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Parent Emeritus
One last post and I will leave you alone ;)
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 748088" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>Yes. We have a much better relationship now for several reasons. One is that I focus on myself and not on my daughter. Her life is hers, for better or worse. Most of the time I am able to have a relationship of "loving detachment" with her. This doesn't mean I don't care about her or that I don't sometimes wish she made different choices. It means I realize the choices are HERS to make, and if I don't agree with them it's not my place to say that. Sometimes when she's telling me something crazy I just give non-committal feedback. Or if she gets herself in a jam and complains about it to me, I just say, "You're a smart woman. You'll figure it out." And this is all true because she is an adult, so she needs to travel her journey in her way. Sometimes I want to scream at her because I think what she's doing is stupid, but I don't. </p><p></p><p>Our relationship has also changed because I don't allow her to treat me in ways that I find disrespectful or manipulative. This makes me more comfortable in the relationship and it makes it easier for us to communicate. Don't get me wrong. It's not perfect and we still have issues or troubles sometimes, but it's 90% better than it used to be. I don't think it's bad to take a break in communicating with people we are in relationships with, especially during difficult times. If you get some space you can sometimes be more objective about the relationship and discover ways that you can change to make it more positive. All we can control is ourselves, so that's where our focus should be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 748088, member: 11235"] Yes. We have a much better relationship now for several reasons. One is that I focus on myself and not on my daughter. Her life is hers, for better or worse. Most of the time I am able to have a relationship of "loving detachment" with her. This doesn't mean I don't care about her or that I don't sometimes wish she made different choices. It means I realize the choices are HERS to make, and if I don't agree with them it's not my place to say that. Sometimes when she's telling me something crazy I just give non-committal feedback. Or if she gets herself in a jam and complains about it to me, I just say, "You're a smart woman. You'll figure it out." And this is all true because she is an adult, so she needs to travel her journey in her way. Sometimes I want to scream at her because I think what she's doing is stupid, but I don't. Our relationship has also changed because I don't allow her to treat me in ways that I find disrespectful or manipulative. This makes me more comfortable in the relationship and it makes it easier for us to communicate. Don't get me wrong. It's not perfect and we still have issues or troubles sometimes, but it's 90% better than it used to be. I don't think it's bad to take a break in communicating with people we are in relationships with, especially during difficult times. If you get some space you can sometimes be more objective about the relationship and discover ways that you can change to make it more positive. All we can control is ourselves, so that's where our focus should be. [/QUOTE]
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One last post and I will leave you alone ;)
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