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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 105755" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Meow - (I'm sorry about your depression, never noticed it before either) </p><p></p><p>Well- I think if it's possible we have tried every parenting skill, doctor assisted plan available. We did charts with check boxes for the very few chores he had to do. Brush teeth daily, water the dogs daily, and take out the trash once a week. THAT was it. If he got that done and every box was checked he got $$. </p><p></p><p>He never made it - not once. We tried asking HIM which chores he thought he could do? He said "take out the trash" we said "Already tried it and you failed." so then he said "Brush my teeth?" I mean come on. Take out the trash once a week? How hard could that be without nagging? </p><p></p><p>He made so MANY other messes in the house my chore list went from manageable to unreal. Every time he took a shower the bathroom looked like you bathed a St. Bernard in it. How anyone could consistantly get water on teh ceiling and have 1/2 and inch of water on the floor is beyond me - getting him to clean it up - beyond him. </p><p></p><p>Somedays I just figured it was easier to not ask him to do a thing. When I said unload the dishwasher - every bowl, cup and plate eventually ended up broken or chipped. I have Corell and he chipped an cracked even that. So no more dishes. Sweep the floor? He'd sweep the mess from the kitchen on to a throw rug, take the throw rug and shake it behind the dining room table - I mean WTH? So no more sweeping. Tried asking him to vacuum one a week and now all my furniture looks as if someone took a hammer and pounded the legs and feet of it. I finally gave up. I did all the chores myself. I did make sure he KNEW how to do them - but his attitude at being asked to do anything in our home was utterly amazing. </p><p></p><p></p><p>As far as sleeping? Up for school by 7:00 when he lived here and went to bed most nights at a reasonable hour. The nights he was up all night? You had better tiptoe for ME and get your butt up in the morning. Saturdays were sleep in days for him or if he got up to go shopping and help me - I usually rewarded him with something. </p><p></p><p>Now he's living in a group home - that will NOT nag. 37 years of raising kids has told this man to tell these boys "I'm going to tell you one time - and either you do it or you don't. No one is going to force you to do it, no one is going to nag you to get it done, but know this - I will know when the things I ask you to do are NOT done. And when I reach MY limit? You will be asked to leave without notice. So you can either comply with our house rules, pitch in and do your chores (that rotate weekly) OR you had better get a dang good job and save up lots of money because first, last, security add up for an apartment, and then there is down payment on lights, and cable, food, gas, necessities like toilet paper, and gas for a car if you have one, insurance, medical expenses (and he just goes on and on for like 30 minutes about things you'll need if you don't abide by his rules to live under his roof." </p><p></p><p>- If difficult child doesn't abide - and gets thrown out it's back to jail possibly for him. And like a typical difficult child - he hasn't done his chores and he's sleeping in till 11:30 every day, not going to his appointments, or school - and so they had a meeting 2 weeks ago and told us he was OUT. Sorry - out. Not complying - apparently doesn't want to live there. Good bye - no more discussion - here are some garbage bags, get your things and get out. </p><p></p><p>difficult child didn't like it at all - and I thought maybe by no one nagging him it would never work - but I've kept out of it. I'm 43 this man has been taking care of difficult child's for 37 years. Maybe he knows a thing or two? ANd like he said - WHO is going to get you up, pay your rent, buy your groceries, clean your house and get your education? YOU. Not Mom or Dad, not him or his wife - YOU. </p><p></p><p>There are a lot of things they do there I don't like - but if they have a system that gets Dude motivated? Gets him behaving like a decent human - and gets him in his own apartment where he's self sufficient? I am all for it. </p><p></p><p>I dont' think you're being too hard on her. I like the idea of a deadline for moving out - but honestly how prepared is she to do that? If you say you don't care - then you have to stick to it, otherwise she's going to figure you're a sucker. Just saying if you tell her she's got to be out - no matter what - out she goes. </p><p></p><p>I like the idea about going over it all, telling her you're not going to nag or monitor her, she has to be up by 10:00 ON HER OWN, and then you'll negotiate her behavior vs. moving out. </p><p></p><p>Tough place to be in - and great ability on the not making a face back or saying YOU KNOW - it will stick like that. (oh for the things I could take back) lol. