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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
One of us is nuts, is it him or me (or both).
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<blockquote data-quote="OTE" data-source="post: 13017"><p>I can only tell you how I deal with my son in placements. First, he gets something from me when the therapist tells me that he has earned it. Mine, any kid, would be calling daily for something if we gave in at every request. He gets BD, holiday gifts as his sibs do in the same amts. If someone steals something, he needs to work that out with the staff there, not my problem. I don't replace it. I know mine was stealing from others as well. I let the staff there handle the relationships with other patients. I do not make calls for him other than adult/ therapist/ PO/ dr/ etc related. If he wants to talk to his friends he can write to them. I supply envelopes, paper and postage only. I've also been known to provide phone cards. But again, that gets out of hand and I never know how much he's selling of those cards vs using. So those are also limited. FYI mine also sold clothes, shoes, anything to other patients... to buy cigs or drugs usually. So sending him stuff was only feeding his habit, enabling, or whatever.</p><p></p><p>As to having my kid rant at me about other people... no. I do not allow any other person to rant at me so why should my child? He has to learn how to behave in society and ranting at people is not appropriate. I am in no way my child's punching bag. My children are to treat me with the respect a parent deserves now and later. If he wants to rant at the therapist, let the therapist deal with it. Again, where is the line of enabling a child? And at 17, absolutely not. As to expressing sadness, OK. I and my friends express sadness to each other. If he's expressing it appropriately fine. If not, he needs to work with his therapist on it, I'm not a professional. Again, I ma not a dumping ground for anything and everything he wants to dump. He won't be able to do that to friends as an adult, he needs to learn boundaries. 17 is a bit late in my humble opinion, my kids didn't get away with this kind of stuff unchecked after they hit puberty. Puberty/ adolescence is a learning ground of how to behave in society in my humble opinion. So my 15 yr old is learning. My 17 yr old knows appropriate behavior and what I'll tolerate and won't tolerate. When he's not at home and starts inappropriate language and won't stop, I leave the visit or end the call. Guess that's how he learned. LOL&gt;</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OTE, post: 13017"] I can only tell you how I deal with my son in placements. First, he gets something from me when the therapist tells me that he has earned it. Mine, any kid, would be calling daily for something if we gave in at every request. He gets BD, holiday gifts as his sibs do in the same amts. If someone steals something, he needs to work that out with the staff there, not my problem. I don't replace it. I know mine was stealing from others as well. I let the staff there handle the relationships with other patients. I do not make calls for him other than adult/ therapist/ PO/ dr/ etc related. If he wants to talk to his friends he can write to them. I supply envelopes, paper and postage only. I've also been known to provide phone cards. But again, that gets out of hand and I never know how much he's selling of those cards vs using. So those are also limited. FYI mine also sold clothes, shoes, anything to other patients... to buy cigs or drugs usually. So sending him stuff was only feeding his habit, enabling, or whatever. As to having my kid rant at me about other people... no. I do not allow any other person to rant at me so why should my child? He has to learn how to behave in society and ranting at people is not appropriate. I am in no way my child's punching bag. My children are to treat me with the respect a parent deserves now and later. If he wants to rant at the therapist, let the therapist deal with it. Again, where is the line of enabling a child? And at 17, absolutely not. As to expressing sadness, OK. I and my friends express sadness to each other. If he's expressing it appropriately fine. If not, he needs to work with his therapist on it, I'm not a professional. Again, I ma not a dumping ground for anything and everything he wants to dump. He won't be able to do that to friends as an adult, he needs to learn boundaries. 17 is a bit late in my humble opinion, my kids didn't get away with this kind of stuff unchecked after they hit puberty. Puberty/ adolescence is a learning ground of how to behave in society in my humble opinion. So my 15 yr old is learning. My 17 yr old knows appropriate behavior and what I'll tolerate and won't tolerate. When he's not at home and starts inappropriate language and won't stop, I leave the visit or end the call. Guess that's how he learned. LOL> [/QUOTE]
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