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OMG, I am so tired of his twisted sense of reality--long rant
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<blockquote data-quote="DazedandConfused" data-source="post: 381008" data-attributes="member: 831"><p>Terry,</p><p> </p><p>I can feel the exhaustion and hurt in your initial post. I agree with Fran for the most part; do to get. No more serving him and if he wants the food you serve a certain way then he can fix it that way himself. Honestly, I don't find his disenagement from what you find interesting and want to share with him surprising since that his how Son is with me. Even with the AS, this is a typical teen behavior too. I know a lot of people don't like using typical teen in relation to difficult children and AS, but I believe they do and they're just off the charts in intensity. Son, for the most part, doesn't like to have conversations with me either. He especially hates answering my questions. You know, those horribly intrusive questions* like, "How did X country practice go?" Son will have conversations with me as long am I am a bobble head and he can go on and on (typical AS). There are times when we do have what could be called normal conversations (almost anyway), but I'm careful to remind myself that this doesn't mean that now all conversations will be that way. by the way, Son also admonishes me not to take things personally. Like a few weeks ago when he said, "Any kid that would want you as a Mother is CRAZY!"( This was in reaction to a couple of my students sharing that they wish I were their Mom because they like my sense of humor) Uh yeah, why would I take THAT comment personally??? It hurt A LOT at first. In fact, I was shocked he would say it with such conviction and strength, but I understand that I'm the force in his life that denies him so much of what he wants (a new cell phone practically every week) and wants to do (like staying out until midnight) that I can understand why he would say such a thing. </p><p> </p><p>*Sarcasm intended</p><p> </p><p>I know with Son, I have found that I have really pulled back emotionally with him. I don't offer hugs and say "I love you" because of his extreme and loud adverse reactions ("Get away!" or "Whatever!" or "I'm not a baby!"). I can share with you that 13 was truly a horrible year for him and me. Not that 14 has been all that great, but so far, no police at my door. I think there is a middle ground between being emotionally spent over not being able to experience positive engagement with him and thinking you need to interact with him like robot. Where that is for you, I cannot say, exactly, it's something you have to carve out for yourself. You are an excellent writer, you might want to reflect on how you can discover and take refuge in that emotional place. But, no more serving him, please. Especially, given his propensity to bark out orders to you. That is a learned behavior that even PCs can embrace if given the chance.</p><p> </p><p>Son is has food aversions and I just don't fight that battle with him. When I meal plan, I do take his likes and dislikes into consideration and when I can accommodate, I do. I was an extremely picky eater as a kid, and I can remember just not being able to tolerate the taste and sensations of some foods. I'm a lot better now, but I still have it to a large degree, so I understand his perspective. I also had people in my childhood that would try and force me to eat certain foods and I still carry strong resentments over what they put me through. I had one cousin who was babysitting me make me sit at the table for hours until I ate the banana she gave me with my lunch. I still remember how gooey and nasty it got as I tried to force it down. I haven't seen her in years, but that is the first thing I would probably bring up if I saw her now. Plus, I still cannot tolerate the texture of bananas. </p><p> </p><p>My primary concern IS for your physical safety. I know that difficult child has attacked you in the past. Son has attacked me too, but I have the strength and size to stand up to him. Though, I did finally call the police on him and he hasn't done it since. I don't have advice, other than have the numbers ready on speed dial (carry your phone always) and be alone with him as little as possible. </p><p> </p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DazedandConfused, post: 381008, member: 831"] Terry, I can feel the exhaustion and hurt in your initial post. I agree with Fran for the most part; do to get. No more serving him and if he wants the food you serve a certain way then he can fix it that way himself. Honestly, I don't find his disenagement from what you find interesting and want to share with him surprising since that his how Son is with me. Even with the AS, this is a typical teen behavior too. I know a lot of people don't like using typical teen in relation to difficult children and AS, but I believe they do and they're just off the charts in intensity. Son, for the most part, doesn't like to have conversations with me either. He especially hates answering my questions. You know, those horribly intrusive questions* like, "How did X country practice go?" Son will have conversations with me as long am I am a bobble head and he can go on and on (typical AS). There are times when we do have what could be called normal conversations (almost anyway), but I'm careful to remind myself that this doesn't mean that now all conversations will be that way. by the way, Son also admonishes me not to take things personally. Like a few weeks ago when he said, "Any kid that would want you as a Mother is CRAZY!"( This was in reaction to a couple of my students sharing that they wish I were their Mom because they like my sense of humor) Uh yeah, why would I take THAT comment personally??? It hurt A LOT at first. In fact, I was shocked he would say it with such conviction and strength, but I understand that I'm the force in his life that denies him so much of what he wants (a new cell phone practically every week) and wants to do (like staying out until midnight) that I can understand why he would say such a thing. *Sarcasm intended I know with Son, I have found that I have really pulled back emotionally with him. I don't offer hugs and say "I love you" because of his extreme and loud adverse reactions ("Get away!" or "Whatever!" or "I'm not a baby!"). I can share with you that 13 was truly a horrible year for him and me. Not that 14 has been all that great, but so far, no police at my door. I think there is a middle ground between being emotionally spent over not being able to experience positive engagement with him and thinking you need to interact with him like robot. Where that is for you, I cannot say, exactly, it's something you have to carve out for yourself. You are an excellent writer, you might want to reflect on how you can discover and take refuge in that emotional place. But, no more serving him, please. Especially, given his propensity to bark out orders to you. That is a learned behavior that even PCs can embrace if given the chance. Son is has food aversions and I just don't fight that battle with him. When I meal plan, I do take his likes and dislikes into consideration and when I can accommodate, I do. I was an extremely picky eater as a kid, and I can remember just not being able to tolerate the taste and sensations of some foods. I'm a lot better now, but I still have it to a large degree, so I understand his perspective. I also had people in my childhood that would try and force me to eat certain foods and I still carry strong resentments over what they put me through. I had one cousin who was babysitting me make me sit at the table for hours until I ate the banana she gave me with my lunch. I still remember how gooey and nasty it got as I tried to force it down. I haven't seen her in years, but that is the first thing I would probably bring up if I saw her now. Plus, I still cannot tolerate the texture of bananas. My primary concern IS for your physical safety. I know that difficult child has attacked you in the past. Son has attacked me too, but I have the strength and size to stand up to him. Though, I did finally call the police on him and he hasn't done it since. I don't have advice, other than have the numbers ready on speed dial (carry your phone always) and be alone with him as little as possible. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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