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Failure to Thrive
Out Of Control 16 y/o SS
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 694411" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>This child (let's call him Monster Son) has been troubled for years. I have known him since he was 13. There was a lot of history before I came on the scene, for both length and Internet privacy reasons, I won't go into it all here. There has been a very high degree of dysfunction for this child's entire life, as well as that of his 18 months younger brother. My W had a high conflict divorce with her ex (their father) and they are still unable to interact in a civil way most of the time. My W chose to allow her ex to have physical custody of both of them. We had every other weekend visitation which was interrupted first after this violent episode, then after therapy sessions led to a resumption of visitation for a few months the children simply stopped coming (refused to get in the car to come over here and Dad wouldn't make them). So at present we are estranged from both though younger son has been in some contact with us. </p><p></p><p>I have had a good relationship with both children during my marriage to their mom. That began to change with respect to MS when I made it clear to him that his behavior was out of control and not acceptable. I was also instrumental in pushing his parents to have him evaluated for an IEP (before that I convinced them he needed a 504 plan), which he viewed as the ultimate betrayal. So MS and I are not on good terms any longer. He cannot tolerate being told 'no'; he tries to use charm and negotiation tactics to get his way and if that doesn't work, he hasi a temper tantrum and/or a crying fit.</p><p></p><p>Everybody is in therapy both separately and together. The monster son has been in and out of therapy since the age of 10. My W has told me the initial therapy was for "anger issues." He has been telling my W that he hates her since that time. He has a fascination with strangulation, which I find chilling. He strangled his little brother, he strangled his mother, he has also gotten physical with his father. About a year ago he put his arm around my W (in a friendly way) and said calmly, "I could put my hands around your neck and squeeze you until you are dead." He said this like he was talking about the weather. My W did not react and didn't seem alarmed! This took place before the actual strangulation episode occurred. </p><p></p><p> Monster son was in a day program for anxiety after he was taken to the ER for assaulting his father. At present he has two therapists, one for medications and one for talk therapy. He is making no progress. The psychiatrist tells us she cannot get through to him and that he has no insight into his behavior; everything is someone else's fault. His talk therapist (who is a school social worker with a side business ie; not well qualified) will not talk to us at all about his progress. The monster son refuses to be anywhere my W is; he refused to come to his brother's 8th grade graduation because my W was going to be there, and his father allowed that. His father has no rules and no consequences for his children. Both boys can do what they please. The younger son has more motivation and sense of right and wrong. Monster son has neither. He is an entitled sociopath. He cannot wake up on time, he cannot cook for himself or wash his own clothes, and he doesn't do his schoolwork. Excuses are made for him by everyone. </p><p></p><p>He's very intelligent but cannot follow the basic rules of life. He cannot give or receive love, he quits rather than put in effort in any scenario, be it his schoolwork, goals for the future, taking responsibility for his actions, anything. It is a terrible and tragic situation. I cannot control my W, you are right. All I can do is take care of myself and encourage her to face the fact that her son is a dangerous individual. She does have a sense of this, I think it's just been a slower recognition for her. It must be very difficult, with this being her biological child, to accept that he is so cold-blooded and merciless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 694411, member: 13303"] This child (let's call him Monster Son) has been troubled for years. I have known him since he was 13. There was a lot of history before I came on the scene, for both length and Internet privacy reasons, I won't go into it all here. There has been a very high degree of dysfunction for this child's entire life, as well as that of his 18 months younger brother. My W had a high conflict divorce with her ex (their father) and they are still unable to interact in a civil way most of the time. My W chose to allow her ex to have physical custody of both of them. We had every other weekend visitation which was interrupted first after this violent episode, then after therapy sessions led to a resumption of visitation for a few months the children simply stopped coming (refused to get in the car to come over here and Dad wouldn't make them). So at present we are estranged from both though younger son has been in some contact with us. I have had a good relationship with both children during my marriage to their mom. That began to change with respect to MS when I made it clear to him that his behavior was out of control and not acceptable. I was also instrumental in pushing his parents to have him evaluated for an IEP (before that I convinced them he needed a 504 plan), which he viewed as the ultimate betrayal. So MS and I are not on good terms any longer. He cannot tolerate being told 'no'; he tries to use charm and negotiation tactics to get his way and if that doesn't work, he hasi a temper tantrum and/or a crying fit. Everybody is in therapy both separately and together. The monster son has been in and out of therapy since the age of 10. My W has told me the initial therapy was for "anger issues." He has been telling my W that he hates her since that time. He has a fascination with strangulation, which I find chilling. He strangled his little brother, he strangled his mother, he has also gotten physical with his father. About a year ago he put his arm around my W (in a friendly way) and said calmly, "I could put my hands around your neck and squeeze you until you are dead." He said this like he was talking about the weather. My W did not react and didn't seem alarmed! This took place before the actual strangulation episode occurred. Monster son was in a day program for anxiety after he was taken to the ER for assaulting his father. At present he has two therapists, one for medications and one for talk therapy. He is making no progress. The psychiatrist tells us she cannot get through to him and that he has no insight into his behavior; everything is someone else's fault. His talk therapist (who is a school social worker with a side business ie; not well qualified) will not talk to us at all about his progress. The monster son refuses to be anywhere my W is; he refused to come to his brother's 8th grade graduation because my W was going to be there, and his father allowed that. His father has no rules and no consequences for his children. Both boys can do what they please. The younger son has more motivation and sense of right and wrong. Monster son has neither. He is an entitled sociopath. He cannot wake up on time, he cannot cook for himself or wash his own clothes, and he doesn't do his schoolwork. Excuses are made for him by everyone. He's very intelligent but cannot follow the basic rules of life. He cannot give or receive love, he quits rather than put in effort in any scenario, be it his schoolwork, goals for the future, taking responsibility for his actions, anything. It is a terrible and tragic situation. I cannot control my W, you are right. All I can do is take care of myself and encourage her to face the fact that her son is a dangerous individual. She does have a sense of this, I think it's just been a slower recognition for her. It must be very difficult, with this being her biological child, to accept that he is so cold-blooded and merciless. [/QUOTE]
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