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one step forward and its 20 back.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 30265" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Hi Kassy. I can sure sympathize - my difficult child is a pathological liar. Lies even when he doesn't have to lie. His lies used to scare me because I'd think he was hiding something that could be dangerous. Now, though, I'm starting to think that my difficult child's lies are less about deception than about manipulation.</p><p></p><p>When we talk (infrequently, lately), he always has an agenda. And it seems that his entire side of the conversation is about his agenda, and saying whatever comes to mind to make it happen. The concept of "honest, open dialog" doesn't cross his mind, even if the truth has a better chance of getting him what he wants. Unfortunately, lies come as easy as breathing, and as habitual as swallowing. I'm really starting to think that he doesn't see it as lying, just the game he plays to get what he wants. Weird, hunh?</p><p></p><p>I've been down the road of "you don't have to lie about anything", too. I've told him that I'd rather have him tell the truth and be defiant rather than lie and give me nightmares about what he's doing. Nope, that didn't work either. My wife swears that's the most evil thing someone can do....</p><p></p><p> :faint: </p><p></p><p>Like other difficult children here, he doesn't seem to understand that as parents our primary concern is for his safety and well-being. When kids lie, it only ratchets up our radar, and we start worrying that they're doing something that (a) could get them hurt, (b) that they want to hide, and (c) that they KNOW is wrong.</p><p></p><p>And somehow, none of that bothers them and they lie anyway.</p><p> :grrr: </p><p></p><p>Of all the other issues my son has, lying is the worst one. Of course, it's also his best defense to keep me out of his life, so I don't expect it to get better without some serious intervention, conflict, or a sudden attack of consience.</p><p></p><p>Sorry I don't have an answer, but I can sure sympathize with you. And if you happen to find the snake oil that actually cures this, please buy me a case :smile:</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 30265, member: 3579"] Hi Kassy. I can sure sympathize - my difficult child is a pathological liar. Lies even when he doesn't have to lie. His lies used to scare me because I'd think he was hiding something that could be dangerous. Now, though, I'm starting to think that my difficult child's lies are less about deception than about manipulation. When we talk (infrequently, lately), he always has an agenda. And it seems that his entire side of the conversation is about his agenda, and saying whatever comes to mind to make it happen. The concept of "honest, open dialog" doesn't cross his mind, even if the truth has a better chance of getting him what he wants. Unfortunately, lies come as easy as breathing, and as habitual as swallowing. I'm really starting to think that he doesn't see it as lying, just the game he plays to get what he wants. Weird, hunh? I've been down the road of "you don't have to lie about anything", too. I've told him that I'd rather have him tell the truth and be defiant rather than lie and give me nightmares about what he's doing. Nope, that didn't work either. My wife swears that's the most evil thing someone can do.... [img]:faint:[/img] Like other difficult children here, he doesn't seem to understand that as parents our primary concern is for his safety and well-being. When kids lie, it only ratchets up our radar, and we start worrying that they're doing something that (a) could get them hurt, (b) that they want to hide, and (c) that they KNOW is wrong. And somehow, none of that bothers them and they lie anyway. [img]:grrr:[/img] Of all the other issues my son has, lying is the worst one. Of course, it's also his best defense to keep me out of his life, so I don't expect it to get better without some serious intervention, conflict, or a sudden attack of consience. Sorry I don't have an answer, but I can sure sympathize with you. And if you happen to find the snake oil that actually cures this, please buy me a case [img]:smile:[/img] Mikey [/QUOTE]
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