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Parent Emeritus
One last post and I will leave you alone ;)
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 748078" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>When my daughter becomes rude or disrespectful with me, I hang up the phone. That is my boundary and it is non-negotiable. She has stayed silent sometimes for months when this has happened and that's OK. This is about my peace of mind and my healthy boundaries. Did I miss my granddaughter during those times? Yes, I did and sometimes I worried. But it was also space for me to focus on myself, which is what I should be focused on. It rarely happens these days. And when it does the silence only last a day or two. </p><p></p><p>Right now your daughter is a tyrant. She gets to spout her crazy ideas and if you don't agree with them then you're not supporting her. And if you don't say anything, you're not supporting her. Do you see the corner she has you in? It's not OK. It's disrespectful. in my opinion next time you talk to her if she starts bringing that subject up I would say, "This is a difficult topic for us, so let's not discuss it anymore." and change the subject. If she tries to come back around to it I would tell her it makes you uncomfortable and if she brings it up again you will hang up. If you say this you have to follow through. If she gets crazy and starts yelling you have to hang up. If she returns to the topic, you have to hang up. When you begin setting and maintaining boundaries she will likely ratchet up her poor behavior. When I first started doing it my daughter would call and call and call. I wouldn't answer and she would leave insane, screaming messages. I just turned my phones off. It took her awhile to get it- that I was really setting boundaries and following through. But once she got it things got a lot better. That doesn't mean there aren't still times when she slips or I slip, but overall it's much better. I know how hard this is. It sounds very simple, but it's not. Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 748078, member: 11235"] When my daughter becomes rude or disrespectful with me, I hang up the phone. That is my boundary and it is non-negotiable. She has stayed silent sometimes for months when this has happened and that's OK. This is about my peace of mind and my healthy boundaries. Did I miss my granddaughter during those times? Yes, I did and sometimes I worried. But it was also space for me to focus on myself, which is what I should be focused on. It rarely happens these days. And when it does the silence only last a day or two. Right now your daughter is a tyrant. She gets to spout her crazy ideas and if you don't agree with them then you're not supporting her. And if you don't say anything, you're not supporting her. Do you see the corner she has you in? It's not OK. It's disrespectful. in my opinion next time you talk to her if she starts bringing that subject up I would say, "This is a difficult topic for us, so let's not discuss it anymore." and change the subject. If she tries to come back around to it I would tell her it makes you uncomfortable and if she brings it up again you will hang up. If you say this you have to follow through. If she gets crazy and starts yelling you have to hang up. If she returns to the topic, you have to hang up. When you begin setting and maintaining boundaries she will likely ratchet up her poor behavior. When I first started doing it my daughter would call and call and call. I wouldn't answer and she would leave insane, screaming messages. I just turned my phones off. It took her awhile to get it- that I was really setting boundaries and following through. But once she got it things got a lot better. That doesn't mean there aren't still times when she slips or I slip, but overall it's much better. I know how hard this is. It sounds very simple, but it's not. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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