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 105755, member: 4964"] Meow - (I'm sorry about your depression, never noticed it before either) Well- I think if it's possible we have tried every parenting skill, doctor assisted plan available. We did charts with check boxes for the very few chores he had to do. Brush teeth daily, water the dogs daily, and take out the trash once a week. THAT was it. If he got that done and every box was checked he got $$. He never made it - not once. We tried asking HIM which chores he thought he could do? He said "take out the trash" we said "Already tried it and you failed." so then he said "Brush my teeth?" I mean come on. Take out the trash once a week? How hard could that be without nagging? He made so MANY other messes in the house my chore list went from manageable to unreal. Every time he took a shower the bathroom looked like you bathed a St. Bernard in it. How anyone could consistantly get water on teh ceiling and have 1/2 and inch of water on the floor is beyond me - getting him to clean it up - beyond him. Somedays I just figured it was easier to not ask him to do a thing. When I said unload the dishwasher - every bowl, cup and plate eventually ended up broken or chipped. I have Corell and he chipped an cracked even that. So no more dishes. Sweep the floor? He'd sweep the mess from the kitchen on to a throw rug, take the throw rug and shake it behind the dining room table - I mean WTH? So no more sweeping. Tried asking him to vacuum one a week and now all my furniture looks as if someone took a hammer and pounded the legs and feet of it. I finally gave up. I did all the chores myself. I did make sure he KNEW how to do them - but his attitude at being asked to do anything in our home was utterly amazing. As far as sleeping? Up for school by 7:00 when he lived here and went to bed most nights at a reasonable hour. The nights he was up all night? You had better tiptoe for ME and get your butt up in the morning. Saturdays were sleep in days for him or if he got up to go shopping and help me - I usually rewarded him with something. Now he's living in a group home - that will NOT nag. 37 years of raising kids has told this man to tell these boys "I'm going to tell you one time - and either you do it or you don't. No one is going to force you to do it, no one is going to nag you to get it done, but know this - I will know when the things I ask you to do are NOT done. And when I reach MY limit? You will be asked to leave without notice. So you can either comply with our house rules, pitch in and do your chores (that rotate weekly) OR you had better get a dang good job and save up lots of money because first, last, security add up for an apartment, and then there is down payment on lights, and cable, food, gas, necessities like toilet paper, and gas for a car if you have one, insurance, medical expenses (and he just goes on and on for like 30 minutes about things you'll need if you don't abide by his rules to live under his roof." - If difficult child doesn't abide - and gets thrown out it's back to jail possibly for him. And like a typical difficult child - he hasn't done his chores and he's sleeping in till 11:30 every day, not going to his appointments, or school - and so they had a meeting 2 weeks ago and told us he was OUT. Sorry - out. Not complying - apparently doesn't want to live there. Good bye - no more discussion - here are some garbage bags, get your things and get out. difficult child didn't like it at all - and I thought maybe by no one nagging him it would never work - but I've kept out of it. I'm 43 this man has been taking care of difficult child's for 37 years. Maybe he knows a thing or two? ANd like he said - WHO is going to get you up, pay your rent, buy your groceries, clean your house and get your education? YOU. Not Mom or Dad, not him or his wife - YOU. There are a lot of things they do there I don't like - but if they have a system that gets Dude motivated? Gets him behaving like a decent human - and gets him in his own apartment where he's self sufficient? I am all for it. I dont' think you're being too hard on her. I like the idea of a deadline for moving out - but honestly how prepared is she to do that? If you say you don't care - then you have to stick to it, otherwise she's going to figure you're a sucker. Just saying if you tell her she's got to be out - no matter what - out she goes. I like the idea about going over it all, telling her you're not going to nag or monitor her, she has to be up by 10:00 ON HER OWN, and then you'll negotiate her behavior vs. moving out. Tough place to be in - and great ability on the not making a face back or saying YOU KNOW - it will stick like that. (oh for the things I could take back) lol. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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