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Other parents/friends of mine do not understand my child.... HELP PLZ
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 744308" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Megs, when my son was about 9, he was diagnosed with HS Asperger's and a mood disorder. Recently he was diagnosed with bipolar. He still has few friends. He does not know how to or care to initiate a conversation. Ironically, he is in sales. But on the other hand, it's pretty much the only way he can initiate a conversation because it is <em>scripted.</em> "Good afternoon. How may I help you?" Smile. Pause. It gives him huge confidence. He doesn't even chat with his coworkers on break. He just goes into a corner and plays games on his phone. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> Unbelievably, he is married. </p><p>So, back to childhood. I know exactly how you feel. Autism or a mood disorder is not an excuse. We still have to hold our kids accountable. <strong>But </strong>we have to teach them in a different way. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to smack my son and jump up and down and yell, "You did WHAT??!" But I didn't. Okay. I did once. Okay, twice. </p><p>He knew <strong>how</strong> to socialize. I always heard good things from parents. But it was a lot of work for him, pretty much an act. He could only do so much, and then he would come home and melt down or play video games. He just couldn't handle the daily "performance."</p><p>9 times out of 10, before I opened the car door to let him out, I'd say, "Remember, you're not going to run up to Sam and yell at him. You are going to wait for him to approach you," or whatever the situation required. I would often make him rehearse the words. (My dad had me do that too, because I was painfully shy.) </p><p>He would listen to me and follow through, oh, about half the time. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>He got into almost daily fights with friends. Some would forgive him and play again after a cool-down session of a week or two. Some never called again.</p><p>He was very similar to your daughter in regard to rules. It was quite a challenge having me for a mom--an artist and writer. I make up rules as I go along! Looking back on it, it was a good thing, because he knew that I played differently than other people played. And I often reminded him of that.</p><p>His best time in school was middle school through 9th grade. He had a 504 plan. He got extra time for tests and homework and instead of chastising him, the teachers took time to teach the same concept over again. That was what he really needed. </p><p>At first, when he'd yell, "WHY?" regarding anything I said, I thought he was being a brat. He was just too old (I thought that phase should have passed around age 3.) And after much research, I realized that regardless whether he had dysthymia or Asperger's or both, I had no choice but to explain, Why. 99% of the time, it worked.</p><p>I hope that helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 744308, member: 3419"] Megs, when my son was about 9, he was diagnosed with HS Asperger's and a mood disorder. Recently he was diagnosed with bipolar. He still has few friends. He does not know how to or care to initiate a conversation. Ironically, he is in sales. But on the other hand, it's pretty much the only way he can initiate a conversation because it is [I]scripted.[/I] "Good afternoon. How may I help you?" Smile. Pause. It gives him huge confidence. He doesn't even chat with his coworkers on break. He just goes into a corner and plays games on his phone. :( Unbelievably, he is married. So, back to childhood. I know exactly how you feel. Autism or a mood disorder is not an excuse. We still have to hold our kids accountable. [B]But [/B]we have to teach them in a different way. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to smack my son and jump up and down and yell, "You did WHAT??!" But I didn't. Okay. I did once. Okay, twice. He knew [B]how[/B] to socialize. I always heard good things from parents. But it was a lot of work for him, pretty much an act. He could only do so much, and then he would come home and melt down or play video games. He just couldn't handle the daily "performance." 9 times out of 10, before I opened the car door to let him out, I'd say, "Remember, you're not going to run up to Sam and yell at him. You are going to wait for him to approach you," or whatever the situation required. I would often make him rehearse the words. (My dad had me do that too, because I was painfully shy.) He would listen to me and follow through, oh, about half the time. :) He got into almost daily fights with friends. Some would forgive him and play again after a cool-down session of a week or two. Some never called again. He was very similar to your daughter in regard to rules. It was quite a challenge having me for a mom--an artist and writer. I make up rules as I go along! Looking back on it, it was a good thing, because he knew that I played differently than other people played. And I often reminded him of that. His best time in school was middle school through 9th grade. He had a 504 plan. He got extra time for tests and homework and instead of chastising him, the teachers took time to teach the same concept over again. That was what he really needed. At first, when he'd yell, "WHY?" regarding anything I said, I thought he was being a brat. He was just too old (I thought that phase should have passed around age 3.) And after much research, I realized that regardless whether he had dysthymia or Asperger's or both, I had no choice but to explain, Why. 99% of the time, it worked. I hope that helps. [/QUOTE]
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