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General Parenting
Once again, bio Dad derails difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="IMSnoopee" data-source="post: 56983" data-attributes="member: 3740"><p>Sorry to hear the ex is causing so much havoc. I've been there, as well. Through it all I tried my hardest to stay calm. There was an occasional yelling match and one time I did take it out on his car by having it towed. </p><p></p><p>I've learned to not depend on my ex for anything; child support, emotional support, parenting, or as a father. I've also been very honest with my kids. I don't bad mouth their dad -- ok, there's been an occasional potty mouth about him, but I'm not perfect. Just doing my best.</p><p></p><p>My ex also did the whole come and go, jail, not pay his child support... but through all his stupidity, he loves his kids. And I know that. And I give credit where credit is due. Although I may hate the bejesus out of him and can't stand being around him, I still try to be polite (sometimes even friendly) and I don't put him down to his face anymore. Not even that look we women know how to give.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what I'm trying to say, but you can't control your ex. You can't force him to be a good dad no matter how angry you get or how hurt your son is. What you can do is prevent things from getting to you or prevent your son getting hurt (to a limit). </p><p></p><p>When my ex was on me so much that I could only cry, I stopped taking his calls, and when we absolutely had to talk, as soon as he became beligerant I ended the call. And I never allowed my ex to promise picking up the kids. We would talk about when he'd see the kids, but the kids never knew anything until one to two hours before pick up. (And as for the calling the kid and making promises on the phone, I always told my kids "we'll see, I can't promise anything right now".)</p><p></p><p>I also teach my kids that they have control over how they feel. It's ok to be disappointed, but why get so upset and feel unworthy because the dad decided to be a chump? And that's always an opportunity for me to tell my kids that when they are men and have their own children, they remember what kind of father not to be.</p><p></p><p>Good luck to you. I hope you take pride in being a good mother and give credit to the dad when he's tried, and explain to your son that it's not his fault. (But you'll still get blamed through the teenage years.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="IMSnoopee, post: 56983, member: 3740"] Sorry to hear the ex is causing so much havoc. I've been there, as well. Through it all I tried my hardest to stay calm. There was an occasional yelling match and one time I did take it out on his car by having it towed. I've learned to not depend on my ex for anything; child support, emotional support, parenting, or as a father. I've also been very honest with my kids. I don't bad mouth their dad -- ok, there's been an occasional potty mouth about him, but I'm not perfect. Just doing my best. My ex also did the whole come and go, jail, not pay his child support... but through all his stupidity, he loves his kids. And I know that. And I give credit where credit is due. Although I may hate the bejesus out of him and can't stand being around him, I still try to be polite (sometimes even friendly) and I don't put him down to his face anymore. Not even that look we women know how to give. I don't know what I'm trying to say, but you can't control your ex. You can't force him to be a good dad no matter how angry you get or how hurt your son is. What you can do is prevent things from getting to you or prevent your son getting hurt (to a limit). When my ex was on me so much that I could only cry, I stopped taking his calls, and when we absolutely had to talk, as soon as he became beligerant I ended the call. And I never allowed my ex to promise picking up the kids. We would talk about when he'd see the kids, but the kids never knew anything until one to two hours before pick up. (And as for the calling the kid and making promises on the phone, I always told my kids "we'll see, I can't promise anything right now".) I also teach my kids that they have control over how they feel. It's ok to be disappointed, but why get so upset and feel unworthy because the dad decided to be a chump? And that's always an opportunity for me to tell my kids that when they are men and have their own children, they remember what kind of father not to be. Good luck to you. I hope you take pride in being a good mother and give credit to the dad when he's tried, and explain to your son that it's not his fault. (But you'll still get blamed through the teenage years.) [/QUOTE]
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