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General Parenting
OUT OF CONTROL 15 y.o. with- ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 48647" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>While I want to offer every bit of support that I can, it really</p><p>seems apparent that you are seeking to save him from himself and</p><p>feel if he is not an active part of your family he will end up in</p><p>jail etc. Your nephew is more than likely going to end up in trouble and in jail even if you stay next to him 24/7. He has</p><p>every indication of attachment issues since before he was verbal,</p><p>he has manipulative behaviors, he more than likely has substance</p><p>abuse issues and he is doing what he wants to do and placing the</p><p>responsibility (or guilt trip) on the family. The chances are</p><p>probably 90% he is going to end up in trouble/jail even if he</p><p>continues to live with the family. He has chosen that path...and</p><p>perhaps he is incapable of choosing another.</p><p></p><p>Many of us are well educated, loving parents who have given our</p><p>all to our difficult children. Some have difficult children with serious mental health issues and some of us have difficult children who are substance abusers. None</p><p>of us can "cure" our teens. None of us. All we can do is make</p><p>sure that every route to help is explored and then set the basic</p><p>rules & enforce them consistently. If "loving family" protected</p><p>difficult children, I guarantee you that this CD website would be hanging on by</p><p>a thread....and probably wouldn't even exist.</p><p></p><p>As a school teacher you are professionally aware that you can't</p><p>take a student with an 80 IQ and expect them to function in an</p><p>AP class. Limitations exist in many ways. All you can do is</p><p>provide the best opportunities and then see what choices your nephew makes. Support your brothers choices. If he says that</p><p>his son must be inside the house be 10 or the doors are locked</p><p>for the night, don't open your door to the boy. difficult children most often</p><p>"play" the family members. Consistency is necessary. Letting him face the consequences (yes, even if it is incarcertaion) is</p><p>the only choice. Yes, I know. Nobody in our family had ever</p><p>gone to juvie detention or jail before our most loved easy child/difficult child. We</p><p>are not "jail" people. Our kid is. Your nephew probably will be</p><p>soon. It's rough but I don't believe you can change the course.</p><p>DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 48647, member: 35"] While I want to offer every bit of support that I can, it really seems apparent that you are seeking to save him from himself and feel if he is not an active part of your family he will end up in jail etc. Your nephew is more than likely going to end up in trouble and in jail even if you stay next to him 24/7. He has every indication of attachment issues since before he was verbal, he has manipulative behaviors, he more than likely has substance abuse issues and he is doing what he wants to do and placing the responsibility (or guilt trip) on the family. The chances are probably 90% he is going to end up in trouble/jail even if he continues to live with the family. He has chosen that path...and perhaps he is incapable of choosing another. Many of us are well educated, loving parents who have given our all to our difficult children. Some have difficult children with serious mental health issues and some of us have difficult children who are substance abusers. None of us can "cure" our teens. None of us. All we can do is make sure that every route to help is explored and then set the basic rules & enforce them consistently. If "loving family" protected difficult children, I guarantee you that this CD website would be hanging on by a thread....and probably wouldn't even exist. As a school teacher you are professionally aware that you can't take a student with an 80 IQ and expect them to function in an AP class. Limitations exist in many ways. All you can do is provide the best opportunities and then see what choices your nephew makes. Support your brothers choices. If he says that his son must be inside the house be 10 or the doors are locked for the night, don't open your door to the boy. difficult children most often "play" the family members. Consistency is necessary. Letting him face the consequences (yes, even if it is incarcertaion) is the only choice. Yes, I know. Nobody in our family had ever gone to juvie detention or jail before our most loved easy child/difficult child. We are not "jail" people. Our kid is. Your nephew probably will be soon. It's rough but I don't believe you can change the course. DDD [/QUOTE]
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