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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687035" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Kate. Let us put this in perspective. Which is in no way to say that I cannot feel your pain. Parents deal with the death of their adult children who they whose voice they will never again hear. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter is alive. Only choosing to be vindictive and heartless, to her own peril. </p><p></p><p>Do our responsibilities as parents end, when they are grown? I do not think so. Neither do you, I think. Just as when they were tots we cannot reward their bad behavior. Nor can we take to heart their retaliations, to forget our proper role which is to take the high road when we have the strength to do so, and to return there when we have calmed and fortified ourselves.You have NOT lost your daughter. It is she who has lost her way. </p><p></p><p>Our responsibility as parents is to remind her who she is by our own conduct. That you are doing by your loyalty and love to your husband. She wants to split you two apart. You are not allowing this. You do not allow it because it is wrong. It would be wrong of you to do it, to betray him, in order to keep close to her. It would be wrong to her to allow her weakness, foolishness and wrongness to control the situation.</p><p></p><p>You have your daughter. What you are doing is standing up for what is right, for her, for yourself, for your family and for your husband.</p><p>Yes. </p><p>My sister is like this. She insisted that her 3rd husband do likewise with her own mother. My mother sometime before her death told me with sadness that my sister's husband's mother asked her, "Why doesn't L like me? Why can I not go to their home?"</p><p></p><p>And before my mother's death my sister did this to my mother.</p><p>So, she is doing the same thing to him, that she believes he did to her. How is it different?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687035, member: 18958"] Kate. Let us put this in perspective. Which is in no way to say that I cannot feel your pain. Parents deal with the death of their adult children who they whose voice they will never again hear. Your daughter is alive. Only choosing to be vindictive and heartless, to her own peril. Do our responsibilities as parents end, when they are grown? I do not think so. Neither do you, I think. Just as when they were tots we cannot reward their bad behavior. Nor can we take to heart their retaliations, to forget our proper role which is to take the high road when we have the strength to do so, and to return there when we have calmed and fortified ourselves.You have NOT lost your daughter. It is she who has lost her way. Our responsibility as parents is to remind her who she is by our own conduct. That you are doing by your loyalty and love to your husband. She wants to split you two apart. You are not allowing this. You do not allow it because it is wrong. It would be wrong of you to do it, to betray him, in order to keep close to her. It would be wrong to her to allow her weakness, foolishness and wrongness to control the situation. You have your daughter. What you are doing is standing up for what is right, for her, for yourself, for your family and for your husband. Yes. My sister is like this. She insisted that her 3rd husband do likewise with her own mother. My mother sometime before her death told me with sadness that my sister's husband's mother asked her, "Why doesn't L like me? Why can I not go to their home?" And before my mother's death my sister did this to my mother. So, she is doing the same thing to him, that she believes he did to her. How is it different? [/QUOTE]
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