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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 295879" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It's not just sports where this sort of parent behaviour can be found - we had our girls (and difficult child 1 for a while) in a local dance school. One of the parents there was positively feral - she would sabotage other girls in the dance school in order to make her daughter look better. They were wealthy so they could afford to trow money at their daughter. The girl got private dance lessons (as well as extra tuition from outside the dance school with anoter dancer), she got sent to every summer dance camp they could get her into. Now all that is OK, but then they fed the girl some fairly mean propaganda and encouraged her to be mean and demoralise the other kids. easy child was a good dancer and copped some of this (except she is fairly resilient and simply brushed it off as this girl being mean) but the girl who copped it worst was the best dancer of them all by far, a natural talent. But with poor parents. easy child left this dance school but I was very close to this girl's mother (the brilliant dancer's, I mean) and I heard it all. There would be a dance exam coming up and the girls were supposed to all get tapes of the music so they could practice at home. But the rich girl's parents would get the tape first well in advance of the others, and then not make copies and share it around for several weeks. Often the good dancer girl would get the tape with only a few days to spare. PLus the rich girl was constantly putting her down, telling her off for "showing off" when all she was doing was dancing well (they used to do that to my girls too, with the result that the entire dance school deteriorated in standard, a sense of self-consciousness crept into their movements, it looked awful).</p><p></p><p>The mother of the rich girl made herself indispensible to te dance school teacher who then played favourites and would put the rich girl in the best position in the line-up, would give her the best parts in concerts etc. When the good dancer got better marks in exams (because the examiner was not connected to the dance school) then the rich giurl sulked and made the poor girl's life even more a misery.</p><p></p><p>I urged my friend to take her daughter out of that dance school and send her elsewhere, but the girl didn't want to; on the one hand her confidence had been shaken and she feared the unkown of a new dance school (would it be even tougher on her?) and on the other hand, she was under the spell of the rich girl was was condescending to be her 'friend' (can you pronounce Stockholm Syndrome?).</p><p></p><p>I'm describing them as rich girl, poor girl, but this had nothing to do with money (other than the rich girl's parents being able to afford the money they threw at their daughter's tuition). The rich girl did become a competent dancer, although somewhat mechanical. And sadly, the poor girl did lose some of her magic lustre as a dancer for quite a few years. Even more sadly, the poor girl (now a young adult) has been in an abusive relationship for a few years much to her mother's distress. But I see the seeds of this in the dance school experience; by not dealing with it and allowing her daughter to remain in that abusive environment, they were teaching her that she has to accept being treated in this way. I am so sad for them because they are lovely people, this girl is such a loving, gentle soul.</p><p></p><p>I used to work with the rich girl's father, I know where the ambitious drive was coming from. It wasn't just the mother. I've lost touch a bit with the rich family, but last time I saw the girl she was as ruthlessly ambitious as ever and still going places partly through her own determination (which is good) but also through tearing down anybody who she considered a rival in any way. Not good. Definitely someone I'm glad I was able to extricate easy child from being around.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 295879, member: 1991"] It's not just sports where this sort of parent behaviour can be found - we had our girls (and difficult child 1 for a while) in a local dance school. One of the parents there was positively feral - she would sabotage other girls in the dance school in order to make her daughter look better. They were wealthy so they could afford to trow money at their daughter. The girl got private dance lessons (as well as extra tuition from outside the dance school with anoter dancer), she got sent to every summer dance camp they could get her into. Now all that is OK, but then they fed the girl some fairly mean propaganda and encouraged her to be mean and demoralise the other kids. easy child was a good dancer and copped some of this (except she is fairly resilient and simply brushed it off as this girl being mean) but the girl who copped it worst was the best dancer of them all by far, a natural talent. But with poor parents. easy child left this dance school but I was very close to this girl's mother (the brilliant dancer's, I mean) and I heard it all. There would be a dance exam coming up and the girls were supposed to all get tapes of the music so they could practice at home. But the rich girl's parents would get the tape first well in advance of the others, and then not make copies and share it around for several weeks. Often the good dancer girl would get the tape with only a few days to spare. PLus the rich girl was constantly putting her down, telling her off for "showing off" when all she was doing was dancing well (they used to do that to my girls too, with the result that the entire dance school deteriorated in standard, a sense of self-consciousness crept into their movements, it looked awful). The mother of the rich girl made herself indispensible to te dance school teacher who then played favourites and would put the rich girl in the best position in the line-up, would give her the best parts in concerts etc. When the good dancer got better marks in exams (because the examiner was not connected to the dance school) then the rich giurl sulked and made the poor girl's life even more a misery. I urged my friend to take her daughter out of that dance school and send her elsewhere, but the girl didn't want to; on the one hand her confidence had been shaken and she feared the unkown of a new dance school (would it be even tougher on her?) and on the other hand, she was under the spell of the rich girl was was condescending to be her 'friend' (can you pronounce Stockholm Syndrome?). I'm describing them as rich girl, poor girl, but this had nothing to do with money (other than the rich girl's parents being able to afford the money they threw at their daughter's tuition). The rich girl did become a competent dancer, although somewhat mechanical. And sadly, the poor girl did lose some of her magic lustre as a dancer for quite a few years. Even more sadly, the poor girl (now a young adult) has been in an abusive relationship for a few years much to her mother's distress. But I see the seeds of this in the dance school experience; by not dealing with it and allowing her daughter to remain in that abusive environment, they were teaching her that she has to accept being treated in this way. I am so sad for them because they are lovely people, this girl is such a loving, gentle soul. I used to work with the rich girl's father, I know where the ambitious drive was coming from. It wasn't just the mother. I've lost touch a bit with the rich family, but last time I saw the girl she was as ruthlessly ambitious as ever and still going places partly through her own determination (which is good) but also through tearing down anybody who she considered a rival in any way. Not good. Definitely someone I'm glad I was able to extricate easy child from being around. Marg [/QUOTE]
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