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OMG, his plan is to return here...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657975" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I like what Witzend said, but I think every decent thing we do when our DCs are involved backfires into something unforeseeable.</p><p></p><p>I would not play the recording for the exgf's mother. I would say something to the effect that you have received a voicemail from Difficult Child and that his behaviors seem to be escalating, and that you would like her to take extra care around him.</p><p></p><p>I agree so wholeheartedly with Wit's posting that having received the voicemail unaware and unprepared was a remarkable gift. This is probably the underlying current of every conversation, of every interaction you have with this child, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>Engaging in conversation with him submerses you in toxicity, and that weakens and confuses you, as your mother heart tries to find some explanation and your brain screams "Hang up". And that is why he does it. If you do speak to him in a way in which you can hear his voice again, listen for those same tones, for that underlying toxicity. If you can do that, I think it will help you stay centered. There will be a part of you with an assignment, and later, once the conversation is over, you will be able to rehear it from that centered place. You will not be hypnotized by him, by the danger in him and the helplessness of knowing you are his mother and you love him and cannot face what seems to be happening and freeze, instead.</p><p></p><p>I really like what Witz posted about clarity.</p><p></p><p>That is the hardest thing for us. To find clarity.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm sorry blackgnat, but I think your therapist is correct.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you have her to support you through this.</p><p></p><p>I am scared for you, blackgnat. You are a brave woman.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657975, member: 17461"] I like what Witzend said, but I think every decent thing we do when our DCs are involved backfires into something unforeseeable. I would not play the recording for the exgf's mother. I would say something to the effect that you have received a voicemail from Difficult Child and that his behaviors seem to be escalating, and that you would like her to take extra care around him. I agree so wholeheartedly with Wit's posting that having received the voicemail unaware and unprepared was a remarkable gift. This is probably the underlying current of every conversation, of every interaction you have with this child, blackgnat. Engaging in conversation with him submerses you in toxicity, and that weakens and confuses you, as your mother heart tries to find some explanation and your brain screams "Hang up". And that is why he does it. If you do speak to him in a way in which you can hear his voice again, listen for those same tones, for that underlying toxicity. If you can do that, I think it will help you stay centered. There will be a part of you with an assignment, and later, once the conversation is over, you will be able to rehear it from that centered place. You will not be hypnotized by him, by the danger in him and the helplessness of knowing you are his mother and you love him and cannot face what seems to be happening and freeze, instead. I really like what Witz posted about clarity. That is the hardest thing for us. To find clarity. I'm sorry blackgnat, but I think your therapist is correct. I am glad you have her to support you through this. I am scared for you, blackgnat. You are a brave woman. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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OMG, his plan is to return here...
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