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Having adopted a child who was severely abused and neglected, I understand some of your pain and frustration.  She has, to a small extent, bonded with me.  However, I adopted her at a younger age, which gave me a chance to "baby" her when I first got her.  This can help Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids, which I'm willing to be your nephew has.


If you and your brother haven't done so, I would highly recommend reading "Adopting the Hurt Child" and "Parenting the Hurt Child" by Gregory Keck.  They can be helpful and do give you some hope.


I'm not sure what you mean when you say your brother is in the "field".  Unless he specializes in adoption issues, it is easy to get lost.  Even if he does, it is best to have a specialist in adoptions and abuse involved.  These professionals are harder to manipulate.  They're better able to see through the garbage.


I envy your brother.  He is fortunate his family is standing by him and his son.  Both your nephew and brother are so lucky to have you.  Thank you for being there for them.  Many families simply tell the adoptive parent to relinquish their child.  Much easier said than done when the heart is involved.


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