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Substance Abuse
Our son was arrested
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 762543" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I am sorry for your grief. It's hard. I know due to my drug addicted daughter. Took me ten years to smarten up. Ten years.</p><p></p><p>I am in a group very similar to Al-Anon. One of our members has a 21 year old daughter waiting to see if she will be going to prison. After being in a 12 step program for loved ones of addicts, she and her husband decided not to get their daughter a lawyer, hoping that she learns from her experience by going to prison and, of course, she can't use drugs in prison either. She will have opportunities to stay clean in rehab once she gets out in about a year. As it is now, the parents know that if she gets away with this she will go right back to doing what she does. They feel that keeping her from consequences won't help their daughter and they can't neglect their younger daughter who is going to start college either.</p><p></p><p>I would do what this parent is doing. After 10 years, learning how to best deal with my daughter, I know that my help did not help her one bit. And half our retirement is gone. And my other kids who are flying right...they got cheated while my addicted, abusive daughter got all of our attention. Plus my husband and I matter too. Yes, we do.</p><p></p><p>We learned this in our 12 step group. "We didn't cause it, we can't CONTROL it, and we can't cure it."</p><p></p><p>God is huge in our 12 Step recovery program.</p><p></p><p>We also had a therapist. He was not as powerful as God, but he was so helpful too. We were a mess before we got help. You don't have to be a mess and you don't have to choose to rescue your son this way. Only your son can help himself. You can not do it for him. You have no control over him or anyone except you. It is your son only who can fix this. If you save him he may just do it again. Then what?</p><p></p><p> You matter too. YOU MATTER TOO.</p><p></p><p>Prayers and hugs and lots of love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 762543, member: 1550"] Hi there. I am sorry for your grief. It's hard. I know due to my drug addicted daughter. Took me ten years to smarten up. Ten years. I am in a group very similar to Al-Anon. One of our members has a 21 year old daughter waiting to see if she will be going to prison. After being in a 12 step program for loved ones of addicts, she and her husband decided not to get their daughter a lawyer, hoping that she learns from her experience by going to prison and, of course, she can't use drugs in prison either. She will have opportunities to stay clean in rehab once she gets out in about a year. As it is now, the parents know that if she gets away with this she will go right back to doing what she does. They feel that keeping her from consequences won't help their daughter and they can't neglect their younger daughter who is going to start college either. I would do what this parent is doing. After 10 years, learning how to best deal with my daughter, I know that my help did not help her one bit. And half our retirement is gone. And my other kids who are flying right...they got cheated while my addicted, abusive daughter got all of our attention. Plus my husband and I matter too. Yes, we do. We learned this in our 12 step group. "We didn't cause it, we can't CONTROL it, and we can't cure it." God is huge in our 12 Step recovery program. We also had a therapist. He was not as powerful as God, but he was so helpful too. We were a mess before we got help. You don't have to be a mess and you don't have to choose to rescue your son this way. Only your son can help himself. You can not do it for him. You have no control over him or anyone except you. It is your son only who can fix this. If you save him he may just do it again. Then what? You matter too. YOU MATTER TOO. Prayers and hugs and lots of love. [/QUOTE]
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Our son was arrested
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