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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
One year later
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 493818"><p>Oh Nancy.... I remember so well a year ago when my son was in rehab and your daughter was relapsingi and then your daughter getting sober and my son relapsing... and on and on. They were never quite in the same part of the same cycle. Now they are both sober for now although your daughter is farther along in her recovery than my son I think.</p><p></p><p>I don't know about your daughter but I know my son is still pretty cagey with us about a lot of things. He just can't be completely open with us. I don't know if that is because he really has stuff to hide or if it is just so ingrained as the pattern of our relationship. He lied to us for so long that I do think lying to us is just part of his pattern and habit. I think it is going to take quite some time to repair all the damage that has happened to our relationship including trust, or rather lack of it. Even if he is sober I still don't feel I can trust him.</p><p></p><p>And the relationship thing. Just because they get sober does not mean they have figured out relationships and their issues with them... and our difficult children both seem to have unhealthy drama filled relationships. And I suspect AA is full of other people who struggle with relationship issues... it is a place where they can find others to get into unhealthy realtionships with.</p><p></p><p>So I don't see her lying to you as a sign she is not sober... it is definitely worrisome and she could be drinking again but I don't think that is necessarily so at all. I would follow your gut instinct... and it sounds like this lying is more about the guy than substance use.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 493818"] Oh Nancy.... I remember so well a year ago when my son was in rehab and your daughter was relapsingi and then your daughter getting sober and my son relapsing... and on and on. They were never quite in the same part of the same cycle. Now they are both sober for now although your daughter is farther along in her recovery than my son I think. I don't know about your daughter but I know my son is still pretty cagey with us about a lot of things. He just can't be completely open with us. I don't know if that is because he really has stuff to hide or if it is just so ingrained as the pattern of our relationship. He lied to us for so long that I do think lying to us is just part of his pattern and habit. I think it is going to take quite some time to repair all the damage that has happened to our relationship including trust, or rather lack of it. Even if he is sober I still don't feel I can trust him. And the relationship thing. Just because they get sober does not mean they have figured out relationships and their issues with them... and our difficult children both seem to have unhealthy drama filled relationships. And I suspect AA is full of other people who struggle with relationship issues... it is a place where they can find others to get into unhealthy realtionships with. So I don't see her lying to you as a sign she is not sober... it is definitely worrisome and she could be drinking again but I don't think that is necessarily so at all. I would follow your gut instinct... and it sounds like this lying is more about the guy than substance use. TL [/QUOTE]
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