a diaphragm, and STDs is in order.</p><p></p><p>Plus, he should have an exam for STDs. As thorough as possible. Incl bloodwork for things like Hepatitis, Aids, and other things. I know our pediatrician office is AMAZING if you let them know ahead of tme. Dr. S scared the livng bejeebers out of Wiz and still kept Wiz' respect! </p><p></p><p>I don't know if your husband is going to be able to do the doctor appointment with-o the 'boys will be boys' wink wink nudge nudge stuff that is sooo stupidly prevalent. So this is something that you and husband should do to gether if possible. Most docs will NOT take this lightly, esp pediatricians, because they deal wth those babies after the fun is gone and Mom is too young and tired and scared and dependent to care for the child. </p><p></p><p>This is NOT an issue I would let difficult child just muddle through. I would make sure he tripped on as many of the potential hazards as possible in the hopes that he would NEVER do this agan. Not sure it is the right way, but it is what my gut says to do. </p><p></p><p>As for the xbox money, what consequence have you been using? Is there a way that ALL purchases for xbox must be made at a store (a card to buy like for some things?) and no $$ can ever be spend via the xbox controls again? I know I have been successful at tracking spending on other online stuff this way. You and husband BOTH must be firmly committed to NEVER allowing him to purchase ANYTHING via the xbox again. You BOTH must be able to withstand the begging, anger, threats, etc... and insist he wait to go get a card or whatever. It won't be easy. IF you and husband see just how important this is, then you might be able to get some long term success with this. If you or husband give in bc it is too hard to go get a card or make difficult child wait, this isn't going to stop. </p><p></p><p>These are just ideas. I hope I don't sound too harsh. I am really tired and have a migaine, so if I am not my normal self, or I am too blunt, I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 530768, member: 1233"] First of all, the girl he was alone with. he lied about prents being home. What is the consequence for that? He also cheated on his girlfriend. What is the FAMILY stand on cheating on your sig other? This is NOT NOT NOT a private matter. It IS IS IS a family matter. This comes down to BASIC human values, not privacy. You NEED to send a super clear message about how it is NOT okay to cheat on his girlfriend, and he needs to TELL his girlfriend even though it will be hard. He also needs to find a way to make this up tot he FAMILY for disappointing the FAMILY (ncluding himself). Unless you want him to grow up to be a man who thinks it is just fine as long as no one knows. After all, he probably enjoyed it very much (big reward) andif it isn't a big deal to anyone, then why would he deny himself? I KNOW all the privacy, he is growing up and learnng for himself, type koi. But he isn't. How many of th social rules did he get by 'himself' with-o you pushing and remindng etc... about a million times?? No matter how clear this is to you, it isn't going to be to him because, well, it was FUN and pleasurable and that kind of fun and pleasure just beg to be repeated. As he is a difficult child with little innate understanding (caring? comprehension? not sure which fits better here) of how others feel or why he should care you need to work to inject your values and to give him hard, firm guidelines bc it probably is the only way he will grasp it at least for now. Next issue is the sexting. It is illegal. In some states they are sending teens to prison and/or putting them on the sex offender registry for sending pics of naed teens. Evens ending a pci of yourself to boyfriend just one time qualifies for some judges. these teens are charged with child port - having it if they receive the text, having and distributing it if they are the one who sent the sext. This is serious business. Does difficult child go to school with this girl? Wht are the school regulations regarding sexting? Can you talk to the VP or guidance counselor about setingm, school rules, etc...? I would also call the police dept and ask about how sexting is handled? Just in case the girl's dad tries to press charges. The girl could send it to more than just difficult child and then tell her dad that difficult child did it. Then it would be up to some tech guru to figure out who sent it to whom. BUT it would be difficult to handle, and it would land difficult child with a reputation that he does NOt want. husband needs to have some major consequences for not making double dang sure that a parent was home and not just a sister. Personally I would start by asking if he prefers Grandpa or Grandad? After all, he did just give his son a ride to a sexual liaison with a teenage female. there is every chance that the kids did not use bc properly if at all. I don't know if difficult child has gone to the doctor for some open, honest info from a guy on the long term effects of sex on his health, the mother of his chld's health (if they have a child when she is a teen)and the problems the child is likely to have. Then some open talk about birth control, never trusting that the girl is on the pill or is using a diaphragm, and STDs is in order. Plus, he should have an exam for STDs. As thorough as possible. Incl bloodwork for things like Hepatitis, Aids, and other things. I know our pediatrician office is AMAZING if you let them know ahead of tme. Dr. S scared the livng bejeebers out of Wiz and still kept Wiz' respect! I don't know if your husband is going to be able to do the doctor appointment with-o the 'boys will be boys' wink wink nudge nudge stuff that is sooo stupidly prevalent. So this is something that you and husband should do to gether if possible. Most docs will NOT take this lightly, esp pediatricians, because they deal wth those babies after the fun is gone and Mom is too young and tired and scared and dependent to care for the child. This is NOT an issue I would let difficult child just muddle through. I would make sure he tripped on as many of the potential hazards as possible in the hopes that he would NEVER do this agan. Not sure it is the right way, but it is what my gut says to do. As for the xbox money, what consequence have you been using? Is there a way that ALL purchases for xbox must be made at a store (a card to buy like for some things?) and no $$ can ever be spend via the xbox controls again? I know I have been successful at tracking spending on other online stuff this way. You and husband BOTH must be firmly committed to NEVER allowing him to purchase ANYTHING via the xbox again. You BOTH must be able to withstand the begging, anger, threats, etc... and insist he wait to go get a card or whatever. It won't be easy. IF you and husband see just how important this is, then you might be able to get some long term success with this. If you or husband give in bc it is too hard to go get a card or make difficult child wait, this isn't going to stop. These are just ideas. I hope I don't sound too harsh. I am really tired and have a migaine, so if I am not my normal self, or I am too blunt, I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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OMG, can he come up with-ANYthing else to screw up or lie about?????
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