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OMG - phone bill
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 235822" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>You know - it was SO easy for me to sit many years ago and listen to a bunch of well-wishers and friends tell ME what I should do. In part I knew they were right. I would continually make excuses, put my son's mental health as to what would happen to him, bargain with God, make more excuses based on "you don't know how fragile he is," and my list like many other women who are abused went on and on.</p><p> </p><p>At this point in time - you're just fed up. You're thinking about the future. You are beginning to consider yourself before anyone else without tremendous guilt. Has anyone ever told you that is okay? It is. IT'S FINE to consider yourself and think "Hey what about me?" As Mom's we do this so very little until it becomes non-existant. </p><p> </p><p>I don't think the videos are the issue here. I think they're just the frosting on your cake. You've written before about how you work, how he does nothing, how he has no physical contact with you, and just thinks it's dandy that you work all the time. Did it ever occur to you that you work so much to stay away from home and him? Who could blame you for that? And I think you said that when you get home - you liked to go for long walks. Your son is constantly doing his best to keep a bad relationship together by guilting you into - HIS feelings about what I feel is eminent divorce. IT's not his life - he'll have a chance to grow up, find a relationship and treat her how he wants to. At this point? You're not doing your son any favors - you're just perpetuating a cycle of abuse that he'll carry over into his relationships. How does that sit with you to think there is a better than 50% chance he'll treat his wife like his Dad treats his Mom? That vs. I'll just fall apart if you divorce let me be able to leave. </p><p> </p><p>People stay in unhealthy relationships for a number of reasons....whatever your reasoning is? Is yours. I can't talk you out of it, I can't talk you into leaving him. That choice is up to you. I can't even tell you that it's the right thing to do - but I think at this point you're looking for him to be empathetic and he's never going to be. </p><p> </p><p>Find a local domestic violence shelter or call the 1-800 hotline and just talk to someone who's been there along with you and find out what can be around the corner for you and your son. It's not all doom and gloom. I don't know ANYONE who left an abusive marriage (whether it's mental abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, physical abuse) and ever came to me and said "Oh Star I messed up, I wish I had never left." </p><p> </p><p>I left with nothing, but a damaged child who pooped his pants and had rages for hours, a stolen van packed with what I could throw in it in 15 minutes, and never looked back. I never thought I would be able to have a home, a car, things.....and I'm doing it. ON MY OWN. </p><p> </p><p>So you think about it. Ask yourself - how old do I think I will to? Let's just say 85. Now you say you're 46? How fast did those 46 years go by? Now ask yourself - if you did live until you were 85. That's 41 more years of life left. Figure that by the time you're 75 or so - things start to slow down for you.....So thats actually 31 more years of GOOD life - how do you see yourself spending the next 31 years? Miserable? In another 10 your son will be gone. Then what? What if you only live to 75 due to the stress you are dealing with now. That nets you about 21 years. Think you'll see any of your dreams come to fruition? HOw about your son? IT's a lot to think about. </p><p> </p><p>It's something to consider - health, age, mobility - sadness.........how long do you think you can hold out? Do you really want to find out? Or do you want to get on with your life and live it? Be happy? Content. </p><p> </p><p>You can make it happen. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 235822, member: 4964"] You know - it was SO easy for me to sit many years ago and listen to a bunch of well-wishers and friends tell ME what I should do. In part I knew they were right. I would continually make excuses, put my son's mental health as to what would happen to him, bargain with God, make more excuses based on "you don't know how fragile he is," and my list like many other women who are abused went on and on. At this point in time - you're just fed up. You're thinking about the future. You are beginning to consider yourself before anyone else without tremendous guilt. Has anyone ever told you that is okay? It is. IT'S FINE to consider yourself and think "Hey what about me?" As Mom's we do this so very little until it becomes non-existant. I don't think the videos are the issue here. I think they're just the frosting on your cake. You've written before about how you work, how he does nothing, how he has no physical contact with you, and just thinks it's dandy that you work all the time. Did it ever occur to you that you work so much to stay away from home and him? Who could blame you for that? And I think you said that when you get home - you liked to go for long walks. Your son is constantly doing his best to keep a bad relationship together by guilting you into - HIS feelings about what I feel is eminent divorce. IT's not his life - he'll have a chance to grow up, find a relationship and treat her how he wants to. At this point? You're not doing your son any favors - you're just perpetuating a cycle of abuse that he'll carry over into his relationships. How does that sit with you to think there is a better than 50% chance he'll treat his wife like his Dad treats his Mom? That vs. I'll just fall apart if you divorce let me be able to leave. People stay in unhealthy relationships for a number of reasons....whatever your reasoning is? Is yours. I can't talk you out of it, I can't talk you into leaving him. That choice is up to you. I can't even tell you that it's the right thing to do - but I think at this point you're looking for him to be empathetic and he's never going to be. Find a local domestic violence shelter or call the 1-800 hotline and just talk to someone who's been there along with you and find out what can be around the corner for you and your son. It's not all doom and gloom. I don't know ANYONE who left an abusive marriage (whether it's mental abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, physical abuse) and ever came to me and said "Oh Star I messed up, I wish I had never left." I left with nothing, but a damaged child who pooped his pants and had rages for hours, a stolen van packed with what I could throw in it in 15 minutes, and never looked back. I never thought I would be able to have a home, a car, things.....and I'm doing it. ON MY OWN. So you think about it. Ask yourself - how old do I think I will to? Let's just say 85. Now you say you're 46? How fast did those 46 years go by? Now ask yourself - if you did live until you were 85. That's 41 more years of life left. Figure that by the time you're 75 or so - things start to slow down for you.....So thats actually 31 more years of GOOD life - how do you see yourself spending the next 31 years? Miserable? In another 10 your son will be gone. Then what? What if you only live to 75 due to the stress you are dealing with now. That nets you about 21 years. Think you'll see any of your dreams come to fruition? HOw about your son? IT's a lot to think about. It's something to consider - health, age, mobility - sadness.........how long do you think you can hold out? Do you really want to find out? Or do you want to get on with your life and live it? Be happy? Content. You can make it happen. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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