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<blockquote data-quote="LostMama" data-source="post: 356775"><p>Thank you all so much for replying. It's really tough for me to admit how things are. It makes me feel like a failure...and that's hard because I want to be the best mom that I can be.</p><p></p><p>We have custody because the mom and dad both agreed that we could provide a loving home environment for her vs their unstable lives. So, this wasn't court ordered, although we did go to court on our own to legalize the arrangement. And I suspect that given enough time, difficult child would have been taken away from the bm. Neither of them contribute any money to help with their daughter not do we get any assistance from the state. She's on our insurance. </p><p></p><p>As far as self esteem...yes. She has very low self esteem. Last night in our weekly parenting mtg, the facilitator asked me to read the section on gang activity. He said to just scratch out gang and insert the most recent boy's name that she is infatuated with. Anyhow, that was eye-opening. It said that these kids are looking for love & acceptance and a sense of family. And when I look really hard, I can see that we allowed her to pull away from our family. We could feel it happening and we didn't like it but we didn't know what to do. </p><p></p><p>She does hyper focus on the fact that she doesn't live with her mom but at the same time she can't stand spending time with her mom. To me, it's like she's finding everything negative and wallowing in it. This child has a dream life compared to my extremely difficult childhood. </p><p></p><p>My brother? He's not stable. He seems to go through severe bouts of depression. he has not held a job for a couple years now. He mooches off his latest girlfriend. I'm sure there is a warrant out for him not paying child support on another child. There are times I think he is schizophrenic but other times I wonder if he's faking to set up a grand plan to get disability. He has always looked for get rich quick schemes...anything so that he wouldn't have to actually work. </p><p></p><p>Medications: She's on Abilify and we recently switched from Concerta to Vyvanse. The abilify seems to have helped minimize explosive behavior but it hasn't fixed everything. The adhd medications helped her concentrate in school but she is really struggling because she totally lost her desire to do well. She is incredibly smart but seems to have given up. She may fail the 8th grade because of one class. She has an opportunity to make the grade up but she is not doing the work and she's not doing the work for the new 9 week period. She sees a psychiatrist and a psycologist on a somewhat regular basis. (It's hard to come up with co-pays for more frequent counseling sessions so we have to spread those out although I think she needs to be seen more.)</p><p></p><p>This week I plan on working on displaying love & affection. It is true that she doesn't feel worthy of love and she doesn't feel like she belongs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LostMama, post: 356775"] Thank you all so much for replying. It's really tough for me to admit how things are. It makes me feel like a failure...and that's hard because I want to be the best mom that I can be. We have custody because the mom and dad both agreed that we could provide a loving home environment for her vs their unstable lives. So, this wasn't court ordered, although we did go to court on our own to legalize the arrangement. And I suspect that given enough time, difficult child would have been taken away from the bm. Neither of them contribute any money to help with their daughter not do we get any assistance from the state. She's on our insurance. As far as self esteem...yes. She has very low self esteem. Last night in our weekly parenting mtg, the facilitator asked me to read the section on gang activity. He said to just scratch out gang and insert the most recent boy's name that she is infatuated with. Anyhow, that was eye-opening. It said that these kids are looking for love & acceptance and a sense of family. And when I look really hard, I can see that we allowed her to pull away from our family. We could feel it happening and we didn't like it but we didn't know what to do. She does hyper focus on the fact that she doesn't live with her mom but at the same time she can't stand spending time with her mom. To me, it's like she's finding everything negative and wallowing in it. This child has a dream life compared to my extremely difficult childhood. My brother? He's not stable. He seems to go through severe bouts of depression. he has not held a job for a couple years now. He mooches off his latest girlfriend. I'm sure there is a warrant out for him not paying child support on another child. There are times I think he is schizophrenic but other times I wonder if he's faking to set up a grand plan to get disability. He has always looked for get rich quick schemes...anything so that he wouldn't have to actually work. Medications: She's on Abilify and we recently switched from Concerta to Vyvanse. The abilify seems to have helped minimize explosive behavior but it hasn't fixed everything. The adhd medications helped her concentrate in school but she is really struggling because she totally lost her desire to do well. She is incredibly smart but seems to have given up. She may fail the 8th grade because of one class. She has an opportunity to make the grade up but she is not doing the work and she's not doing the work for the new 9 week period. She sees a psychiatrist and a psycologist on a somewhat regular basis. (It's hard to come up with co-pays for more frequent counseling sessions so we have to spread those out although I think she needs to be seen more.) This week I plan on working on displaying love & affection. It is true that she doesn't feel worthy of love and she doesn't feel like she belongs. [/QUOTE]
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