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General Parenting
Once again...Feeling like a bad parent
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<blockquote data-quote="Dixies_fire" data-source="post: 594646" data-attributes="member: 16184"><p>I think you should start from 0 and work your way up. </p><p></p><p>Please don't think anything I say as having all the answers because quite honestly I don't. </p><p>I don't even know if I do things the "right" way but here's my suggestion.</p><p></p><p>Is my kid is being a PITA I don't deal with her. She goes to her room. I don't make deals with people who don't make any effort to be pleasant. </p><p>I don't buy things for people who whine</p><p>People who don't eat don't get desert.</p><p></p><p>And there would be no amount of fit throwing that would make me go to bed with a kid old enough to be in school.</p><p>That is my time and I've put my energy into taking care of everyone all day and I am not sharing my night time. Period. The end.</p><p></p><p>I think you should go to a t doctor with husband because he "doesn't want to hear" difficult child... Too bad. That kid can scream and tear things up and you know what he still isn't getting anything. I would of put difficult child in the car to the therapist and not discussed it. It's not up for discussion you are the adult he is the kid.</p><p></p><p>Punishment may not work but giving them things isn't the answer, letting them have it all their way isn't the answer.</p><p></p><p>And this warm and fuzzy bull hockey that seems to be the "normal" way to parent doesn't work either.</p><p></p><p>I've finally gotten it through my head that spanking difficult child isn't the answer. Getting worked up isn't the answer but she has a room and I can take away all the electronics and I can take away all her toys. She isn't going to speak rudely to me she isn't gonna hit people and for everything she destroys in my house I can destroy, take throw away return something of hers. </p><p>I told her this the other day. I'm required to feed you put clothes on your body and give you a place to stay, and make you get an education. I have no other responsibilities beyond that. You want loving mom you be loving kid. You want things then do something to earn them, good behavior grades clean room etc.I don't have to do any of those things and I won't unless I'm met in the middle.</p><p></p><p>Just my thought. No kid that didn't at a minimum go to school and modify how they speak to me would EVER have an iPad in my house.</p><p></p><p>Be strong and find a way to talk to husband cause if he is like this now what is he going to be like later?</p><p></p><p>Why was he given an option about going to the doctor? </p><p>Reacting to his bad behavior is what he wanted, he doesn't care that he's being punished because he knows he can get out of it.</p><p></p><p>And taking away his stuff and starting from zero? In my opinion it isn't a punishment it's a blank slate. He has nothing till he starts working for it, which is in my opinion how it should always have been.</p><p></p><p>You aren't a bad parent I wouldn't even say your husband is a bad parent but parent doesn't equal instant gratification machine just because you have money to shower your kids with all this koi that he doesn't NEED doesn't mean you should or you are doing him or yourself any favors.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dixies_fire, post: 594646, member: 16184"] I think you should start from 0 and work your way up. Please don't think anything I say as having all the answers because quite honestly I don't. I don't even know if I do things the "right" way but here's my suggestion. Is my kid is being a PITA I don't deal with her. She goes to her room. I don't make deals with people who don't make any effort to be pleasant. I don't buy things for people who whine People who don't eat don't get desert. And there would be no amount of fit throwing that would make me go to bed with a kid old enough to be in school. That is my time and I've put my energy into taking care of everyone all day and I am not sharing my night time. Period. The end. I think you should go to a t doctor with husband because he "doesn't want to hear" difficult child... Too bad. That kid can scream and tear things up and you know what he still isn't getting anything. I would of put difficult child in the car to the therapist and not discussed it. It's not up for discussion you are the adult he is the kid. Punishment may not work but giving them things isn't the answer, letting them have it all their way isn't the answer. And this warm and fuzzy bull hockey that seems to be the "normal" way to parent doesn't work either. I've finally gotten it through my head that spanking difficult child isn't the answer. Getting worked up isn't the answer but she has a room and I can take away all the electronics and I can take away all her toys. She isn't going to speak rudely to me she isn't gonna hit people and for everything she destroys in my house I can destroy, take throw away return something of hers. I told her this the other day. I'm required to feed you put clothes on your body and give you a place to stay, and make you get an education. I have no other responsibilities beyond that. You want loving mom you be loving kid. You want things then do something to earn them, good behavior grades clean room etc.I don't have to do any of those things and I won't unless I'm met in the middle. Just my thought. No kid that didn't at a minimum go to school and modify how they speak to me would EVER have an iPad in my house. Be strong and find a way to talk to husband cause if he is like this now what is he going to be like later? Why was he given an option about going to the doctor? Reacting to his bad behavior is what he wanted, he doesn't care that he's being punished because he knows he can get out of it. And taking away his stuff and starting from zero? In my opinion it isn't a punishment it's a blank slate. He has nothing till he starts working for it, which is in my opinion how it should always have been. You aren't a bad parent I wouldn't even say your husband is a bad parent but parent doesn't equal instant gratification machine just because you have money to shower your kids with all this koi that he doesn't NEED doesn't mean you should or you are doing him or yourself any favors. [/QUOTE]
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